We were able to have our kids hang in there in public school thru 8th grade and then go to a very good private HS and U. We were fortunate we had good access to libraries, bookstores, computers, and that I was able to supplement a lot. We believe our kids benefitted from their public school K-8 experiences.
It’s complicated. I have one very very bright November birthday boy who we were encouraged to redshirt just because he was a boy and a shy boy at that. In our community it was common to redshirt boys because they were 1) slower to mature and 2) bigger boys did better in sports. I did not hold him back because he was so bright and he was big for his age. He had a rough time in first grade but after that did fine. (He is still shy. I insisted to his preschool teacher that time wouldn’t make him less shy and I was right.) The main concerns in our community were emotional maturity and size for boys.
I remember that a kindergarten teacher would have a class with a girl who was four (her parents thought she was a genius and also wanted the childcare of public school) and a boy who was almost seven (redshirted). That was such a wide range! I also remember families moving in to our community were surprised at the degree of redshirting. Parents of boys in particular were shocked to find their grade appropriate aged boys to be dwarfed by the boys who were held back.
Yep.
This is what happened to me when I was skipped third grade. I caught up within a year. After that, school was no more challenging than it would have been if I hadn’t been skipped.
And this was decades ago, when students who were skipped received no extra support from the school. Today, I understand that such students are often given assistance in making up the missed curriculum. So the academic challenge for them is even less than what I faced.
On the advice of a very wise preschool teacher, I was red-shirted back in the 60s when it was very rare. I’ve always thanked my parents. I was highly intelligent but socially awkward and I’m thankful that I had another year to grow up before I had to face the social challenges of middle school.
I am a late July baby, about 2 weeks from the cut off in our district. I’ve always been the youngest in my class and the least emotionally developed. My parents were dead set on having me repeat kindergarten, but the teachers talked them out of it, saying it would hold me back intellectually; they also wanted to push me ahead a grade.
I ended up excelling through elementary and middle school scoring perfect scores on every single one of my STARR and TAKS tests (Texas standardized testing), but emotionally I was not there. That extra year could have done wonders I believe, because it did wonders when I was held back in 7th grade.
We moved and thought it was the perfect time for me to make the decision to repeat 7th grade, and it was one of the better decisions I’ve made.
I am happy I had the chance to mature an extra year in middle school, but I just wonder if I’d been better off repeating kindergarten instead.
re #44
Oh man you couldn’t pay me to repeat 7th grade - especially as the new kid at the school. The most miserable year of my life!
There is no right answer. I have 2 boys near the cutoff. One, about a week before the cutoff we waited with as his preschool teacher felt that while he was intellectually ready, the kids in her other preschool classes were much more mature. The other was about a month before and we sent him, partly because it didn’t seem to help the older brother, partly because his playgroup friends were all going, and partly due to our own circumstances at the time. The one that was not held back has actually done better. He is naturally more mature, and was able to be a varsity starter in his sport. I honestly have no idea if that is at all related to him having to learn good work habits as a young kid because it wasn’t as easy for him, or just a difference in personality.
It was hard on the young one to be the youngest in the class, but also hard on the older one to be the one of the oldest.
I just don’t believe a couple of months makes that big of a difference. Is there really a difference in maturity between a kid that turns 5 in June vs September? Someone is always going to be the youngest.
That being said, there is evidence that highly gifted kids are better served by skipping and by being in an academically challenging atmosphere. Skipping one grade may not be enough. But for the OP it sounds like your HS was not challenging enough. In our HS even the most gifted kids had to work very hard to get good grades. Kids could skate through in “regular” classes, but the honors and APs were very challenging - even for the smart kids.
We often torture ourselves with “if onlys”. If only I had held Kid A back, or skipped K B a grade, or if I had figured out Kid C had a learning difference earlier, even if the school did not notice. We all do the best we can with the information we have at the time. I hope your son continues on this good path.
I have a friend who calls these debates about one’s children as making the “least-worst” decision. So much depends on the child, the school, the ability of parents to supplement academics or provide other activities, ages/needs of siblings, the accessibility of doctors and other professionals to help diagnose any issues, etc. And it may be a completely different calculation the following year. Do the best you can, with what you can.
I taught preK for years and wish all children would have a Gesell Developmental Observation done as part of the placement process. It is effective at gauging the developmental age of a child, which is a key component of kinder readiness. Both parents and teachers often make placement decisions based on a child’s cognitive abilities or chronological age alone without full consideration of social and emotional factors.
An extra year of preschool or kinder is not in and of itself the right answer; some kids need OT, PT, or other forms of help, but more time gives them a chance to address any issues that are present. Kinder today is comparable to first & second grade a generation ago, and sending kids who are not ready on is often setting them up to struggle.
Seventh grade wasn’t too bad for me. Eighth grade, though … Ugh!
It defiantly depends on the child. My parents chose not to “red shirt” me only because I did not enjoy pre school very much and most of my friends were older. I could also read pretty well at that point, so kindergarten was the best option. However, there are some kids that did need that extra year, or extra help.
yauponredux, what we got out of the redshirt year was that S1 needed OT and sensory integration work, and that he had ADD-inattentive issues. When he was young for grade, everyone assumed it was age immaturity. When he was the oldest and those things were still happening, it enabled us to get him some help and for us to parent differently. In some ways, the social cluelessness insulated him from some extremely toxic teachers. That said, the social stuff was still tough for him for a long time, until he got into a better academic fit and found other kids who liked programming, Pokemon, etc.
