You have a choice- continue doing what you are doing.
Or doing something different. Your call.
If you meet someone at a swing dancing class, or sorting coats for the homeless, or planning the annual fundraiser for the animal shelter, or taking a water- color painting class, the risk of being “catfished” or not liking someone’s aura is greatly reduced.
You seem very defensive when responding to well meaning advice. If the video chatting were so successful at predicting what the vibe will be like in person, you wouldn’t be sad and frustrated, would you? People are very different on Zoom than they are in person. My husband is loud and aggressive on Zoom. He is sweet and self-effacing in person. Fortunately, I didn’t see him on video until we’d been married for 35 years or so.
Maybe take a break from online dating for a bit? One of my kids met their “one and only” while on a dating break. Sometimes the brain needs a reset…and you meet someone when you are NOT looking for a match. Less pressure. Someone asks you for coffee after you leave a class or lecture or planning meeting and it’s not a “date”, it’s just a cup of coffee… lowers the expectations…