Would you date someone who is not as smart as you?

Pre-College Topics High School Life
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<p>Of course I care most about analytical intelligence. In terms of social and emotional intelligence, I’m obviously far less intelligent than most.</p>

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<li>restrained by poor personal choices</li>
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<p>==
Obviously, it isn’t disputable who has the higher scores, GPA, and # of academic awards. But from previous conversations with you, it seemed as if you didn’t consider those as necessarily instrumental to intelligence (after all, you said that you would offer “moderate intelligence” and yet you won Lingle) and then in a reply to my e-mail, you said “goes without saying” to my question of “am I intelligent?”</p>

<p>==
And perhaps this question could be extended to emotional intelligence as well (but that’s generally not taken as a connotative meaning of intelligence).</p>

<p>==
Finally, in the context of this thread at least, I think it was clear which of us produced the longer messages and more insights (about social matters, at least) [and which one of us appeared more intellectual - at least from the perspective of an outsider reading our convos]. Make no mistake, I do think you’re smarter than me - although I can’t be certain. That alone wasn’t necessarily an issue, since we never talked about math with each other (after all, most relationships depend on VERBAL intelligence - which neither of us can be really sure as to which one of us is really better). But at least in terms of verbal intelligence, I at least do seem to exhibit higher apparent intelligence <a href=“whereas%20you%20usually%20seem%20to%20hide%20it”>yes, I know, this is because I can waste more time than you can</a>.</p>

<p>==
Anyways, I’ll put it at precisely this:</p>

<p>“intelligence only matters once you are able to sense the limits of the other’s intelligence - in that the other’s limited intelligence has restrained one’s ability to communicate with that person in some way, such that you have to intentionally SIMPLIFY what you’re saying in order to communicate with the other person.”</p>

<p>(I actually did that with you in some cases, but it’s more related to the fact that my thoughts aren’t completely coherent and consistent at the time I write them - rather than any perceptions on your level of intelligence). </p>

<p>Do you think this applies to me? (the cases where we haven’t agreed with each other are merely cases when we approach conclusions via different perspectives - after all - I do tend to think of myself as different - but in a way, narrowing one’s course of options is an asset when one has already pursued those options and failed).</p>

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<p>Do you think this applies to me? (the cases where we haven’t agreed with each other are merely cases when we approach conclusions via different perspectives - after all - I do tend to think of myself as different - but in a way, narrowing one’s course of options is an asset when one has already pursued those options and failed).</p>

<p>=> and where further pursuance of such options entails high perceived opportunity cost, in such a way that the observer can only trust his own perceived opportunity cost</p>

<p>===
And really, the reason you dated me in the first place was that I appeared to be intelligent (certainly intelligent enough to impress you to the point that I don’t think you would have made the comment in this thread), after all
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<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=389080[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=389080&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Sure. Intelligence level doesn’t define dateable to me.</p>

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<p>I’ll hook up with someone as long as they’re good looking. But if they’re not on the same intelligence level as me (I’m talking DUMB, and yes I have known a few good looking girls who fit this) then I can’t stand to be around them for longer than 24 hours at a time.</p>

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<p>I don’t care, as long as their cute and funny, vibrant personality.</p>

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<p>I ONLY date people who aren’t as smart as I am- boosts my ego.</p>

<p>No, but seriously…I’ve never dated anyone as smart as I am. However, that might change soon, seeing as I have a huge crush on this cute half-Asian guy.</p>

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<p>There are different ways to define “smart”. We have gets-good-grades smart, literary intelligence, intelligence and passion for a specific topic (or even a more general type of thing), and even within those we have catergories.</p>

<p>Gets-good-grades smart? Yeah, sure. I don’t really think that grades are a great sign of a person’s intelligence. In fact, everyone I’ve dated has had a lower GPA, etc, than I have. I don’t think that that makes me any smarter than they are, it just makes me more organized, more academically focused, and better able to communicate with teachers.</p>

<p>I, and I think most people will agree with this, find that if a person is passionate about certain fields and can demonstrate knowledge and that passion, that’s incredibly attractive. Passion can be the catalyst that leads to knowledge, and that knowledge can, by some, be the definition of intelligence.</p>

