“Seems in this day and age those rules should be re-visited”
Most sorority members are younger than 21 for most of their time in the house (and often it is only sophomores and a few officers living in the house, so most residents under 21). They aren’t allowed to have alcohol parties, just like dorms aren’t because most residents are under 21. There are safety features when they go to the frat houses. The 3 sorority houses are in fraternity row, all on the same side and all very close to the dorm. If it is an official mixer at a frat house, even if there is no drinking involved, a girl cannot leave without a buddy. My daughter was at a function at one house, didn’t feel well and wanted to leave. Two sisters walked her to the dorm - which was across the street and a lot closer than the library or the student union is - and then they returned to the function. Not dangerous on that occasion, but the rules are there so that no one needs to decide if the situation is dangerous or not, no one leaves without a buddy.
I don’t think the ‘they’re going to drink anyway, so let them drink in the sorority house’ view is right. Should bars just let anyone in because they know the kids are going to drink anyway, so why not let them drink in the bar closest to their homes or dorms? Should liquor stores sell to anyone because we know they are going to get the beer anyway?
Sororities, and their insurers, are following the law.
The frats aren’t following the law, they often get put on probation at their schools, and certainly are putting the members who are 21 at risk for supplying alcohol to minors. I don’t think the national or the house owners should turn a blind eye, but I’m not their mother. If I were making the rules, the would be different. At DD’s school, the school owns the frat houses and there are more rules and they are put on probation for alcohol all the time.
Should the sororities do it just because the frats do? Do you let your kids do stuff you know is wrong just because ‘all the other kids are doing it’?
I really think the national organization is doing the girls a favor. They don’t have to decide whether or not to have alcohol at their parties as the decision has been made for them. My kids often didn’t want to do something with friends in high school, and I was their excuse. “My mom won’t let me.” I took the blame. Problem solved.
Never thought about this issue (!) - I always thought fraternity houses were gross. It’s hard to imagine the sorority houses I knew (and I was a rush counselor so I saw every one) throwing big frat-style parties.
My sorority house was on the other side of campus from Fraternity Row. It was not a large school, but it was a 15 minute or so walk. Even back then (late 70’s) my sisters and I had each other’s backs. We routinely found a sister or more than one to walk home with. It was not an issue.
I do remember our chapter asking if we could serve wine to the parents on Parent’s weekend and being told no. But I don’t remember any of my sisters ever wanting a party at the house.
“Instead of focusing solely/mostly on alcohol, why not include gargantuan BBQs heavy on the ribs, hamburgers, etc…or fine multi-course dinners composed of fillet mignon, a large suckling pig, 30+ Ib turkey/goose, lamb chops, fine birds ranging from chickens to pheasant/grouse, fine desserts, and as for the spirits…beers are fine though please, have more variety than mass market light beers like Budweiser or Coors.”
Feel free to join and pay the dues to cover serving all that food. Wouldn’t want you to be a freeloader.
Well technically I think the rules are actually the same for both frats and sororities, and for legal and insurance reasons the rules can’t be changed. But that is really not the issue. The issue is that the different enforcement policies leave the frats controlling the parties. And I agree with Alexandra Robbins that this gives the fraternity brothers disproportionate social power. Now some sororities may say “fine with us we have no desire to throw parties” but perhaps others may feel differently. Why should they not have the same option? And perhaps those sororities would throw very different kinds of parties that could start to change the culture or just provide an alternative to the frats. Perhaps parties that were smaller and less focused on excessive consumption of alcohol.
My own D is fortunate in that she attends a school where the frat scene is much tamer than what you find nationally. Her experience last Fall as a first semester freshman was a good one as far as the frats were concerned. Because of athletic commitments the next day she often had to leave the party earlier in the evening than her friends. She normally only goes to the frats where she is friendly with some of the members, and one of them has always walked her to the “safe ride” stop and waited with her. She has an Uber account if she ever finds herself on her own.
But thinking back to some of the threads where we have discussed all the problems typically associated with the more main stream frat scene, it occurred to me that allowing the frats to exclusively control the parties probably contributes to the whole issue. If the girls want to have a few beers with their friends for the most part that have to be on frat territory. I think that puts some of them at a disadvantage. Especially those that do not have a lot of experience with drinking and might not yet know their limits.
