<p>How involved a parent should be depends on far too many variables to have a cut-and-dry answer - the kid, the high school, the college ambitions, and finances to name a few.</p>
<p>In our case, our high school and GC offer little to no help in the process (I had to call her and explain how to upload the school report and transcript to CommonApp). Their emphasis is on getting the large majority of the class to apply to the local CC. The top kids generally apply to UT, A&M, and Texas Tech, where the admissions process is quite different than for LAC’s. So, I have had to play both GC and Mom! (and taxi driver / travel agent) I also offer some help to my son’s friends and their parents when asked. Many of them have now applied to out of state privates once they realized the opportunities available to them. (S2 hangs around with kids who are all ranked higher than he is…)</p>
<p>Even though I did help S1 get organized for the applications process, believe me, he is plenty independent now that he is in college!</p>
<p>The level of competition for places at elite schools and jobs is already adversity that most generations did not face.</p>
<p>We can argue that a state school education is just as good (I have one), but if one wants an elite education the odds are much more difficult. Just compare the rising SAT scores of elite colleges.</p>
<p>I went to a state school, but when I think of my friends who all graduated in ('69 – weren’t we lucky LOL) most of them couldn’t get into the colleges they attended with the stats they had.</p>
<p>And on that subject, even private college was nowhere near as expensive as it is today.</p>
<p>I think the ideal of a young adult handling his/her life on his/her own is a great ideal, I think the society has already provided plenty of adversity to off set some parental help.</p>
<p>I was one of those who did everything herself, include fund my school, and to be quite honest, I still have emotional scars from being forced to be that self-sufficient.</p>
<p>Scylla and Charybdis – hard for every generation to sail through. Ideally kids are given just enough support to one day stand on their own two feet. Just how much that it varies widely by child and situation.</p>
<p>My mom says I had no parenting after I was 8. I think that was a pathological situation brought about by a narcissistic mother. I am very self-sufficient, but it has been at a quite high cost.</p>
<p>^Absolutely agree but there’s a huge difference between offering assistance, advice and helping to organize and having to cajole, nag and threaten in order to get an unmotivated kid to do what needs to be done. I believe that was the OP’s issue. Her son got into a safety or two and now seems to have lost interest in applying anywhere else. She was perplexed because he’s a great student who usually is self-motivated.</p>
<p>We have a pretty good GC program at our school but, truthfully, a lot of motivated kids seem to drive the process themselves. Some, like my son, who is a very good student, seem to less than motivated. He’s managed to meet all his deadlines (so far) but he steadfastly refused to do much research on schools and we had to force him to visit colleges (with one or two exceptions). Those are the kids that need to deal with the consequences of their (lack of) actions. Having someone ‘pulling’ them along might end up backfiring in the long run. </p>
<p>After he got into his safety, we told him the rest was up to him. We are happy to offer assistance if asked but we’re not going to stay on him to get his applications done. If he misses a deadline, so be it. </p>
<p>Believe it or not, one mom at our school told me she did all the college applications for her son (although she claims she didn’t do the essays - not sure I believe that!). It’s hard to imagine this kid will do well in college, if he wasn’t motivated enough to even fill out the applications.</p>
<p>Well, I guess we all find our own comfort zone. Agree that I wouldn’t do the applications, but don’t agree that the child involved would necessarily fail in college.</p>
<p>Doing the applications is a big confront, especially with all the regular work going on.</p>
<p>I think writing the personal statement is very important for kids. I’m not sure that parents can’t fill in the busy work of the applicaition. I didn’t, but I don’t see what the big deal would be if I did.</p>
<p>My kids, particularly my son, weren’t as excited as I was to visit schools, but I think that was mostly anxiety about moving on. I find it perfectly understandable.</p>
<p>I not only provided the “scaffolding” for my own children, I did for some of their friends as well. I do think it’s a very arcane process to ask 17 year-olds to navigate on their own.</p>
<p>funny you should mention this. I happen to have a paper open on my browser right now that addresses this. I ran across it somewhere a few days ago - I think the NY Times and have been meaning to read it.</p>
<p>It was just published in the Journal of Economic Perspectives. Here’s the link.</p>
<p>I haven’t read the entire paper but I, too, have been under the assumption that most schools were a lot more selective now. According to this paper, it’s only the tippy-top schools.</p>
<p>“There are so many paths to the city of Oz, not just one. And then the wizard is fake anyway.”</p>
<p>Mythmom, yes, for a kid who wants to apply to schools (unlike my youngest) of course I think parents should be supportive in whatever way that fits the kid and the situation, barring excessive involvement for the parents’ own reasons, of course. It is tricky honoring autonomy while also supporting, and that is the real core of the problem: achieving that balance.</p>
<p>That may mean organizing things… or simply making tea and sitting in the same room. Even within my own family, it has varied tremendously with the kid.</p>
<p>Many here seem to be quite good at all this!</p>
<p>OP here to report that my son’s essays and short answers were written and all the applications and supplements have been submitted. His Common App essay is okay, not great, so I guess we’ll find out how much that essay matters after all (although we’ll never really know, will we?). He did much better on the supplement essays and short answers which were more concrete and focused.</p>
<p>I really appreciate all the support and suggestions that everyone posted in this thread. I’m breathing a sigh of relief and remain optimistic that come April he’ll have a few good choices. </p>
<p>^Yea! My son has also finally buckled down and finished his applications that are due tomorrow. Sometimes I wonder if the non-nonchalant attitude my son has displayed towards the application process is a way of not getting too invested in any one school (and therefore, disappointed). On the other hand, it’s a method that has gotten him good grades all along, so maybe he sees no need to change it at this point.</p>
<p>I think the essays matter a lot more at the highly selective schools than others. I suspect they also just want to make sure the kids can write a decent paragraph. A lot of schools don’t look at the ACT/SAT writing scores but they seem to want a writing sample, nonetheless. Happy New Years!</p>
<p>Congrats, OP and MomLive! Come join the 2010 parents thread tonight for our potluck celebration of the New Year and mostly gone applications! We’re having tamales.</p>