Do you know the details of the trains he takes because he tells you, or through analyzing the credit card bills? If it is the latter, it is another sign that you need to disentangle your finances!
I had to read that one twice to get the correct meaning, bookworm!!
mcat,
Its not about the money, its the thoughtfulness. If you cant decide what restaurant to pick, send $ and tell them to pick a nice one. If your wife prefers, Godiva is fine. Do that and BE DONE. But dont send a gift to her and nothing to your son.
I think the joint gift card for a specific restaurant is a good idea. Agree that if you tell us the city, we foodies can make suggestions. 
Sometimes you can order the gift cards online.
On another topic – while I will probably pay D2’s smallish college loans off for her, I will certainly make sure she knows the details of what I am doing. The loans are in her name – it seems overprotective and frankly unwise for your son to not at least be aware of his obligations and how they are being fulfilled.
Assuming these loans are in son’s name, he needs to know you’re paying them. It’s bizarre to me that he doesn’t know. But it can be a shock if he goes to apply for a loan or something and finds out his debt ratio is too high.
@nottelling, It is him who happens to tell us that he took train.
We still have calls (often short) but not as frequently as it was when he was an UG student. Also, he now came home much less frequently. So naturally we know much less now.
Just go to any grocery store, or to Staples or Target. They have a display of gift cards that includes visa gift cards. You don’t have to make a phone call or even go to the specific establishment.
Also, if you are smart enough to log onto CC, you should be able to use the Internet to purchase your gift cards.
Getting gift cards is NOT hard to do. You don’t have to do it by phone, and in fact, that is the hard way to buy these.
DD3’s boyfriend gave us a gift when he came down after Christmas for a few days; they were still in college. Last year we gave him a gift, but DD has her own place so he was not at our house. I don’t think he gave us anything. DD2’s boyfriend sent a flower arrangement and got a gift. We bought gifts for both this year, even before we bought the daughters anything.
@intparent, For the short calls between us now, we really do not cover the details. Actually, in our family’s strange dynamic, it is mostly my wife who handles this all by herself. She actually told me this after she had been doing it for quite some time. She said it is “better” for me not to know. She knows I am more into saving for retirement and DS’s need in the near future only. Maybe she wants to give me a pleasant surprise at the end of her financial maneuver?! LOL.
I knew that she really likes to keep HER end of promise (not exactly mine) of limiting his debt level to a certain amount when he gets out – I actually believed when she made that “promise”, she knew nothing about COA – the full cost of a year could be north of 80k! I am also confident that if we “fail” to keep our end of promise to him, he would understand that we have done our best.
@romani, I think his student loans debt is lower than the average.
@thumper1, We usually go to the store to buy the gift cards.
mcat, it’s irrelevant whether his student debt is lower than average. It’s HIS debt and he needs to know what is happening to it. If it’s in HIS name then it affects his credit score and other things.
Is that a promise to herself? Or a promise to your son?
Does she know you are very worried about having enough savings for retirement? What she is doing(paying down your son’s school debt) doesn’t exactly help your situation. Your son will have enough earning power to pay his own debts without jeopardizing his own retirement. I suggest you take care of yourselves first.
Your son lives in New Haven, right? There have got to be tons of restaurants, coffee shops, ice cream parlors, etc that offer gift cards online. This is a 1 minute purchase. Don’t overthink it. The posters familiar with New Haven might even be able to give you links. But honestly this is something anyone over the age of 14 can do these days. I think you make it difficult for yourself by overthinking.
You should not sacrifice your retirement for you child’s college costs.
If it is feasible to pay the interest then fine, I would not pay any more.
You also need to tell him about it.
Is this thread about a gift for a g/f or about a s’s student loans?
It is a thread about both!
Hmm… thought threads were supposed to stay on topic. Seems to be follow the bouncing ball, sometimes!
This is a thread in the Parent’s Cafe. We have been given specific license by the mods to meander there. And the OP mentioned the loan situation, it isn’t just a random detour.
I’d post a question on the Yale thread about nice restaurants, then follow up with a call to a promising restaurant.
Ah…New Haven? Not exactly the boondocks.
For fun, why not get them gift cards to several of the great New Haven pizza places…so the can compare! Start with Sally’s, Pepes, and Modern. Those three are the top. Not fancy, but definitely really good, and would be fun to compare the three.
I think Thumper’s suggestion is great–get a gift card to one or two restaurants in their area. That way you’ll give your son a gift as well as his significant other. It’s a great gift for a couple who both have busy lives.
@mcat2 You and your wife are not born in the US–is that correct? That may be one reason you don’t see Christmas as a big deal and that you only got gifts for your son when he was a young child. My folks were immigrants too and they never got “Christmas”–they thought (and correctly) that they gave us gifts by paying for our tuitions and, in the case of my brother, giving him a down payment for his first home. I have the sense you feel the same way.