I appreciate all the reasons why a group of women in a sorority might choose not to host any parties in their house. But the fact remains that they really aren’t choosing that, except indirectly by choosing to join a national sorority. I would think there ought to be some way that women could decide to take control of their own social lives, and throw a party that would feel like a party, with a little air of anything-could-happen to it, but without necessarily requiring squads of carpenters, cleaners, and SVU prosecutors when it was over.
Everything else feels like veiled paternalism (or maybe, in this context, maternalism):
“They don’t want to pay for it.” Maybe not, but you haven’t asked.
“They don’t want their houses to look and smell like a frat house.” Same answer, I guess, but also who said that the only kind of party to throw would be one that made your house look and smell like that?
“There are other ways to have fun besides large parties.” Of course there are, and women in sororities have those other kinds of fun a lot, I suspect. But lots and lots of women like parties, too. (My wife didn’t, when we were in college, but she was in a distinct minority.)
By not permitting a culture of parties run by women to emerge, you perpetuate a system in which “party” is invariably associated with mayhem and date rape.
They can throw parties now off premise and they do it all the time. My kid’s sorority rents a bus to take everyone there. I don’t think it is right that sororities can’t have parties at their house, but maybe no one really cared enough to change the rules.
That being said, I’m not sure my parents would have let me join a sorority (or paid for it) if they thought it operated more like a fraternity house. Little did they seem aware that your house mom didn’t take roll call at night.
There’s probably parent concerns around this issue too.
I think the only parties my D’s sorority is able to throw are off campus and they are limited to the formal and semi formal events which are only twice a year. Definitely not even close to the every Saturday night parties hosted by the frats.
Back in the 70s, when the drinking age was still 18, we had lots of parties in our sorority house. There were elegant, invitation only, parties. We dressed up. Waiters brought drinks on a tray. I remember lots of champagne. Sometimes we had an open bar, but usually not. Occasionally a sangria punch.
There was an annual cook-out with kegs, also invitation only.
There was always a Homecoming buffet for members, guests, alums. There were kegs for the week leading up to Homecoming when we made those floats/decorations night after night and all of sorority row was a party; a different sort of party than fraternity row.
Our parties were, more or less, the sorts of parties our parents gave and practice for our own future party giving. It was part of what the sorority taught. It is too bad that is no longer the case. imho.
They can have parties; they are not supposed to have alcohol at official events.
But you know, no one stops anyone from going to Susie Sorority’s off campus apartment (well, perhaps Susie’s landlord if it gets out of hand, but that’s no different from Iona Independent). There continues to be this weird assumption that every single sorority girl lives in her house all 4 years. I don’t know where that comes from, as it all varies by specific campus and housing stock.
Likewise, in places where houses are on-campus, it’s a lot riskier for them to try and get away with it versus when they are in privately owned homes off campus.
I don’t see why this is a Greek specific issue though. Dorms have parties. Off-campus apartment dwellers have parties.
“I appreciate all the reasons why a group of women in a sorority might choose not to host any parties in their house. But the fact remains that they really aren’t choosing that, except indirectly by choosing to join a national sorority. I would think there ought to be some way that women could decide to take control of their own social lives, and throw a party that would feel like a party, with a little air of anything-could-happen to it, but without necessarily requiring squads of carpenters, cleaners, and SVU prosecutors when it was over.”
Wasn’t there something in Michigan last year where frats and sororities went in on renting cottages? Now these were “bad” ones who caused damage and shame on them, but I presume there are also “good” ones where it’s under reasonable control, no?
My D told me this week-end that she can’t help but notice a dearth of upper classmen at the frat parties. She said one of the best parties she went to was one her “big sister” took her to at an off campus apartment. It was mostly upper classmen and she said she could actually talk to people. Said the quality of what was served was much higher than what she is offered at the frats. Apparently at the frats a very common drink is something called “Rubinoff” which D said seems to be really lethal according to what she has seen.