Exactly.
As a speech path, I know that some male patients are born with short vocal cords, so their vocal pitch can be considered effeminate. You can’t generate new vocal cords in a pinch. Some patients do the therapy, and some live with it. It sounds like you missed out on someone wonderful who is comfortable within his own skin.
Now, I’ve always known, from an early age, that I was not considered the “typical” attractive female. No, I’m not down on myself, I just know that in the real world, and in the past, some people (not my true friends) often considered me as “nice”, but not as someone “date-able”.
Surprise! I dated a lot in high school/college and my boyfriends were attractive, and any new friends (introduced to “the boyfriend”), would often say, “WOW! “Your boyfriend is extremely good-looking!”
Then I would wait for the offensive remark:
“No offense” but how did you end up with him?”
And I would say, “I guess they like how I treat them?”
My husband finally explained it to me: He said that “You put everyone at ease when you first meet them. I love your exuberance for life.
That’s why I wanted to get to know you more and wanted eventually to marry you”.
It has nothing to do with looks. It has everything to do with learning about the person and how much they laugh and live their lives.
If you are not ready to make others or yourself comfortable in an awkward situation, by listening and carrying on a good conversation (about anything), then you are not ready to be in a long term relationship.
Topics I covered on dates of decades ago:
-coffee (and how my relatives prepared it, when the smell brings a good memory, etc.)
-living without the invention of cars and getting to places
-pizza and how I thought it was one of the basic 4 food groups
-living in the “wild west” and how amazing the people who lived before us, survived dust, dirt, farm life, clothing, etc.
There is no way I could have only had 15 minutes of conversation, unless the person reeked of Marlborough’s, and then, I was politely out of there.
You’re giving up on people who made TIME for you.
Find a good counselor/great counselor with a “direct” personality. Don’t stop going. You need consistency.