<p>Short answer: Yeah, I guess, though I wouldn’t like to if the difference is too large.</p>

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<p>Anyways, within the confines of this thread, even if you think differently of me now than you did in the past - it still remains that you did think highly of my intelligence at the time that we dated (in which case, it does not necessarily follow that “lower intelligence” seemed to come up in your mind in the same way that it seems to come up in the mind of other girls who date).</p>

<p>Of course, for some girls who are more intelligent than virtually everyone in their vicinity, their dating pool is almost entirely limited to people not as intelligent as they are (or in those cases, it could just be that one person had lower intelligence than the other, even if both were fully intelligent enough to appreciate intelligent discussion - which is usually the case for people above a certain intelligence threshold).</p>

<p>Though I still think that there was a something beyond the “(/me enjoys bumping two-year-old threads!)” that motivated the bumping…</p>

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<p>Why would you care how smart your gf was? I’d wouldnt care (as long as she isnt a ‘total’ moron) because I’d base it more on her personality and such.</p>

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<p>I doubt most “other girls who date” care too much whether the people they date have lower intelligence than they do. At least not outside of CC. You’ll notice people tend to emphasize personality and sense of humor far more than intelligence.</p>

<p>I certainly didn’t date you because you were smart. Moderate intelligence was a necessary, but not sufficient, condition (and one that almost everyone I talk to satisfies). There was “Alex the human being” and “Alex the thinker” – and I was much more attracted to the human being, to your emotional side, to who you were as a person.</p>

<p>(And I probably have only fallen for intellectuals in the past because those were typically the only people I’ve noticed. But that’s changing.)</p>

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<p>You were wrong. I was bored. :slight_smile:
But your suspicions were reasonable.</p>

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<p>okay okay okay.</p>

<p>I think I’m going to cry in a corner now for what I said.</p>

<p>but what you said is true, as I’m certainly more emotional than most boys my age are [of course, there are other parts of it as well]… (probably a side effect of my rejection of gender and age stereotypes - funny thing was that I always talked to adults instead of children when I was younger). and i actually sometimes use those emotions to motivate some of what I write (even if the initial writing is convoluted and inaccurate). at least part of what i wrote above was insightful in a way (at least according to my judgment)</p>

<p>but yeah, intelligence isn’t my only redeeming quality (actually once everyone is intelligent, other qualities start showing up - and my descent into intellectualism was not a product of intelligence (besides it being above a certain threshold that doesn’t matter once everyone is above that threshold), but rather a product of other qualities).</p>

<p><em>hm, I just checked out baumeister’s “Breaking Hearts” today</em>…</p>

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<p>it could also have been a psychological experiment (which can be a response to boredom - after all - i am known for overreacting). actually, betraying that fact would hurt future psychological experiments ;)</p>

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<p>Wait, IK’s name is Alex? Wow, I never imagined you as an Alex…</p>

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<p>Intelligence doesn’t count as a redeeming quality :slight_smile:
At least once you have enough of it.</p>

<p>At Caltech I’ve met many smart people who are arrogant, stuck-up jerks.
And by the same token, my best friend is probably in the bottom 25% of the class.</p>

<p>I feel bad quoting Harry Potter here:
“It is our choices that define who we are, far more than our abilities.” – the (gay) Dumbledore</p>

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<p>Bottom 25% of the class at Caltech isn’t too bad.</p>

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<p>okay. would you count me as an arrogant stuck-up jerk? :p</p>

<p>and you still see redeeming qualities in me, right? :slight_smile: (does this count for CT too?)</p>

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<p>Actually, if you’re John Nash, it does. ^_^</p>

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<p>“I just don’t find people who are not as smart as me attractive.” </p>

<p>I agree with the above statement.</p>

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<p>NO…it would be impossible to find someone as intelligent as me that is good looking.</p>

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<p>Heh, well, girls as intelligent as CCers probably do care (it’s just that their peers are mostly grade school students - and most grade school students have so little intelligence it’s obvious). Most of us wouldn’t imagine dating most of our other grade school classmates and the reason is obvious - intelligence. (maybe 1 standard deviation above average would count for most of us, 2 standard deviations above average for some of the others).</p>

