Why did I ask? A series of parent questions

Parent Cafe
21

<p>^Yup. :)</p>

<p>Most of the time when I drove people when I shouldn’t (law doesn’t effect me anymore, as I’ve had my license for over a year), it was because they were stranded and had no other way to get home. However, I did once get “caught” at the mall when I got into a very small accident (just kinda scraped the side of another car while trying to park). Either the rent-a-cop (as my friends and I call him…XD I’m usually very respectful of cops, but this guy was a JERK and made a huge deal out of nothing, as the car I “hit” was not even damaged) didn’t look closely enough at my license, didn’t see that I had people in my car, or just didn’t care. He even called my mother to tell her I had been in an “accident”, but would not let me speak to her, to the point that she thought I was injured and freaked out when I called her. I was so traumatized by the cop’s insensitivity that my sister had to come and pick me up and then I had to go back to get my car.</p>

<p>The cop even waited around until the people who owned the other car CAME OUT, then asked if he wanted my information. The guy laughed in his face and said, “Are you sure she really hit me?”</p>

<p>The guy who owned the other car did call me later and told me he wasn’t taking any action, and apologized for the jerk cop. He also told me I “sounded like a very nice girl, and was sorry we couldn’t meet on nicer terms.” :)</p>

<p>Anyway. My mom told me later that she was very glad I wasn’t hurt, but that had the guy taken action, I would’ve been required to pay back any damage costs, as well as any difference in insurance.</p>

<p>Something I look back and laugh at now, but was CERTAINLY not funny when it happened.</p>

<p>AND, I still hate parking in that mall to this day. XD worst parking lot I’ve ever seen.</p>

22

<p>Our daughter’s only accident thus far was when rear-ended her best friends 1990 minivan on the way to the mall. No real damage…I think we bought the friend a $50 gc since the van wasn’t worth repairing. Keep a level head and you’ll do fine.</p>

23

<p>Touching bases with host parents definitely helps give you a feel for the supervision at the party. It sounds like you know your son and have a good relationship. I always let my kids know to call me even if they had done something that involved poor judgement (yep no one is perfect).<br>
Better to check a problem before it gets worse.</p>

<p>HGFM, trust is so important and my kids also are quite honest with me, even as young adults. Sometime TMI! hahaha. As parents we tried to extend freedom as they got older through high school, with the understanding that with that freedom comes responsibility. OP a little guided freedom allows them to prove their trust.</p>

<p>HS is the hardest yet most amazing time for both teens and their parents.</p>

24

<p>On Oldfort’s suggestion, I’d add a bit. Personally, I was disappointed in the whole realm of “call and make sure the parents will be home.” As a newcomer to an upscale suburb, I didn’t have working relationships with most of the parents of my kids’ school friends. When I phoned, as I did each time in 9th and l0th grades, sure enough they all said, “We’ll be home, of course!” </p>

<p>In actual fact, some of the “at homes” circulated through the parties periodically and knew what was going on. which meant what was going on was within some frame of healthiness. These were happy gatherings, according to my S, and he developed many friends.</p>

<p>Others hid in their Master Bedroom Suites all night, while the kids drank significant amounts, the party size grew like topsy, S returned home from one having been literally spun in circles and given several kinds of alchohol all while the parents were home, hiding somewhere I guess. Big houses.</p>

<p>So, it’s a question of what a parent means when they say, “I’ll be home during the party.” I’d suggest to ask a bit beyond that, but thoughtfully. People take insult very quickly when a parent whom they don’t know begins to question them about what they do in their own home. It’s very delicate, and easy to offend when you don’t know the people, yet care about your kid’s welfare. I did my best to be dilligent, but polite with an extra question or maybe 2, not a full interrogation! </p>

<p>After a few experiences, my S began to ask for himself what would be the atomosphere of the party, and went to some but not others. He’d say (by senior year…) I’m going to this party, here’s the address and phone, and the parents will be home…He was ready for me to check in on it, but I didn’t because I could see he was self-censoring his choices. That was the best result of all. He declined more invitations than he accepted, but was using his own standards by then. We had people over here, as well, on occasions like a birthday or cast party. I never met a single parent face-to-face in all those years of his h.s., but am not active at the PTA or school events level, which I admire in parents. </p>

<p>He didn’t like the over-the-top nasty parties, but got to enjoy some nice times in some nice homes before leaving for college. The difference wasn’t whether or not the parents are home (they all were) but how the parents interacted with the party throughout the evening.</p>

25

<p>I found a friend who had the kid over to her house in seventh grade, and his parents called her to ask whether they keep guns in the house before they let him come over, so maybe they’ll be diligent … and not too put off when I call myself.</p>

<p>My son doesn’t have his license yet, but we’ve had the conversation about not getting in the car with someone whose been drinking, etc. He asked whether he could be designated driver for friends who’d been drinking. :slight_smile: I told him to call me first because I want to make sure he checks them over for open containers of alcohol and the like. </p>

<p>I agree with JC* – as the kids get older the challenges get greater, but it’s so satisfying when things go right. Not looking forward to the first girlfriend though!</p>