You have to know your kid. My brother, my sister and I all started K at 4. My sister and I had no issues. My brother did. Calif very late cut-off. Maybe a fall boy might need to be delayed? I might not start a boy if he had a fall Bday.
My dad’s birthday was December 31 and the cut-off 80-odd years ago was January 1. He was the youngest in his class and he didn’t like it - another reason I was red-shirted when red-shirting wasn’t cool.
Hindsight is 20/20, don’t beat yourself up. You did what felt right at that point. Who knows how good or bad or similar things would be today if you made a different decision at that moment.
From my own experience with my D, who is an year ahead and was offered to skip grades but didn’t accept, there is no academic disadvantage. She goes to school with a very intelligent and competitive student body and they are taking most rigorous courses with teachers who have high standards. She is probably more mature than 99% of them though most are 6 months-2 years old as redshirting is a norm here in our district.
I do feel that socially and physically older kids are at advantage.
If you look at recent studies, they suggest that older kids have an academic advantage for a year or two but younger kids pick up faster and by 2nd or third grade older kids loose their academic advantages. In the end younger kids are better off as they learn to work hard and challenge themselves to keep up.
There are so many contributing factors involved that may have been the reason your son felt burned out, this could be one but certainly not the only factor.
Most of us try to do our best by our kids and often feel guilt that possibly we could’ve done better but that’s just normal. We don’t write their destiny, there are forces much bigger than us. I’m glad that things finally worked out for him. That’s all we wish for them to find ways to beat every hurdle that comes their way.
Studies do suggest that being older among your peers is sure helpful in athletics, social life, gaining leadership positions and getting opposite sex’s attention.
Knowing all that I know now, I do feel that overall redshirting is a big advantage and people who did it, didn’t regret.
This is very YMMV and not universal.
For instance, when I started elementary school in the early-mid '80s in a former working-class neighborhood, there was actually a far greater stigma to being a “redshirted kid” than being the youngest kid in the class. And this wasn’t only among elementary school peers, but also among parents, adult neighbors, and many teachers at the time.
The common assumption was if a kid was 1 or more years older than grade level that s/he was left back for academic reasons or was slow intellectually. On the flipside, those who were a year younger or more for a given grade level may have been bullied a bit more(firsthand experience here)*, but that was balanced out by being regarded as one of the smarter/impressive kids for being able to keep up/exceed their older peers academically and otherwise.
This was likely one key factor in why a few public magnet HS classmates who turned out to be 1+ years older than grade level did their utmost to conceal their actual age until a decade+ out of HS when it no longer mattered as much.
- Also, this placed me in a bit of a win-win if I stood up to those bullies. If I was defeated, my younger age would provide a great excuse which would garner sympathy from everyone and even some begruding respect from the older kids.
If I fought back and won(i.e. Little 6 year old second grade me retaliating against much bigger 5-6th grade kid attacking me in playground by literally stoning him), the win will be impressive and the older/bigger bully ended up with egg on his face.
My opinion is that it will all sort itself out eventually. My eldest was a tiny girl, born 3 weeks before the cutoff. We held her back and she entered college at 15. My second was born a month after the cutoff, and was skipped a grade by the school district in middle school. My youngest, a boy, was just not classroom material at age five, and we put him in a jr. K program. He is 25 and will graduate from college this spring.
Every kid is different, every school is different, every situation is different. A parent has to make the best decision they can and hope and pray it all works out.
I guess I am a bit surprised by the comments which suggest redshirting is always an option. In NYC, the only way to do this is to enroll your kid in private school—and most private schools have earlier cut offs anyway. In the public school system, you HAVE to enroll in the grade that matches your chronological age.
I have a young friend with a son with a November birthday. She wanted to redshirt him and her reasons were valid IMO–due to a medical condition he has had some developmental delays. Public school absolutely positively would not let her do it. She wanted to enroll him in a public kindergarten. She tried. Had to submit a birth certificate and heard back from the local public school that he would be in first grade.
He’s doing well despite mom’s fears. Of course, if he wasn’t, the school might recommend having him repeat a grade. But …redshirting before starting school? Be prepared to pay private school tuition.
I’m not sure how or why, but our public school did allow us to decide what grade we were enrolling our kids into. We enrolled both of our Nov-born babies into K, even tho they could have been enrolled into 1st grade, since they were turning 5 a few months after the school year began and before 12/31. I know of other parents who were not allowed to choose and like @jonri says were required to enroll their public school kids in the grade that corresponded to their birth year, even if they were born on 12/31.
When our kids switched to private HS, they were with many of the kids they went to pre-school with. They were not the oldest or youngest, tho D did have some friends who are about a year or more younger than her who started school according to the year they were born.
(Our state later changed the law so that kids must be in K if they turn 5 by 7/31. http://www.hawaiipublicschools.org/ParentsAndStudents/GradeLevelOverview/Kindergarten/Pages/home.aspx)
One of nephews was born 8/31 in a 9/1 cutoff. He was tiny and terribly immature. State regs required that he go into K. It was miserable for all concerned. He repeated K and things weren’t much better. He’s very bright, but has untreated ADHD and his parents divorced during this time and just kind of left him to fend for himself. We considered bringing him up here to live with us, but my brother refused.