I’m going to open up another window of thought a few inches…I’ve thought of this as I’ve read this thread…and it could possible be a thread of it’s own (but it kind of depresses me so I don’t want to go there!)
I’m 64 and H is 68. We are both in good health and I at least take pretty good care of myself eating well and exercising daily.
See if any of you relate to this: for many of us there comes a time - really sometimes, a moment - where you realize because of either your own situation or the situations of those around you - that YIKES, regardless of how you feel/look, you are getting older, 60’s is not young even if you still feel like you did in your 30’s…and that time is flying by and can change on a dime. And has for many people you know. Lucky you if you arrive at 60+ and don’t know others who have had this happen.
It’s scary, it’s a bit depressing, it’s…factual. It sucks!
If you haven’t had this moment - this time when a light bulb goes off in not a positive way…maybe you can’t see really see the other point of view (one level living). Or can’t believe it does or could apply to you.
I am VERY glass half full - to a fault perhaps! I’ll fight it but “the moment” - that realization that 60’s and up comes with a lot of uncertainty…it’s real.
Anyone in this circle with me? I think it can contribute to your answer on this thread.
I’m with you. As I’ve posted- parent with early onset Alzheimer’s. Managed to continue working until it was no longer possible. But it was not the “travel the world and learn photography” retirement you read about in glossy magazines.
The problem many of us have experienced with our own parents is them being in denial about their needs (based upon deteriorating health). This is evident over and over again in the caring for parents thread. I think if we are realistic about ourselves, we can make the right decisions at the right time. If we are currently healthy at 60 and the house is what suits us and we understand that it is not a forever home, then why not buy it and enjoy it.
My mother in law at some point, stopped going upstairs to her bedroom. She lived on the first floor - sleeping on the couch and with only a half bath. The issue was that she didn’t tell her family members that this was happening. We would have stepped in and sold her house sooner if we knew.
Similar with my family. My mother could no longer manage the house she was in. But swore up and down she wanted to die in it (which she did). My father was more realistic and moved out shortly after her death to a manageable place (assisted living).
The problem is not that we decline in health, or that we don’t think we will decline in health. The problem is recognizing the decline when it happens and doing something then!
I was at a birthday party yesterday. The grandmother of the one year old is about the same age as me—mid-60s. She’s a practicing dentist and just recovered from hand surgery after 6-12 months. Now she’s seriously contemplating a hip replacement! Yikes!
She said she’s been having awful pain in her hip for about a week now. She looks fairly fit and it reminds me that none of us have any idea how our futures will unfold! She has 6 kids, the youngest of which is in her early/mid 20s and may go to grad/dental school.
A few of my book club members have installed capsule elevators, a kind of vacuum elevators. They don’t require much room, remind me of the cartoon The Jetsons. https://www.celciussystems.com/capsule-lift.html
I am almost 73. If I break a hip, I will go to rehab and then respite care while we figure things out. I have 7 spinal fractures and that was a wake up call. One kid wants to live with me when I am very old, but I don’t want her to have that burden.
Does anyone else rent? Many buildings have elevators. Anyone else divorced or single or widowed? Once retired, a mortgage becomes impossible so substantial wealth is needed to buy, unless you already own a house and can use the proceeds from selling that.
Unfortunately, I think that universal design has gotten a bad wrap. Instead of people thinking that it is UNIVERSAL design (i.e. for everybody) they really think it’s design for the infirm and decrepit. But it’s for young kids who are becoming mobile or who are at an age where they can independently start getting and making their own snacks, if only they can reach the microwave or similar device. It’s for the parents who are trying to herd kids out of the house while maneuvering a baby in a stroller. And as others have mentioned in this thread, it’s for those occasions when you’re lugging heavy stuff around, or moving in/out, or your beloved pet has decreasing mobility, much less if anyone is (temporarily or permanently) on crutches, walkers, wheelchairs, etc.
I often look up to my grandparents as role models. My grandfather would swim at least 3x a week and go on long walks, up to an including to his 90th birthday. But then he no longer could. My grandmother played tennis multiple times a week up into her early 80s until, again, she no longer could. Exercise can prolong the quality of life for people, but it will not stave off issues forever.
About 20 years ago they moved from a multi-level home to a condo on one level. Because she lives in a one-story condo in a building that has an elevator, my grandmother has been able to continue to live there alone, whereas if there were any steps, she would have likely needed to move into a senior facility. And she is able to come for our weekly family meals on Sundays at my mother’s house because there is only a half step to get to the front porch and then another half step to get into the house. But she can no longer visit at my house because we’ve got about a dozen steps to get to our front porch. So in thinking about what will happen in the future with my own mother, I know that having a place that would be accessible for older relatives is important for their own mental health (i.e. being able to get out of their home and visiting others…as that’s very important for my grandmother).
