I think this gets to the heart of the matter. Many of the posts by individuals I assume to be male have talked about murders and deaths. And I think that many of the posters I assume to be female think about rape, and that the stories of lone women who were killed by random men were probably sexually assaulted prior to being killed. Although men can also be raped, the odds of it happening to them are far lower than it is for women.
The number of reactions affirming people’s experience of this happening is just so sad to me. And just as a PSA, please make sure that your families are talking with your kids/grandkids about this early on. Not once they’re teenagers, or in middle school, but early on. Talk to everyone about being aware of their surroundings and how to get out of a troubling situation, but also about what to do as a bystander. It can really make our society so much better for ALL of us.
There was one instance where I did get in trouble and luckily a rancher drove by and I flagged him down.
I was driving off road across a big meadow to get to the main road and a stray length of barbed wire got wrapped tightly around my axle. I spent some time trying to figure out the problem, and decided I was in for a long walk back or a long wait for someone to come looking for me (no cell phones back then, and my supervisors didn’t even provide us with radios!). Then I saw a cloud of dust of an approaching vehicle and flagged the guy down and he was able to help me. In that case the thought of a major inconvenience outweighed my reservations about flagging down strangers.
In the other case, I didn’t feel safer knowing those two men were out in the woods with me. I’d rather either be with coworkers who I trusted or alone.
I was catcalled while running on a sidewalk along a fairly busy road. The truck also slowed down. It would have creeped me out except several members of my running club (male and female ) were within shouting distance.
Sadly, my “ick” experiences started in elementary, too.
Experience 1: At an amusement park waiting for some older family members who went on a ride I was scared of. Physical groping of areas that are covered by undergarments. I didn’t know what to say to the person, but I was able to get away because there were crowds all around and the guy didn’t follow me. Age 10.
Experience 2: At school…again, physical groping of areas covered by undergarments. I at least felt comfortable enough to say, “Stop it,” but it wasn’t enough for the “cool kid” to stop. There were bystanders around who saw but said nothing. But because there were others around and we were just outside the classroom, things weren’t able to progress much further. Ages 10-11.
Thankfully, these “ick” incidents were in areas with others around (even though some were elementary school bystanders who didn’t know what to do). But if I’d been in a deserted area where nobody could hear me calling, I shudder to think of where things may have led. Hence, it’s a reason why there are a lot of women saying “bear” in this topic. And if physical safety had been a topic brought up to me growing up, I would have known that I should have mentioned the situation to adults, but I had no clue what to do except to try to get away.
I learned a lot when my daughter dated a Black man in college. I really think if someone were to ask him if he’d rather meet a bear or a law enforcement officer in the woods, he would say a bear. And who am I to say, “What, you don’t trust any police officers?”
You do realize that of course men are also far more likely to be endangered by other men, or by women, than by bears? Men should, and likely would, answer the question the same way based on statistics. So the question reflects that humans are more dangerous to others than bears are to humans.This is news?
My brother is a hard core birder, traveling all over the country to get in on bird sightings. One of his birding friends (brother was not with him at the time) was mauled by a grizzly. It was awful - my brother let me read the texts from his friend about the attack and the aftermath. His friend took precautions, but the attack happened anyway. I would not want to meet a grizzly in the wild! I asked my brother if that gave him pause, and his outlook is that he’d rather die doing what he loves than get old worrying about what could happen.
But bear vs man? Both could be frightening. I once heard a comedienne say that yes, she worries sometimes … because she can’t leave her (you know) at home. Being female is sometimes a vulnerable thing.
No. This is not about how “humans” are more dangerous to others than bears are to humans. It’s about the particular dangers that men pose to women. If you ask men if they would rather meet a woman in the woods or a bear, they will say a woman.
I encountered a bear at a campground. It was not a problem for me. The bear ran away from the site when we all started unzipping our tents to see what the ruckus was. It was afraid of US. Women are afraid of men, for good reason.
For the few people wondering why women would choose the bear… Some women here have stated their unpleasant encounters. I have too many to count. I am fortunate that nothing worse happened.
Here are the tame ones.
Being flashed: 5, yes 5 times, over the course of 35 years of my life, all at different times and different places. One of those occasions was when I was walking with my then-toddler and baby in a park at about 2 in the afternoon. Scary as heck, so I’ll take the bear any day. Another time was at about 5 a.m., walking home from a very late night on the town. No one else was around. Also scary. All the others were during normal hours with people around, so not scary, but weird and unnerving.
Sexual harassment at work: Numerous times. The worst punishment was the graveyard shift for a month.
Groping: Many.
Catcalling: Almost infinite.
Call me old-fashioned, but it is very difficult to get past the idea that there are some men who will always present a threat to women. No, I don’t want to meet any man alone in the woods and I never go walking in the woods on my own, even though I would love to. Those other experiences were scarring.
I would never hike alone in the woods, so a bear would scare me/us much more than a man. I assume same would be true when alone without hubby but can’t say for sure.
I do run around the local 3 mile lake trail by myself. Almost always there are many walkers and cyclists in sight…. in the remote areas, no trees/hiding . Once in a great while I am near a lone walker, and admittedly the males do cause me slight angst. But a bear in town of its habitat (happens sometimes) would scare the crap out of me. A baby bear would make me especially leery because protective mama may be lurking. (It’s a good thing that last summer I did not realize the “bird” everybody was looking at in a tree was a bear cub. Learned about it back home on facebook). I try to avoid sunrise and sunset due to teeny possibility of mountain lions.
so many men have ZERO CLUE how threatened they can make a woman feel–walking too close, or quieting walking up on us on the street out the blue, staring at us too long. Whether any of these men who do this stuff are truly dangerous isn’t the point, men have proven themselves to be dangerous to us in the past and we know they can most times physically over power us. It’s just not cool. It’s not hard to give some space.
So happy I’m married to a man who, if he’s walking on the same side of the street as a woman and no one else is around and he knows he’s approaching her, he’ll cross the street to put her at ease. Ditto taking off his sunglasses so she can see his eyes.
Best friend bear?!? A bear walked in front of our patio window when vacationing on Vermont. For some reason my family would not let me go outside to take a photo.
I was going to say that I would never hike alone but I totally have when Mr Groundhog and D wanted to hike further than I did.
I definitely have a healthy fear of men but seem to be missing my fear of bears. lol
Agreed. I’m conscious of how my presence as a (relatively tall) man could make women a little uncomfortable, particularly in closed spaces like cars and elevators. If I end up in an elevator with a random woman, I stay as far away as reasonably possible, turn slightly away while looking at my phone, and generally try to give the vibe of keeping to myself.