I have a 2024 college grad, and one who will graduate in December 2025. Here are my thoughts in a few different categories:
College Application Process: I’m glad that I was a fairly involved parent in the process, and I wouldn’t have changed that. I see so many parents pushing all of the responsibility onto their child or onto their child and a private consultant. This is an important process and decision, and these kids are 16/17/18. Parents still need to parent. What that might mean will be different for each kid, but for most it’s not a great time for parents to check out.
For my older daughter, I would have encouraged her apply to more reach schools. As an informed follower of college admissions trends, I may have been too measured in where I thought she would get accepted. I thought she was average excellent, but I think some schools might have felt that she was excellent. She received national recognition during high school for some of her activities, and I didn’t appreciate until her senior year how significant those might have been. It’s ok, though – she ended up at a top 25 school and loved her experience. So it’s not a regret at all, rather something I might have done differently – but that would have been more for me than for her. She wouldn’t have changed it!
I wouldn’t have changed anything for my younger daughter. She applied to 6 schools that ranged from likelies to low reaches for her. She was accepted to all 6.
I’m really happy that my kids had options close-ish to home. I know that kids are often encouraged to go far out of their comfort zones for college, but not every kid wants or can handle that. My older daughter applied to schools all within about 6 hours from home and chose one that was about 3.5-4 hours. She was a 2020 HS grad, so I’m grateful she was relatively close during the uncertainty of the pandemic, and close enough that I could even make a day trip when she was having some mental health issues. My younger daughter is an hour away and it’s perfect for her.
Finances: I wouldn’t have changed much here, but only because we were lucky. My older daughter received a life changing scholarship that made any college possible for her. If that hadn’t been the case, as a full-pay family without a large enough 529 to pay for anywhere, she would have had to choose a different college or we would have had a lot of financial stress. My younger daughter is graduating in 3.5 years from a great state school, so neither will have loans.
Upon reflection, maybe I would have figured out a way for them to feel like they had some skin in the game. They both have done well, studied hard, and are responsible with their money, so I’m not sure how to articulate what I feel they didn’t get. Maybe a sense of empowerment that they don’t have? I’m not sure how to explain.
College: As things are still playing out for both, it’s hard to have a lot of perspective at this point. Covid stuff aside, my older daughter had an idyllic college experience in many ways, but as a new grad she is struggling to adjust a bit to the real world. She has a good job, but is feeling really disillusioned about whether she chose the right post-grad path. I wish I had helped her lay a better foundation so that she could feel better about her choices. I’m not sure if that would have been encouraging her to do some different things in college or influencing her to look at different positions, or if it’s more fundamental and I needed to model better ways to evaluate and make decisions.
My younger daughter isn’t done yet, so I don’t know how her angst will be. I wish she would have stretched herself more socially, but I did encourage it, so I’m not sure what else I could have tried.