Will only go to college if he can play soccer

Athletic Recruits
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I will speak only to things I know happened. Our DD was on the swim team at our high school. We did have some state championship winners, but no one was Olympic champ material. There were at least five kids in each graduating class (while my kid was on the team) who wanted to swim in college. None were great academics, and none were star swimmers. ALL swam all four years in college…some as recruits, and some as walk ons. But they all swam. They found colleges where their academic profiles and their swim times would make them appealing to these colleges. My gut is these schools are out there for soccer too.

This family just needs to find them. At our school, the swim coaches knew schools in the area that would work.

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I suspect this is a little less complicated in time-based sports.

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Agreed that the player needs to drive the process and parents should not be visible unless/until there is an in-person meeting to which the parents are invited.

For example – in my kid’s D3 soccer recruiting process, my kid had emailed coaches in advance of 10th and 11th grade regular campus admissions visits, requesting a meeting during his visit. For some programs, that was the first time he met with the coach, for others, he’d already seen them in camps etc. There was typically at least a 30 min meeting with the coach with the parents in the room. The conversation was between the player and coach, but the coach often asked if we had questions or directed financial information to us. All follow up communications were between the player and coach.

I’ve commented on how hilariously awkward my kid’s initial conversations with coaches were as a 10th grader. But by summer and early fall of his senior year, he was handling difficult conversations with coaches easily. It was fun to see him mature through the process, but there was plenty of heartbreak and lessons learned to get him there. And of course, lots of heartbreak, frustration, and lessons learned while competing for four years.

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I don’t know what the rules are now (or if there are rules as recruiting has changed so much in the last 3 years), but the NCAA used to allow 3 tickets to a game if a recruit was attending an on campus visit because the NCAA expected parents to attend with the recruit. I assumed that parents weren’t just there to look at fields and classroom but to ask questions of tour guides, coaches, admissions, etc., and I did. For D1 football, this changed to the schools being able to pay for the weekend visit for the recruit and the parents (food, rooms, tickets to a game) because the parents wanted to be part of the process and many couldn’t afford to pay for the recruiting trips. Those that could afford to pay for multiple recruiting visits had an advantage over families who couldn’t pay, so the NCAA fixed this. Now you see pictures of big recruiting weekend buffets, events with the recruits and parents touring the facilities, touring campus. The family is being recruited, just like in The Blind Side.

Of course coaches are judging how the parents act too, and many want parents involved while others want them to sit quietly in the corner. I thought I was in the first group (involved) but discovered I wasn’t even close to how involved the other parents were as they called the coach constantly, sent emails daily, paid for meals and treats for the team, sent gifts for the coaches. Compared to them, I was sitting quietly in the corner. This coach ate that up and liked the constant attention.

As I said my daughter had most of the contacts with the coaches by text or email during the recruiting process, but if I was on campus I asked the questions I wanted to ask, just like I did with admissions. I did send a few emails to the coach toward the end of the recruiting process, before she signed the NIL and I remember sending a few to a coach before we went on a visit about timing and where to go (I found that coach to not be very helpful).

I think OP is hoping to offer a very smart kid to a coach and get that coach to motivate his son into getting better grades to get into a better college. As I said above, I think a coach - any coach - could have an influence on a high school kid and say “hey, with grades like these you can’t get into Yale, Harvard, Bates or ‘my school’; you’d need a 93 average”

At this point, I’d get some visits in and have a coach talk frankly with this student. It may motivate the student, it may point him to more appropriate teams/schools, it may discourage him from the recruiting process. I don’t think approaching any coach and saying “my son doesn’t care about college at all but really wants to play soccer so can you light a fire under him?” will work. An athlete has to make grades to play and no coach wants a player who is a lot of work to get to go to class, to study, to be a student.

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Interesting. I would think most coaches do not want the parents involved. I was chatting (just socially) with an Ivy men’s basketball assistant coach the other day and he said parents injecting themselves into the recruiting process or otherwise appearing to be too involved was a major red flag.

