<p>It sounds, although I’m not sure, like this money is legally his, even though you are also listed on the account, so you may not have the option of removing it from the account. If that’s the case, I pretty much have to agree with those who said that this was a risk you took when you set up the account this way. (It’s a risk I’ve taken with my own kids, by the way.) Perhaps he’d be willing to have copies of account statements sent to you, just to provide him with some “backup” and advice? Aside from that, I guess you could tell him that his decision will affect your estate planning. But I don’t see how you have any choice but to give him the money. It’s his money, and he’s an adult.</p>
<p>What o you and your DH anticipate re grad school? Is it only a minor consideration In the future or do you think there’s a good chance he’ll return to school? Is he on a high paying career track where he’ll be saving for future schooling and major purchases?</p>
<p>Yes, as I said at the outset, its in his name (my DH wanted to do that for both s’s) and he is an adult. I think he’d be less likely to want to have a copy of his statement sent to us as knowing him, this will still feel like we are in his business. Thats purely conjecture though. If we asked for that, I can hear him responding “why? If you ask, I’ll tell you what I am doing with it” or something like that.</p>
<p>I agree with workinprogress2. If either s chose to go back to school (and older one mentioned it as a possibility recently) we’d help them if they needed it. I have always felt that if someone (eg family or close friend) has handled their $$ responsibly and independently and ran into hard times or had an emergency or something, we’d willingly help them out. But, if someone has been a spendthrift and thinks we are going to fund their lifestyle (I have one family member who creates crises and then whines poverty) nope-- they are on their own.</p>
<p>I cannot have opinion. My child does not have funds.</p>
<p>Isnt your child in Med school?</p>
<p>This is an issue that has me worried, too. Not so much the part about turning over our kids’ mutual fund accounts to them – the balances in those are only around $10K each. But they are both beneficiaries of a trust to be distributed to them when their grandmother passes away. They could inherit as much as $200-300K apiece when that happens. They are 25 and 22 now and Grandma is 90, so this inheritance could come a lot sooner than they are prepared for (in terms of financial maturity).</p>
<p>I’m going to try to get their grandmother to add conditions to their inheritance with terms that will prevent them from blowing it all at once or spending it on something stupid. They’re just barely learning how to budget and manage their relatively meager incomes right now. I can’t imagine them having access to hundreds of thousands of dollars just yet :eek:</p>
<p>jym, I’m with the other posters who don’t think giving your S2 all of his money now is a good idea. I understand the privacy thing - both of my sons feel the same way and I don’t have access to their checking, savings or credit card accounts anymore like I did when they were in college. But that’s not a good enough reason to give a 22-year-old unfettered access to that kind of money until he has proven himself with a few years of experience.</p>
<p>When you talk to their grandmother, can you see if she’d like another beneficiary on her estate" 
:D</p>
<p>I’m liking the idea of giving him the 5 mo. lump sum “allowance” now, that will take him up through graduation. This gives us some time to work out the issue re: our names on the other accounts. We were able to remove our names for older s’s stock account so I dont think thats an issue, and he has set up other investment accounts on his own. The on line savings are still linked and older s’s checking is still linked to mine. Younger s still has a student cking account still open and linked to mine, but its virtually empty-- just keeping it open “just in case”. There are no fees attached to it.</p>
<p>And I totally get your concern, patsmom. We aren’t talking about that kind of money for younger s. Its a nice chunk of change, but not THAT nice!</p>
<p>Well, perhaps as you provide more details it is a case of your being at bit over anxious about a pretty responsible (although not yet perfect) 
kid and somewhat resistant to letting go of the purse strings.</p>
<p>Do you think you could work out a compromise with S2? Such as remainder of this school year’s allowance over holidays, half of balance of funds at graduation and the remainder at a later point, after he has gotten used to bearing the expenses of an independent life and you have gotten used to being an empty nester? </p>