<p>that being said though, tests are prone to misinterpretations. Just because one scores at 99th percentile does not mean that one is at the 99th percentile. People’s test scores obviously vary and more than 1 percent of people are going to get the 99th percentile on one test or another (the question is just how many are?). A lot of gifted programs base their selection criteria on whether you meet some (percentile figure between 90 and 99.5) and let’s be honest - a lot of the kids in those gifted programs really aren’t that smart at all. It wouldn’t be inaccurate to say that most CCers have been in gifted programs. there are a few kids who don’t qualify for gifted programs and are still capable of beating some of the students in them (or all of them - take my case!) - but the number of such kids is usually only a fraction of the total number of students in the gifted program (this comes from my experience with a few individuals in my middle school who didn’t get in its “gifted” program - one got into uchicago, one got into rice [I thought highly of their intelligence until i came to CC] - then a couple of others, then obviously me, which amounts for ~5 - then there probably are a few others - maybe I’m underestimating though, as I’m just counting those who clearly made their mark in the high school IB program - yeah, the number might be quite a bit larger). So maybe there are people below the 90th percentile in those gifted programs (i wouldn’t be that surprised)</p>

<p>only TWO out of the middle school made national merit though (one of them who came to the middle school 9th grade). [i probably would have made it too since i missed cutoff by 1 question 10th grade but i left two years early]. and like 10 of them did CTY talent search… (if you qualify for CTY summer progs, CTY says it’s 99.5th percentile) - though the PSAT 99.5th percentile is actually higher since not everyone takes the PSAT</p>

<p>… crap, i think i just revealed my oldness here… >.<</p>

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<p>come to think of it though, i tend to think college admissions as more fair than stupid gifted program iq tests :p</p>

<p>but i think highly of neither. (actually like charles murray i think highest of subject based tests like SAT IIs and APs)</p>

<p>===
anyways though, BEFORE I came to CC, i would have thought of a fair number of the girls in my school as intelligent enough to be dateable</p>

<p>AFTER i came to CC, I would have thought none of them as intelligent enough to be dateable (I thrive most on intellectual discussions, so my thresholds are quite high)</p>

<p>I MIGHT date someone less intelligent than I am, but I haven’t seen anyone less intelligent than I am who is intellectual enough for me to be comfortable (most people more intelligent than I am are less intellectual than I am - maybe a few less intelligent than I am might be intellectual enough for me). But it’s really impossible to rate the intelligence of most of the people I talk to nowadays (and it’s impossible to compare for the most part) - most people get better grades and test scores (on IQ-similar tests; achievement tests are different), whereas I’m more intellectual.</p>

<p>But I’m also willing to date a robot, so it’s hard to say (after all, I haven’t seen the full spectrum of possibilities)</p>

<p>==
in short, i’m extremely intellectual for a person with my grades/test scores/testable indicators of intelligence. count in self-studied APs though, then it might change. But I don’t know about the records of most public intellectuals (who really only form an extremely small percentage of the population)</p>

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<p>Consider the fact that I still talk to you, and I don’t talk to CT.
Like I said, you are worth exactly as much of my time as I give to you.</p>

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<p>Are you saying that you’d have to be stupid not to care about intelligence? :p</p>

<p>By the way, look at some of the posts on this thread – I’d say it’s pretty evenly split. And of course, CC isn’t a forum where intelligent people go so much as it’s a forum where ambitious people go.</p>

<p>[gifted programs/test scores]</p>

<p>Reveal very little about the true nature of a person. It’s not really important whether you’re 90th percentile or 99th percentile or whatever. You just have to be able to carry on a functional conversation. A girlfriend isn’t something you take a test and “qualify” for.</p>

<p>And even if it did matter – it doesn’t matter how smart a test thinks you are. It’s how smart the girl thinks you are that matters in a relationship.</p>

<p>Therefore, what you have said is interesting, but irrelevant. (This seems to happen often in our conversations.)</p>

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<p>18 is not old. You are still younger than NetHack is.</p>