I agree with you suzy100 , I do have contact with my daughter’s friends from home who live two doors down and so do the other moms. Have yet to use it , but it’s comforting to know I could if need be.
I had the same for my first daughter and so did her mom…no one ever exploited that in any way , but on occasion, some soup and a birthday surprise was dropped off without anyone feeling put out
@lje62, those are friends from home that you presumably know from high school.
@intparent, why would your child be averse to having roommate contact info in case of emergency? I don’t get it.
OP I feel for you. We got a call from our son when he was in Jordan, asking us how high a fever should be before he should go to an emergency room. (It was 103.) We told him to go. He called back and said it had gone down once he got out of bed, but then hours later he did end up going. Then we had the interesting discussion about all the medications they gave him. It was pretty clear no one knew what he had so they just threw the kitchen sink at him. He didn’t take any of the opiates, but did use some of the other ones. He felt much better within a few days and never did know whether it was a virus or something else.
Hope your daughter feels better soon!
My kids both had crappy roommates freshman year. Neither one actually made it to sophomore year (both partied their way out of college). One kid was at least civil with the roommate, the other one was not on speaking terms starting only a couple weeks into the first semester. Your kid’s roommate is not their keeper, nor even necessarily their friend. Both my kids would have been very unhappy if I had contacted their roommates, and the roommates likely would have had no idea what was up with my kid. RAs are available if you kid needs to be checked on, that is their job.
I know a parent who decided to “surprise” their kid by asking a friend that their kid had mentioned to do some kind of birthday surprise for him. So she sent a package to the “friend” of birthday stuff for her son. This kid was beyond pissed at his mom – the “friend” was barely an acquaintance, and he had not even talked to her for some time. He was mightily embarrassed. Parents should not be contacting their kid’s friends at college.
The campus health centers are usually good about testing for viral illnesses - mono, epstein barr, meningitis, etc.- since they see lots of college kids with these diseases. My daughter did have them run a complete blood work once and they did these as well as lymes.
I also do not understand why parents can’t or shouldn’t contact their kid’s friends in case of emergency? I have contacted my mother’s neighbor when I couldn’t get in touch with her. Now, as far as parents not knowing if a roommate or friend is friendly or not is a different matter. I asked my daughter’s best friend to organize a surprise birthday party for her. I KNEW she was D2’s best friend and I spoke with her personally on the phone. Even if a roommate is not so friendly, to contact him/her in case of emergency is not that weird. I have always taught my kids to help others out, I would think most of those students were taught the same by their parents.
Colleges insist that students have health insurance (the school’s expensive plan or a private one) but it sounds like many college health clinics are pretty poor in the quality of care the offer.
When we met DS #1’s roommate and family at freshman move in we struck up a lovely conversation and exchanged phone #s. Never used it.But having it was comforting. Oh, DS had just barely gotten out of the hospital prior to starting college so we were a little worried.
To the OP…how is your daughter doing this morning?
" @lje62, those are friends from home that you presumably know from high school. "
Yes , they are intparent , but I also had the phone number of one of my daughter’s roommates when she lived off campus as a college junior…never called her though
" I have contacted my mother’s neighbor when I couldn’t get in touch with her "
I have done the same during a really bad blizzard since I live out of state
D2 has had numerous health issues her entire time at college. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. It is hard to be far away when your child is sick. As a RN, I tend to mentally go to the worst case scenario, and not being able to see her with my own eyes and evaluate her is tough.
Both D1 and D2 have serious boyfriends who would contact us in the event of an emergency. If they didn’t have a bf, I would see no harm in giving my number to a close friend or roommate as an emergency contact. “Call me at this number in the case of an emergency” is totally different from Mom calling the roommate every time she doesn’t get a return call or text from DD or DS. And I’ve known mothers like that.
D1 had mono and bad throat infection when she was in college. We lived 4 hours away. When I asked her if she wanted me to come up to bring her home. she told me it wasn’t necessary, but later on when I called to ask her if she had anything to eat or drink, she said she was too weak to get out of the bed and all of her friends were in class. I did make the decision to bring her home then. As soon as I told her I was going to get her she started sobbing on the phone. She came home for few days with a lot of TLC. She was mentally and physically much better when I took her back. It is one of the advantages when the school is within driving distance away. I know it is not the case for many students, and they all manage.
We are 5 hours away from D2’s school and own the house D2 lives in. It has a second bedroom that DH and I stay in when we come in for football games (he’s an alum and we have season tickets). I’ve flown in before to take care of D2 (she reacted similar to @oldfort’s D once, sobbing and saying she wouldn’t mind if I came in) when she has been really sick. She has had mono, a broken tailbone, a serious corneal abrasion, pneumonia, H1N1, and numerous other maladies. Campus health care is not great. There have been times where I wish we had insisted she attend college closer to home.
This year, right before finals (and a week before she was supposed to have surgery for a different issue), D2 got strep. The antibiotics made her throw up, so she stopped taking them. She ended up with scarlet fever. I flew in, took care of her, got her through finals, and drove her home for Christmas.
I’m not getting on a plane for a cold or other viral illness, but the two times I came in, she really needed some support and I’d do it again in a heartbeat if necessary.
D1 never got sick (to my knowledge) with anything of note. Which is good, since she is 16 hours away by car.
Wow. These stories are making me even more grateful that my kids are only a 1 hour drive away and that they are together and can check on each other if needed. Thankfully, however, they have been healthy other than the occasional cold.
I agree…this thread is making me happy its less than 5 hours to get to D’s school and in a true emergency her boyfriend is 2.5 hours away. While neither of us would want to make the trek, in the event of an emergency its good to know I can get a call at lunchtime and be there by dinner. Most trips I am complaining because its such a long drive lol.
I’m the OP. I texted my D (her preferred mode of communication) earlier and didn’t hear back. An hour and a half later I sent another text telling her I was worried and I could pick her up tomorrow and take her home. She said no (Spring break is the week after next). She has a note from the doctor to miss classes all week till Friday, but says she is doing little bit better and will try to go to classes tomorrow. So I’m hoping for the best.
My instinct is not to contact her roommate or boyfriend unless I didn’t hear from her at all for a long time. I do have the roommate’s number because D used her phone when hers broke, and I could probably figure out boyfriend’s from the texting records if I really had to. But at that age I think she would find it intrusive if I asked for their numbers or used them unless it was a dire emergency.
I remember my student health center at a large state school in the '80s,where we joked that the personnel were med school rejects they were so bad. Sounds like not a lot has changed.
Way back then, we used to joke that our health svc doc’s first question, no matter what symptoms you came with, was, “Could you be pregnant?” My kids did have good services available.
This question of contacting a friend is one you discuss before a crisis.
“Could you be pregnant?” I thought this was a standard question always asked of women of child bearing age as it could be relevant to any course of treatment, testing, medication, etc. I’ve always been asked this question in any medical setting.
We used to call our student health center “The Quack Shack.” Probably unfair.
Doschicos, it was literally her first question. Pull a muscle and limp in, have a fever and come with friends to help you walk, bad laceration, bleeding…she asked about pregnancy.