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Once my kid moved in for pre-season, I don’t think we spoke to the coach except for niceties like “good game coach” after a match. At the same time, the captains’ parents ran an unofficial parents group to coordinate post-game meals, organize gifts for seniors etc.

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from my experience, coaches will be able to support the application of 3-5 players out of an 8-12 player recruiting class. With coach support, a maybe kid would move up to the likely in the admissions processes but a solid no go won’t suddenly change to a a likely and coaches aren’t usually willing to risk a spot on a kid who can’t pass a pre read. In order to get coach support your son has to be at the top of the recruiting class for that school. You can only know that if he starts to reach out to coaches, send film, send his athletic resume, send his schedule and ask for a phone call. the responses from coaches will drive the process. He needs to cast a wide net - even going as far as emailing all d2 and d3 schools within the financial and location fit you are looking for. Also, if he isn’t playing at national showcases, he will need to go to school based ID camps because most schools will not offer without seeing him play in person

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Thanks—This is very helpful. We are definitely behind in the recruiting process. He is going to several ID camps this summer. Ironically, he misses a showcase tournament this weekend because his older brother is graduating from Northwestern.

Just so you know, we would more than likely look at schools that he is at least a match for or safeties. We are fortunately in a position to be fully paid. The goal for us is to get him motivated to go away to college. School almost comes too easy for him, and he has become an expert at doing the least work possible to keep an 85 average. He scored 1300 on his PSAT, which projects a fair SAT score even without any prep.

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But if he wants to play then really the first factor needs to be schools that want him on the team. So you need to reach out to a large group of schools at first, then once you see what coaches are actually interested then you can look at location, cost and academics. It doesn’t matter if it is an academic safety or that you can full pay tuition if the coach doesn’t have an interest in him. If soccer is a priority then that needs to be the first filter in determining a final list.

Is the ID camp at a school that is a realist fit, soccer wise? Is he playing in any other showcase or national events this summer? If not then if he is a rising senior you will need to really work the camp circuit because season will start in late July/early august for most schools and recruiting won’t pick up again until after season. If he is a rising junior then be sure national showcases are a priority for you and his team (or guest play if his team isn’t attending national events with historically good attendance from college coaches)

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Thanks—this is excellent advice. We are working on a list from the Massey Ratings. Our older son was a basketball player, not to the point where he looked at playing in college. I remember with AAU; there would be tournaments with well over 100 college coaches. Maybe we’re picking the wrong camps, but the ones he has gone to have about 15-20 coaches. It’s hard to cast a broad net.

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My daughter played ecnl so there were 100s of coaches at showcases and those were typically the first time they saw her play. We only did camps at schools hosted by the school itself and one she had been in contact with. You can start casting a wide net by having your son email and attach game highlight film to schools and in about two weeks all coaches can personally respond, so their responses will let you know what level he should be targeting. Because my daughter wasn’t a top recruit and was targeting a variety of schools, all out of state, she haas to cast a wide net and was, at one point, emailing with nearly 70 coaches. By late junior year it was parred down quite a bit and the summer before senior year down to about a dozen she visited and did pre reads with. But she communicated with lots of coaches - we found the low “rated” the player or the more selective the student (my daughter had a list of particular requirements) the bigger the net and more leg work they have to do

Additionally, please remember that being offered a roster spot is just the first step . There are many programs where handfuls of kids never see quality minute their entire college career, especially those programs with large rosters. Additionally it is not uncommon for a first year player to barely play (or not play at all) and in some cases not be allowed to dress or travel to games. What would be your son’s response of that we’re to happen to him? Would he continue to push and work hard or would he give up and be miserable

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Personally - I’m a value guy. I get kids have to do something - school, work, military etc.

Why it’s great you can pay full, I’d be hesitant about investing hundreds of thousands of dollars into a child who is not looking to utilize the resources to maximize their academic opportunity.

I’d be sending them to a community college or low cost regional public.

