<p>I love the comments. This situation is ever so normal with teens and young adults. It has made me craaaaazy. Yes, they’ll bite off their noses to spite their faces.</p>
<p>Actually her new grip will help prevent injuries if anything. She is only serious enough to join a team, nothing beyond. This is really a case of “biting their noses off.” But it is out of my hand. I said it was up to her after trying it for a few months. She complied with it and now decided what she’d like to do.</p>
<p>Iglooo said: “If she doesn’t make it, it’s OK by me. What bothers me most is this is something she wants to get.”</p>
<p>Ah, grasshopper, but there is something she wants more than that, yes?</p>
<p>DS wanted to Do It By Himself more than he wanted to make a high quality CD. If he wanted the latter more, he would’ve checked with the many people around who know about the impedances of recording mics vs. live vocal mics, particularly the El Cheapo ones I have for the garage band, but . . . first things first.</p>
<p>The Good News here is that we ALL learn in part by doing it ourselves, which is why your kid’s reaction is so normal.</p>
<p>Good luck!!!</p>
<p>“I love the comments. This situation is ever so normal with teens and young adults.”</p>
<p>I doubt that I’m the only mature adult here who still sometimes refuses to do what’s best for me. Sometimes my kids call me on that, too.</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>Guilty! I ate a piece of cheesecake last night even though I want to drop a couple of pounds before our trip to Calif. LOL My son teased me about that.</p>
<p>I think the difference is that we adults usually KNOW when we’re making a bad choice (or less preferred choice). Teens, on the other hand, will defend the indefensible with some of the most illogical arguments. LOL</p>
<p>(Of course, adults can do that, too.)</p>
<p>LOL 
I was just about to write, “Why do I refuse to do what’s best for me?” and then I got to the end of the thread, and voila, beat me to it!</p>
<p>The Human Condition.</p>
<p>Hey, "I ate a piece of cheesecake last night even though I want to drop a couple of pounds before our trip to Calif. LOL My son teased me about that.'</p>
<p>-This could work very well… just do not eat anything else in that day, I promise, you will “drop a couple of pounds” in this one day and be done with your goal. Ice cream works the best for me… maybe because I love it.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Sorry, that will not make her grow up. That will encourage her to grow up.</p>
<p>
Parents can’t possibly know everything. Often times it’s not even necessary to give your opinion on the matter, especially when you try to say that your opinion is better than their opinion. Nobody likes that. Furthermore, too many times I’ve caught parents saying unnecessary things to their children. Things like, why don’t you go do your homework… to a 17 or 18 year old child who is going to college. It’s absurd. Sometimes I think that parents find it hard to find a middle ground between a completely hands on or hands off approach.</p>
<p>Honestly, annoying the children with every little thing like brushing your teeth, doing your homework, or using a different technique in a sport (I have personal experience, this is definitely the worst) will only do that: annoy them. It’s likely they won’t listen anyway. All teenagers want is a bit of responsibility because most can easily handle it. It’s not all the kid’s fault when he develops an attitude that he knows everything, and it’s possible that it does develop because of the things mentioned above.</p>
<p>Oops, didn’t mean to ramble. Before I put on my flame retardant suit, of course I know all parents don’t do this. I just saw the above comment and it reminded me of how discouraged I get when I see things like that happen.</p>
<p>You won’t need a flame retardant suit, but I will respond. Once.