<p>Of course I assume you have made clear that you all realize that this is HIS money and nobody else would ever withdraw it for any other purpose. But he could make a gift to you by deferring his full control for a bit, while you get used to having two independent sons. This way it is less about not trusting him, and more about your needing some adjustment time for the change in family dynamics.</p>
<p>Just a thought.</p>
<p>You are all fortunate that this is your issue, and I say that sincerely.</p>
<p>But if it’s his, how are you not going to give it to him? That’s what I don’t get about this. I don’t see that you have anything other than persuasion.</p>
<p>^ Yes, I am assuming persuasion would be the goal of the discussion. The money is apparently legally his. But I am hoping he will cooperate with his parents’ goals (assuming they are eventually on the same page themselves, of course!)</p>
<p>Thanks, jyber. We do count our blessings. Older s has been off the payroll for 3 1/2 years, and younger one will be soon. They are both responsible, though older s is, and always has been, more fiscally prudent than younger s. I do believe the financial loss he (younger s) experienced last spring was a wake-up call, and I do think he’s grown from that. We’ve been empty-nesters for quite a while, and I was an empty-house’r for the past 2 yrs, as DH travelled all the time, though in his new position it will hopefully be less often. </p>
<p>Yes, DS knows the $$ is his (and no one will touch it), and my DH has sat down with each of them a few times to review the funds that are in their name and to discuss investments/ management wit them. Younger s has more from us because older s spent more on college costs. Both 529’s have been exhausted. I just dont want younger s to feel he doesnt have to set up a continued savings plan because he has a nice nest egg. That would go against all of our grains. They understand that we are where we are because we started saving early and diligently.</p>
<p>Waverly, </p>
<p>Both s’s are debt free. They are both engineers, so they start out at a nice salary, but it plateaus. Older s just moved to silicon valley, so he is going to have a rude awakening that his ability to save may changes with the significant COL difference out there. He realizes that to progress he may have to get a masters at some point, and is beginning to think about that. Both wanted a break from school after working so hard in undergrad, and wanted some real world work experience. I can respect that.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be surprised if younger s decided after a few years in the work world that he might like to look into Med school after all. He has done all the prereqs but decided not to take the MCAT’s this semester as he had planned. His decision. Right now more school isn’t on his radar. Time will tell.</p>
<p>Hunt,
Yes, in reality, bottom line, he already has full control over this $$, as I mentioned in the OP. I think what he wants is to have us off the accounts so he is handling it all free and clear, without our oversight. Thats what I am less comfortable with. DH is more comfortable with it than I am, but again, I’ve had 2 generations of fiscally irresponsible, money-sucking relatives to deal with that affects my comfort zone. He’s only had one generation to deal with.</p>
<p>OK- here’s a perfect example. At Thanksgiving DS said that many people who owed him $ had paid him back (and he had a wad of cash on him from them at that time), and he was waiting for reimbursement from the school for some of his out-of-pocket club expenses. So he SWORE he wouldnt need to touch his savings account for the rest of this eayar as he had plenty in his checking account. Well, then he decides to buy older s’s big flat screen TV that DS was selling (cheaper to sell than to move it across country) and older s gave him a good deal on it ($350 or so). Well, I just looked at our joint on-line savings account and DS#2 has made 2 withdrawls this month (onew was in fact today) totalling $800. Thats not what he agreed to do. He swore he wouldnt take out another penny this year. So, do I let him know I know that hes withdrawn more from savings? He’ll have a justification…</p>
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<p>Jym, I guess our kids are somewhat parallel re point in life. My D is 27 and, after a few years working in her field (econ) and then grad school (masters in applied econ), is employed in a city six hours from us and totally on her own. S is an engineering major in his senior year of college (applying for jobs, but does not have one locked in yet).</p>
<p>But I do not consider myself an empty nester until they both have their main addys at an address other than the parental home. While S is still in college, he is home during vacations, etc. and we are still heavily involved in his life. </p>
