Would I have let my DD go in 10th grade? The answer is, it depends. It would depend on the chaperones, itinerary, teachers, accommodations, travel arrangements, support needs…
Things as a parent of an autistic child that would help me decide:
- Are their ticks (self-soothing mannerisms like pacing dangerous to self or others.
- Can they self-regulate ( i.e. are they in the stage of being able to self-soothe through meltdowns).
- Do they elope; this is a huge safety issue. Current elopement = full time aide.
- Can they handle money and debit/credit cards on their own?
- Can they navigate on their own their own?
- Do they self-advocate; will they order food as restaurants or seek out police, etc in case of emergencies?
I could probably write 20 other things I as a parent use before making this type of decision.
For a little background: DD was diagnosed right before her 2nd birthday. She was 299.0 “Autistic Disorder” with a GAF score of 30. This was at the time of Aspergers diagnoses as well; under current criteria, she would’ve been Level 3. We had no hope at that age and were told she would always be under our care. Going back and reading her reports still makes me cry. She had significant delays; she was non- verbal until Kindergarten, had trouble walking, eating, etc. We used modified ASL, and she wouldn’t feed herself; she had dangerous elopement episodes (she almost drowned when she was 3). We had an amazing Early Intervention team; they put her into every therapy they could think of occupational, speech, behavioral, physical…We had her in a specialized playgroup with United Cerebral Palsy to adjust to other kids, rules, schedules, stimuli; it was all at their own pace. By 3rd grade they realized she was gifted in math and science; something no one knew because she was locked inside her own mind so to speak. Over the years we started with things like dance and gymnastics to build social skills and work on her coordination and physical strength. After a decade of various therapies, she was was able to try overnight outings with her swim team, then longer weekend trips, then week long training trips. It was a process of exposure and preparation to learn what to do in different situations and emergencies. This included things like self defense, ordering/paying/tipping at restaurants, taking public transportation; in the early years we went along as her personal teacher/aide. Her whole life were lessons to prepare her to be on her own. She was a rising freshman the first time we sent her on a week long training trip without us to another state on her very first day with a new team in a new city, something I couldn’t have imagined or even hoped for 12 years prior. Her coaches were well aware of her diagnoses and limitations. They created a plan much like an IEP of what they would do if issues arose; this included the possibility of me driving/flying to get her. After each adventure, we had a debrief with DD to discuss what happened and how she could address problems in the future. From middle school to now, a phone has been a critical tool for her; from decompression to texting me to work through meltdowns. Her phone plays a crucial role. It isn’t necessarily her being anti-social, but her self-regulating.
To think a student couldn’t/shouldn’t go on a trip because of a particular diagnosis or an outward behavior like pacing is a bit of a stretch. Pacing doesn’t equal elopement, just as being quiet and on their phone doesn’t equal non-engaging. You and your DD simply don’t have enough information, experience or education to determine if this young man should/shouldn’t go on the trip. Perhaps she could use the experience to become a leader in inclusivity. I am forever grateful to the lone girl who reached out to my DD on that first week long trip; she saw through DD’s quirks and was able to chip through her protective wall. I credit her for teaching age appropriate social interactions that I and her teachers/therapists couldn’t possibly have done. Obviously that’s not your daughter’s job or obligation, but just leading the way in dissuading potential bullying from other classmates would be a great learning experience. I hope your daughter has a wonderful trip; I still remember my French exchange trip in HS, one of the best experiences of my life!