What happens if the student gets no playing time or is injured - so they not go to class ? In the off season do they stop going to class?

Priorities seem backward and it seems like throwing money in hopes something positive comes out of it.

People can spend as they like but if the student’s attitude is like OP describes, it’s just pandering to the kid and not teaching a good life lesson. Rather the student will think mommy and daddy will always bail me out.

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Sometimes with your kids, you gotta go outside the typical value ROI analysis. As a parent, you know your kid best and have the best insight into what might work in less than ideal situations.

People told me the very same thing you just said about my soccer player. I took a calculated chance and sent her to an expensive and highly selective LAC that she only got into because she was a top-priority recruit. At first, it seemed like a mistake. But in the end my hopes were realized.

If I had sent her to comm. college, it could well have broken her and sent a message that I didn’t have the confidence in her I had with her sisters (ps: I didn’t). For that kid, that message would have been fatal. But I knew she had the goods and my hope was that if I got her in the race she’d run. And she did. CC is a great option for many, but there was no reason for mine to go that route.

Sometimes you have to bet on your kid if you can afford to do so.

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You won’t really know until he gets to college, but I think you may be on the right track. My son was also a student who never put 100% effort into his school work through high school - good enough was good enough. He played a different sport in college, but he found that his college athletics helped him stay on track academically and develop better planning and organizational skills. There were two things going on. One was just the basic rigor of having to get to practice and training every day and organize schoolwork around that. The other was the clear message sent by the school. He went to a D3 school (Denison) that is well know for sports, with a very large percentage of students participating on varsity teams. But the emphasis was always on being a student athlete, with the student part coming first. Athletes who performed well academically were celebrated by their teams. So, as a parent, I think you should try to keep an eye out for this when looking at schools and talking to coaches. I am sure that many schools, maybe especially at the D3 level, have a similar approach, but every school has a different personality, as does every coach. Another thing that helped motivate our son was the merit scholarship he received from Denison. People on CC often talk about merit money as a simple discount off the sticker price, but my son took it seriously as an indication that the school valued him. He was especially impressed to learn that his scholarship was funded by alumni, and I think it helped set him off on the right foot. Something to think about even if you can handle full pay.

Editing to add one more thought: When my son was developing his list, he didn’t have much idea what he wanted to study, other than a general interest in psychology. Looking at his interest in sports, and a native ability to analyze problems and help his teammates perform better, I kept an eye out for schools with sports science tracks. There aren’t that many at the D3 level, but there are some, including Denison. He himself was not that interested initially, but he chose Denison for other reasons, and in the end, he did a double major in psychology and sports science and is now doing graduate work in sports psychology in the UK. Different kids need different levels of support and input from their parents, and you know your son best.

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You know…there are some kids for which sports are the carrot for doing well in school. If this is what it will take for your son to be a successful college student (he doesn’t need to have a 4.0 gpa in college to become successful), then that is worth consideration.

I hope he finds a college where he can continue his sport. But I do think he needs a plan B in case that doesn’t happen.

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For now, plan B is to keep soccer as the motivation to want to and need to keep his grades at least a decent level. We require him to keep a B average to play school and club soccer. Plus, he realizes that he has to keep a minimum GPA if he wants a chance to play in college. His PSAT score of 1300 projects a pretty good SAT, which overall puts him in a position to have a fair number of schools for which he is competitive.

The plan is to start working on a list of schools that give him the most realistic chance of playing soccer and being qualified academically. This will more than likely be a smaller school, probably an LAC. The location will be Northeast, Mid-Atlantic, or maybe the Midwest.

Thanks to some great input we received on this thread on how to assess the strength of soccer at colleges, we already have the resources to examine academic qualifications. We are in an excellent position to develop a well-curated list.

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Do you know any soccer players at a school you are targeting for him? If so, he could go to a visit on a weekend (unofficial, just hanging out with a friend). Colleges are exciting places for high school kids and that could be more motivation for him to want to go to that school or another like it.

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