My first reaction was “yikes!” when I started reading this thread. I confess now that my youngest is 5 yrs out from graduation I haven’t paid much attention to the cost of attendance at universities. My second reaction was feeling relief my kids were out of school and launched…and thinking no wonder younger people are questioning whether they want to have children. I have empathy for both the young adults and current parents looking at how they will be able to negotiate the funding of higher education.
Then this post made me pause:
The phrase that jumped out at me was “since most parents would like it if their kids do better than they did”. I considered my own beliefs/actions as a parent…and took a moment to reflect upon how my parents raised me.
It’s the “do better” part and how we choose to define it. I don’t like to over-share in a public space but my parents started from scratch. My mom had the extra burden of childhood trauma. Yet I don’t believe they measured “do better” with being wealthy or a big house…measurements that put your worth in relation to other people’s exterior material advantages.
Their values were focused on meeting our needs (food/shelter/clothing/etc) and spending time together as a family. In hindsight they were quite remarkable. They were humble and grateful and kind, even though the world was at times very harsh toward them.
Anyway, I digress. The point I wanted to make is that maybe we should all look in the mirror and ask ourselves what do we truly want for our kids and also…why?
It’s an interesting problem to have. “I’ve done so well it will be difficult for my children to do better than me.” I’ve always just wanted my kids to be independent and happy. I’ve never considered whether or not they did better than me. Comparatively I’ve set a rather moderate bar but still I think it’s a rather big burden to place on the children of successful parents. I wonder how wealthy parents would feel if their child said “Mom/Dad I just want to be middle class”.
I guess it depends on your definition of middle class. My son and his girlfriend have been out of college for almost 2 years. They live together and their household income in 2024 will fall within the top 10% in the U.S. She’s a cardiac ICU nurse and he’s in law enforcement. Is the top 10% middle class? Most people would consider a nurse and a LEO as middle class jobs, right?
My H often complains to me that he worries about our kids respecting him because he feels his career wasn’t spectacular enough (like, he’s not a billionaire, he doesn’t have a Nobel Prize, didn’t cure cancer), and my comments generally vary between, “it’s a good thing they aren’t saddled with feeling the need to meet or exceed that benchmark in their own careers” and “what do you really think is important anyway?”
Yesterday I watched a documentary with Jim Carrey in it. He was saying how much he loved and really respected his dad and thought of him as a great man he admired. His dad was an accountant who didn’t really like his job but did it to take care of his family. His dad provided love and support which kept him going.
Well, both parents and kids will be lucky to remain/be middle class after paying 90K for a school! I think giving your kids a debt free education without hurting yourself is the biggest gift you can give.
And teaching them how to save and invest will go a long way.
My parents were surprised by the number of people they met in their Florida retirement community who bragged about their kids’ jobs and how well they are doing. We see it with the “fancy folks” who have cottages near ours - when they mention their kids, many seem to find a way to throw in information about the great jobs their kids have. It’s really odd to me. I can’t imagine telling people how well my kids are doing financially. First of all, that has nothing to do with me. Second, it’s no one’s business. At least, I don’t think it is. But I digress.
Either that or…
“Johnny is still in the basement playing video games. We haven’t seen him for months. We just leave a meal at the door and hope for the best.”
“Jane is on kid six now. Baby daddies are in jail. I’ve been doing all the babysitting. She complains we don’t do enough to help her.”
“Miranda joined a tree cult. She dances naked in the forest on full moons (pun intended) and forages for mushrooms. She sent me a pinecone for my birthday!”
Eh, it’s not necessarily one-upsmanship, they might just be trying to make conversation and don’t know what else to talk about. At least if they bring up their kids you can ask them about what the kids actually do in their job and if they like it and where their kids studied and how the kids got interested in it…
The really boring retired person conversation is about “how much my home value has increased,” or “how much I sold my house for (and how much I bought it for)” … I’ve known some people who talked so much about this, sigh…
100%. Followed by “my orthopedic surgeon is the top guy” and then the gory details about their hip replacement. I’d rather hear about someone’s kid any day!!!
Just looking at YoY price increases 2 years and a someone will be over $100K - yet I think there will be pressure among the schools to “not be the first” - so it might take 3-4 years at which point once the first crosses the threshold many more will follow.
I think the list of “financially precarious colleges” is going to expand dramatically over the next few years. We will see who can and cannot sustain the demographic cliff.
But there are a bunch of colleges which have been betting on the “we’re just as good as Harvard so we’re going to raise our prices to show it” model. And many of them have placed the wrong bet IMHO.
Ouch. The higher the costs, the more painful it will be for the subset of families where the kid does not end up getting a degree.
In some situations, familes qualify for a lot of aid. Where schools cover full need (without loans), those low income families will pay the same for state school or pricey school. But… even that can be way too much for a very low income family
Actually…it will be easier for the smart kid to ask for an internship on their own merits saying “my family couldn’t afford $100K but I can do the job.”
This is true for a small subset of the “needs a BA” jobs in America.
I don’t think any public school system is going to change the degree requirements for teaching jobs; I don’t think social services organizations are going to tell a prospective social worker “You’re self taught and that’s fine”; the trend for nursing has been towards MORE certification and education, not less.
Whether or not a BA makes someone qualified for hundreds of different fields is something worth debating-- but the “paper ceiling” isn’t going away any time soon. Unless (or until) we fix K-12 education in America that is.
Do you really want your mom’s chemo meds administered by someone who doesn’t know that grams and ounces aren’t the same thing- or that kilos and pounds are not equivalent? I’ve posted before about my colleague who works with “direct to workforce” organizations from HS’s in disadvantaged communities and it’s just so sad. It’s one thing for large pharmacy chains to offer on the job training for Pharm techs (and most of them can do that); ditto large hospital and satellite clinic systems. It’s another thing to ask them to teach remedial fourth grade math.
And it’s even more abysmal in language arts… reading comprehension at a 5th grade level for someone who needs to chart and document every transaction, read instructions several times a day?
So no- kids who can’t afford college won’t be better off.
Colleges are and have “commoditized” themselves. No car is worth is $100K. No college is worth $100k. Same logic where one of my neighbors bought a Tesla and pretty soon there were 7 on my street within 2 years. Then I wonder why these same people have roofs that shed shingles with each gust of wind.
$100K doesn’t make your kid a better person or happier. Going through the process now and am amazed at the great options available at reasonable costs ESPECIALLY if a child has a stellar GPA.
Older colleges require more investment in infrastructure and have higher operating costs especially in places like Boston. Let’s also be honest, look at how much some schools “pay” to have “celebrity” profs. Doesn’t mean these profs are great teachers. Same goes for university administrators. Trust me. When schools are looking at operating budgets, no one in the exec offices is budgeting for pay cuts.
I’m talking the kid who can do the math, english, graduated with good grades, is smart, has ambition but no money. Do they go into debt for a college degree or should an employer give them a chance? Tons of jobs out there for that kid. Mentorships, training programs. They already exist.
Obviously a job that requires charting documentation and reading instructions wouldn’t be a great fit. Let’s work with the good. A great personality. A physical skills person–loves working with their hands and making things. Someone who knows cars. A million other attributes.
Here’s the kicker…someone willing to put the time in to learn a trade.