The question is - do you think you married up or down? I think hubby and I are equal in intelligence and attractiveness. We work together in different roles. I often say together we make one all around good person.
It’s always interesting outside the sugar daddy thing when you see one spouse who is way more attractive than the other. You don’t often see a very attractive person with a very unattractive person.
I’d have a harder time with someone with a far different intelligence level than me - in either direction.
Lots of women marry men with less education than they have, especially in my generation, when you could still find a well paying job with only a high school diploma & a strong back. However, many blue collar careers require more I ntelligence than they often get credit for, especially on CC, not just muscles.
Dstark, we don’t know what those posters sig others are like, or even if they have one. They might make Fred Flintstone look like Spock!
My parents had more education than Hs parents, and my ancestors emigrated in the 1500-1600’s. ( not that it necessarily means much, although they did have the means to move) His ancestors emigrated in the 1900’s. Our education was about equal though. He had a high school diploma, I did not, but I had my GED certificate.
We have different kinds of intelligence. He has much better short term memory, I can’t remember what I had for breakfast, but I am a wiz with random useless bits of information.
One thought: Just given the college completion rates the past several years, if marrying someone with less education than you is “marrying down”, then women are now and are going to continue to be marrying down a lot more than men are.
Yea, my mom born in 1911 warned us that men did NOT like smart women. Nonetheless, neither I nor my sisters had trouble dating and marrying the men we were most interested in. I have a professional degree and at the time we married I was making more than H (who has a bachelor’s degree), but he is VERY intelligent–in his field and also tons of trivia. I guess technically, I married “down,” but it never felt that way.
One of my relatives married someone who had the same law degree she did but she’s clearly the breadwinner in that household. They are very happy together, which seems to be all that matters.
The level of education doesn’t equate intelligence. Many attend grad school (professional schools excepted) simply because they can’t find a decent job with their Bachelors degree. When my H was in college, many went on to grad school to get their deferment from the draft.
I don’t agree that marrying someone with less education is marrying down, provided that both spouses have at least a college education in today’s environment.
I’m not so sure I’d elevate attending professional schools on the implication students attending them aren’t doing because they can’t find a decent job with their bachelors.
When my uncle attended what is now a T-6 midwestern law school in the '70, he recounted most of his law classmates were there because they weren’t able to find suitable jobs with their Bachelors, weren’t sure what careers they wanted and law was a good default option for good students, and/or they found doing a PhD wasn’t for and law school was a good fallback.
Law school continued to be a default option for many undergrads who fell into the first two categories when I was in college. Hey, I was almost one of them until I worked in a biglaw IT department and saw the long hours and tedious high stress work, and dealing with tempermentality of partners and clients most attorneys…especially associates must perform for 12+ hours/day.
Also, many classmates from my STEM centered public magnet ended up doing pre-med and going to med school because that was THEIR default option in absence of knowing what they wanted to do careerwise or finding a decent job with a STEM BS(biology). Same with some classmates including one whom I dated for a bit who ended up going to Pharmacy school*.
The tragedy for them was they were such strong STEM students that they didn’t realize the career paths weren’t suited to their true aspirations AFTER they graduated and started their careers as doctors or pharmacists and feel trapped due to financial and other considerations.
Listening to her complain endlessly about how she felt trapped in a career as a Pharmacist got old pretty fast and without any attempts to resolve the issue on her part was one reason why the relationship didn't last.
Yes, we had a conversation with one of the other kids at S’s graduation. The guy sounded somewehat bitter, saying he decided to stay an extra year to get his masters in engineering, hoping it would help him in his job search but he’s just got more debt and credentials and still no job. We were glad S had a job, with his BEE and agreed with his logic to accept the job he was offered instead of sticking around another year for a masters. We still are encouraging him to consider getting a masters degree or some additional education, but aren’t sure whether he ever will.
H was supervising engineers, even tho he had a lowly bachelor’s in accounting. Everyone pegged him as an engineer & he got a ton of on-the-job training & was sent to many, many conferences, where he took copious notes and asked the speakers a lot of questions. He loved his job and did a tremendous service to our federal government by doing the work of at least half a dozen people!
In my father’s extended family, most of the daughters-in-law “married up” into a wealthy family. When the family’s fortunes fell drastically, the DiLs who thought they had married into lives of wealth and luxury were rudely awakened. While the formerly well-to-do sons were knocked down, the women who “married up” the most in income were the most industrious and ended up carrying their family own units forward more successfully. It has been interesting to watch from a generation away.
@cobrat, I, as a parent, did not know my child’s aspiration in college. He might know but I did not. Hopefully, he would not end up being one of those people you just described.
This could be one of the reasons why it is still our wish that his indebtness due to his student loans will not be too overwhelming. The last thing we want to see is that he will have to work 12 hours a day (and constantly under a very high pressure) for the rest of his life. We are full aware that when a person has a high income from his work, it is mostly due to very long working hours (and likely having undergone many years of training before that) and having a lot of responsibilities/pressure.
I remember that when DS was in high school, one of his favorite teachers was his social science teacher (US History or some related subject.) I think both he and his wife were teachers. Somehow DS said they seem to have a very good, low stress life, with two modest incomes. Toward the end of his college years, he mentioned at one time that becoming a government employee working for CDC could be a good job. (But he did not explore it further though. Just talks, no actions.)
Well, Mcat, physicians working for the CDC can make about $250K depending on the locality (and the specific position), so it is a little inconsistent with the other thread to try and claim that as modest income.
It can be a problem going for extra education, especially if you have not been able to find work with a BA. A graduate degree, may be exceeding the level of education required for the job, and the employer may figure that you are too expensive to take on, even if you are desperate because you now have additional loans.
A mate’s intelligence is quality that is fixed (barring injury/ illness). Other qualities (e.g., educational attainment, income, looks, six-pack abs) can be augmented.
Back when I was single, I was a big Scrabble enthusiast. Dates who couldn’t muster a decent performance arranging little wooden tiles didn’t garner respect.
One particular person on a first date, tied me in Scrabble 2-2 and also happened to be good looking, a wicked razor-sharp wit, and (as I learned later) a terrific cook. Just celebrated our 20 year anniversary.
One more skill a dude could improve upon in order to increase his value in the dating market. It seems to be more attainable than Scrabble skills, good looking, and a wicked razor-sharp wit.
Just received a call from DS this evening, and heard he had been cooking in the kitchen for the past few hours. He had his priority right on the saturday night. Also heard he recently helped take care of kindergarten-age nephew/niece of his GF in a couple evenings. He told us he did not know it would take so much efforts to take care of kids of that age. The young boys/girls, once they know him well, would demand his full attentions for many many hours. His first experience of “babysitting” I guess. This could be a “stress-test” in disguise from his GF.
No, I’m joking. But both partners should avoid being the one who does everything at first, to impress the other, or may get stuck with an excessive share of chores. Personally, I like cooking.
I adore cooking and have done a full 99.999 in our family. Little did I know how much I would have enjoyed only cooking 95.000. H has more education but the cooking should have weighed in far more…
I’m marrying down in terms of intelligence and he’s marrying down in terms of looks.
I want someone smart, but not as smart as me. I want to go home to a non-academic. I want someone who keeps me grounded and makes sure I don’t take life too seriously.
On the other hand, he wanted a “husband” (ie breadwinner who would let him stay home and take care of the kiddos).
They might make Fred Flintstone look like Spock!