All that to say, we definitely plan on having an accessible home when we end up moving (many years from now).
My in-laws had a house 66 steps from the street to the front door. It was definitely a challenge visiting them, especially with an infant and toddler. When my MIL was discharged from the hospital, they briefly lived in the apartment building we lived in and we were able to visit daily, which made us all very happy.
One of my dad’s buddies sold his home and is renting. He seems content enough. We are probably selling H’s family home in the near future and will look to buy something with no stairs as an investment property. It is much easier to visit if accessibility isn’t a big barrier.
One of my sisters and I and my late brother are the three of the seven of us that have pretty accessible one story homes. My other four sibs have stairs in their homes, as does one niece (the other has pretty accessible one story home).
When we built our home over 20 years we tried to figure out how to put in an elevator but our architect said to wait until we actually (if ever) needed one. I’m glad we did–the options just keep getting better.
We have decided this townhouse works for us for now. We have discussed the good, the bad, and the ugly possibilities and are going to assume the risks. Because we have done a major downsize already, we are fairly nimble. We do not view this as a, “forever,” place and feel with the location and price point we are making a good decision for us.
I feel like I opened a big ol’ can of worms of sadness with this thread (which lead to the other one on aging and mobility). However, I think so many of the discussions on this board are helpful for many (whether kinda sad/depressing or not).
Hope your offer gets accepted! Thank you for starting this post bc it has given me a lot of food for thought as we plan our future. It’s esp pertinent to me now because I recently had an achilles heel rupture (and surgery) while I was having fun exercising (pickleball!) and live in a 2 story home with a full basement. Because I am still youngish (50s) and fit (regular strength and cardio exercises and a bit strict diet), the lack of mobility due to the injury is hard but manageable. I can scoot up and down the stairs on my bottom easily and have adopted various strategies for mobility ease. I know I can do this now because I am flexible in managing the recovery and do not have dementia or Alzheimer’s like my dad.
We don’t have plans to move just yet. The house fits our needs for now for many reasons. However, we know in a decade or so, we will need to move eventually into a single floor living or at least a house with much lower property taxes.
We built a new home 22 years ago and did put in an elevator. It was probably the best thing we did. It works well. The biggest problem is that there are fewer and fewer companies that want to deal with residential elevators. We found one company with a technician who lives 15 miles from our town and we’re on his way to work. If we have a problem, we call and ask for that technician. He’s usually here the same day–on his way home from work or the next morning on his way to work.
We have a 1960s four-level split. It’s the only house we’ve owned, no bedroom/bath on main floor. Seven steps between each level – so it’s not a long, steep flight, but steps are required to go anywhere in this house. H feels like we could add a stair lift from main level to bathroom and bedrooms if we needed it. Easy for him to say.
For me, a single-level place is a matter of risk assessment. What keeps me as safe as possible? Twenty two years of chemo for leukemia does a number on one’s bones. (Has also done a number on my heart.) I’ve had two big falls with injuries in the past eight months, one in the carport, one in a flower bed. My meds affect my balance. No changing those drugs.
Had a knee replacement two years ago. Slept in a recliner in the living room for the first six weeks because my leg wouldn’t straighten enough to sleep in a bed. Toilet seat in the living room. Seven steps downstairs to the half bath with a small step into the shower. It was horrible. My motivation to do stairs every day was to get to a real toilet and to my sewing room. I also have spinal stenosis and another knee that the ortho thinks we should replace. Have had two spinal fractures and a few bulging discs. Am avoiding surgery for now.
My mom had a catastrophic femur fracture at age 64 that never healed, and spent the last ten years of her life completely bedridden. She was set up in the living room and needed help to use a bedpan. Sponge baths only. Zero privacy. I have a visceral terror of living that way. OTOH, my dad is 87 and still goes to the pool three times a week for water aerobics. Lives alone in a split level house. Uses a walker for stability because of foot neuropathy, but gets around quite well.
If I were solo, and S2 and DIL decided to move back here, I’d build a MIL attachment off our dining room on the main floor with a huge bedroom/living area and accessible bathroom.
There are a few two level ranches in our neighborhood (ground level and walk-out lower level) and I would also consider buying one of those because it looks like we aren’t going to move out of the area. Our new neighbors just bought one and made it fully accessible for aging in place. It’s gorgeous. They probably overimproved for the neighborhood, but it’s gorgeous and really functional. Single levels are hard to find here because of the high costs of land.
