<p>I love movies, especially classic films, and I used to enjoy the movie theater experience. I don’t enjoy it anymore, for most of the reasons already mentioned by others in this thread. I stay away from movie theaters these days primarily because I resent paying prime rib prices for hamburger films. Prime rib films (for which I am willing to pay) are few and far between; however, I wouldn’t waste my time on hamburger films, even if the tickets were free. </p>
<p>I agree that movie theater audiences have become outrageously inconsiderate and rude. I’ve observed, however, that the worst offenders aren’t little kids, teens, and young adults, but people my age (I’ll turn 55 in a few days) and older–people who are old enough to know how to behave in public, but apparently think that their advanced age entitles them to behave as they please. I am shocked by the public antics of these old codgers; they’re a discredit to my generation. It pleases me to know that my 18-year-old daughter has better “old fashioned” manners than the genuinely “old fashioned” people she encounters in movie theaters and elsewhere in public. </p>
<p>I hate being disturbed while I’m watching a movie, so over the years, I’ve found some creative ways to deal with rude movie theater patrons. One time, a trio of three piece-suited behemoths intentionally sat directly in front of my party (even though the house was nearly empty, and the behemoths could have sat anywhere else). I cued one of my party to stage a phony–and nauseating–coughing fit, after which I inquired (just loudly enough to be overheard, my voice dripping with concern), “Did you remember to bring your antibiotics?” The behemoths glanced at and nudged each other, then got up, and moved. Another time, Mr. and Mrs. Middle Aged Yuppie sat directly behind my party, and proceeded to loudly talk… and talk… and talk… and talk… through the ads, and through the trailers, and through the opening credits of the film, and then into the opening scene of the film. My party began our well-rehearsed and almost always effective We’ve Got Bugs routine. A little head scratch here. A little arm scratch there. More frequent and vigorous scratching here… and there… and even there. The Middle Aged Yuppies suddenly fell silent, then whispered to each other, and hurriedly got up and fled.</p>
<p>The most spontaneous, audacious, and hilarious handling of problem patrons was pulled off by one of my best friends more than thirty years ago. He and I–both great classic film buffs–were comfortably settled in our retro movie house seats quietly anticipating a Hitchcock double feature. Mr. and Mrs. Bickerson arrived, and sat directly behind us. They began to argue loudly about the restaurant where they had just eaten, about whether they should stop somewhere for dessert or go directly home after the movies, and about the movies themselves. (Mr. B hated Hitchcock films; Mrs. B loved them, and had obviously dragged her husband to the theater.) My friend and I exchanged glances, agreeing that these patrons were going to be a problem. Then, as the house lights dimmed, Mr. B barked to his wife, “I’m going to take a nap! If I start snoring, wake me up!” My lightning-tongued (and fed-up) friend whipped around in his seat, fixed Mr. B with a laser beam stare, and hissed, “If you fall asleep and start snoring, I’ll wake you up.” My friend and I didn’t hear another peep out of the Bickersons except during the intermission.</p>
<p>hsmomstef 's strobe light story reminds me of how thick-headed movie theater staff caused another best friend of mine to have a public meltdown. This friend and I were avid moviegoing partners. We decided to see different movies one day, and meet outside my friend’s theater afterward. As I approached his theater, I heard someone yelling about rats. The voice I heard was familiar. My jaw dropped as I saw my friend–one of the most mild-mannered people I’ve ever known–bouncing up and down, gesticulating wildly at the people standing in line for the next show, and yelling at the top of his lungs, “Don’t go in there! They’ve got rats! Rats! Don’t waste your money! Rats!” My friend was literally hopping mad. Later, after my friend calmed down, he told me that fifteen minutes before the end of his movie, theater staff had stopped the film and brought up the house lights. A theater staffer walked to the front of the auditorium and announced, “Everyone will have to leave because there’s a rat in the theater.” My friend said he was initially annoyed (of course), but not mad. He went to the box office to get his money back and was refused twice–once by the clerk and then by the manager–who told him, “You saw most of the film, so you have to pay.” That’s when my friend got mad, especially when he saw that the theater intended to admit the next show’s audience. He subsequently wrote a complaint letter to the theater chain owner, and a letter to the editor of the local newspaper. He also told everyone he knew (including many of our other avid moviegoing friends) about his experience at that theater, which he swore he’d never patronize again. (I don’t think he ever did, either.)</p>
<p>Of course, every once in awhile, a movie theater experience is pleasantly memorable–such as my recent first (and so far, only) visit to Mann’s Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood. What a magnificent place! Living, breathing history! After the movie ended, I wanted to keep sitting there, soaking in the atmosphere, and wondering how those ceiling-mounted gongs would sound if I had a ladder and a mallet handy!</p>