I’m sorry to have annoyed my children. I’m sorry to have annoyed the children I’ve chaperoned. I’m sorry to have annoyed the children I’ve taught. And I’m sorry to have annoyed the children I’ve coached. Heck, I’m just one annoying person.</p>
<p>Any child that has to be reminded to brush his teeth probably isn’t ready to go to college and certainly isn’t ready to live off campus, as he will surely want to do his second year. When we parents grew up, we read a little rhyme. Perhaps you’ve heard it:
When you feel nagged about the littlest things that you think are unimportant, remember this rhyme and you will understand why some parents are the way they are. And when you remember the rhyme, remember that many parents are simply trying to help children meet the child’s goals. When the child says, “I want to go to Juilliard,” and can’t bother to practice scales, the parent has a choice: help the child meet the goal by reminding him to practice scales or ignore the problem knowing that this course of action will dramatically reduce the possibility of the child meeting his goals. You can insert anything you want after the child’s desired destination (sports, college, music, etc. - anything that requires dedication and commitment.)</p>
<p>As far as being discouraged when you see how some parent treats their child, remember this also: the parent lives with the child and has done so for a decade and a half. The outside observer cannot possibly understand the depth of experience the parent has with the child. And as far as the item about reminding a college-bound child to do his homework, search this site for all the questions/posts about children having their admission rescinded for bad final grades in senior year; it’s a real issue. Reflecting on that, might it be appropriate for the parent to remind the college-bound child to do homework?</p>
<p>Finally, it’s always interesting to hear that “all teenagers want is a bit of responsibility” when the reality is that all teenagers really want is two things: independence and a big soft cushy net in which they will be caught when life throws a curve ball at them. Again, look around this site at all of your peers who are posting HELP ME!!! I’m getting rescinded, being prosecuted, losing my driver’s license, flunking a class, pregnant, etc. Involved parents are trying hard to help their children avoid ever having to write one of those notes.</p>
<p>The two arguably two best women tennis players in the US for the last decade are Venus and Serena Williams. They were both homeschooled and they learned tennis from their dad. He wasn’t a professional player nor a teaching pro. I think that he learned tennis from books.</p>
<p>At any rate, they both certainly listened to their parents.</p>
<p>Maybe she doesn’t really want to make the varsity tennis team, she just thinks that you want her to. No offense, but if this the extent of your problems you have it very good… and maybe this is what is best for her. You seem quite involved in pushing her to succeed at tennis, which can be a lot of pressure, especially if she is frustrated that she feels like she isn’t living up to your expectations.</p>
<p>How did I know someone will come along to say that it’s really my desire not myD’s? My job is to support her and praise her. Praising is much easier when she makes genuine progress than when she has it stunted. I am still looking for something to praise and do praise her whenever I can. I do however feel having a split personality. I’d prefer something more straightforward.</p>
<p>@iglooo - this thread has me a bit confused. Is it a tennis issue or a child rearing issue? On the tennis front, I thought that BC eagle had good tennis instruction. As one that did some damage on the court, I would say that unless you play tennis at a competitive level you should stay out of it. The game is very difficult and one of extreme pressure. How a player responds to that pressure is a strong determinant of success. This assumes that you have some technical skill. And if your D is trying out for a competitive team then she must have some decent skill or she wouldn’t even try out. </p>
<p>Also, I never got whether this was the backhand or the forehand? This is important and we need to know what side is weak and what grip she has? Many a great player has covered up for their weaknesses by adapting and creating an alternative response. Hence Steffi Graf with the backhand slice and really no topspin drive. Your D needs to develop her game on her own based upon what is comfortable and with a coach that she trusts. A parent, even if a skilled tennis player, may be offering solid instruction but the player/child is not listening and this is most likely due to their comfort level with the existing shot. Perhaps the shot is good but she could be physically weak and therefore some weight training would be preferred?</p>
<p>On the child rearing front, perhaps you should afford your D some independence. I have rising senior DS that is handling his own affairs and I stand down and let him. Sure I am always on pins and needles with the impending decisions he is making, but the gratification is that the decisions are sound and they are his. This builds confidence and a series of successes. Invaluable in my humble opinion.</p>
<p>Nah, nothing that serious. Just pointless ranting. I am not even on pins and needles. Just a little annoyed. It’s something she wanted to do. A coach showed her a way that wotks. She refuses to listen because the coach is a bit clumsy. Sure, it’s her decision. Is a parent allowed to point out how mature people make their decisions?</p>
<p>Yes! You should tell her that mature people go onto the internet and get advice from complete strangers, wiegh the pros and cons and then go read a book. ;)</p>
<p>As a parent, you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.</p>
<p>If you take an interest in her tennis, you are overbearing and if you let her alone about it, you are not an involved parent. You actually can’t win. </p>
<p>When I want to give my kid’s advice, I say, “Look, I’m going to tell you this because it will make me feel better and then I can stop thinking about it, you will then do with it what you will, but you are old enough to listen to my concerns.”</p>
<p>About 75% of the time, they do what it is they were going to do to begin with, but then they change it up and try another way. The trick, when they DO listen, is not to ever mention it, ever again. If she brings it up, again, then you can just say, “You know how I feel about this. What are YOU going to do about it?”</p>
<p>Do you have any excellent summer reading lined up for yourself? :D</p>