<p>Anyhow, those who can pay their bills without pain and still be able to save are, IMO, fortunate in this economy. That seems to be the case for your family, as it is for ours, and I feel that we are all quite blessed and anything else is gravy. I hope my kids appreciate this.</p>
<p>Sorry, I am getting way off topic.</p>
<p>Best wishes on coming to a satisfactory resolution with your son.</p>
<p>What bothers me about this situation is that, I assume, the substantial financial resources accumulated for both sons represent years of savings, planning, and foregone luxuries for you and your husband, jym. Your younger son, although you say he isn’t “entitled,” does seem to have an “easy come, easy go” attitude about money. Large amounts of money accumulated with some pain over many years, in my opinion, are to be spent only on major life goals (education, house, starting a business). Frittering the money away on living above one’s income does not seem right to me.</p>
<p>Your son wants to be “financially independent.” Yet, even if you do take your names off the accounts, this money, as well as the gift of being free of college debt, has come from you and not from your son’s efforts. I think you should make this point to him; true financial independence is earned.</p>
<p>^^Very well said by NYMomof2. Those are my thoughts too.</p>
<p>I “stalled” over turning over funds until the worm was out of college a year or 2. I still see his Fidelity account, and haven’t been so pleased by how he moved investments. I tried to have him consult with one of their advisers, but clearly he didn’t. I’m more conservative with investments.</p>
<p>Given your son’s generosity, I wouldn’t want him to have access to a large sum. I’d begin by giving him a semester’s worth of money at one time. I don’t trust the roommies to not take advantage of him. I might tell him that I feel more comfortable holding back a sum, should he decide on future schooling in a few years. </p>
<p>I went to a meeting about wills. The speaker mentioned that the inherited money is often spent within 17 months.</p>
<p>Younger s’s personality style is much more laid back than older s’s or mine. We are wound a little tighter. Younger s is generally “easy come, easy go” with many things. That said, he has put effort into this, and I sould not minimize that. He has had earned income since he was in HS, working fast food, retail, etc then as a camp counselor, and 2 paid internships. So it hasn’t all been handed to him on a platter.</p>
<p>Yes, both s’s have seen us sacrifice to save for them and us, but what the didnt see is how early we started, so what we had already in savings before they were born. So what they saw were the benefits of early and careful savings that allowed them to go to private school, have annual ski vacations, to get the family hand-me-down cars, go to private universities and come out debt free, etc.</p>
<p>I guess I’m still confused as to the legal form of these educational savings/investment accounts. If they are UGMA accounts, they are gifts you have given your son and now that he is an adult they are his to do what he wants to with them, including calling the investment companies / banks and telling them not to send you statements. If they are accounts you have funded that are held as joint tenants or tenants in common it is a somewhat different matter - you both should get statements as long as the accounts are held that way. To remove you from title to the account now would mean giving your share of the account to him at this point in time. Depending on the amount involved, this could mean needing to file a gift tax return. So it matters quite a bit exactly how these accounts were set up.</p>
<p>Hmm… I dont exactly know the answer to that, Dadx3, but knowing my DH, he would have set the accounts up to minimize any tax liability. I do not think these are having to be gifted to our s.</p>
<p>I truly do not think our s would call anyone and tell them anything like that. If he was going to do that, he would not have postulated this notion as his holiday gift in the first place. I think what he is asking for is greatier financial autonomy, which in thruth he already has as the $$ is in his name, so as I said its a matter of discussing with him how much parental involvement is appropriate to help him continue to build this nestegg. I think he wants less oversight, and doesnt want to have to answer to us if he moves money. </p>
<p>I am hopeful that when he graduates he will no longer have roommates who plead poverty.</p>
<p>BTW, in case you can’t tell, DH is much more easy going and laid back too. He is also, fortunately, very fiscally savvy.</p>
<p>dad3x, Even if the funds are legally S2’s, he wants his parents permission to have them. The jym’s have a great relationship, that is why a compromise is in order.</p>