<p>I would and I did; when my daughter was hit by a car while cycling, we paid all her medical expenses until she could work out a settlement with the insurance company–which took ten months. If we had not paid her medical expenses, she would have been under a lot of pressure to settle earlier and for less. (She paid us back after she settled.)</p>
<p>But, no, I wouldn’t buy a child a house, although I would (under most circumstances and with groundrules in place) make a place in my house for my child.</p>
<p>I was raised with an extended family that it is expected.</p>
<p>Many of us in my generation would not have been able to buy our houses or for some hold onto them through divorce without parents aid. </p>
<p>I could only hope that I may be in a financial position to do the same. My cousins and I are in worse financial positions then our parents were at our age.</p>
<p>Like poetgrl – Any help would come with the assumption the adult child is working, earning money and not blowing it on partying.</p>
<p>My grandparents helped us when my dad got into his accident. We were never very well off financially, but my parents are extremely smart with finances and we were finally doing well (moved into a nicer neighborhood, etc) when my dad’s accident happened. My grandparents are very well off, but live very modestly (they have a very hippie lifestyle) so they had no problem helping us out. My grandparents even bought me a car when I was 17 so that I could get a job. When my dad finally settled with the car company and insurance company (it was a multi-year long process), he tried to give my grandpa back the money but they refused to take it. </p>
<p>My parents help out my sister (26) and I (21) when they can. I really couldn’t imagine them ever saying no to either of us- it’s just how they are. The difference between my sister and I is that I never ask whereas she’s a leach. My parents know that if I ever asked for money, it would be at a very last resort. It’s just how I am.</p>
<p>poet sounds like my grandparents. A few years ago, my grandfather found out that he has the very early stages of Alzheimer’s. Instead of waiting until he and my grandmother pass away to give us things (and my grandmother is in her late 50s so that’s not coming anytime soon), he decided to give part of his inheritance to his grandchildren early. He gave my sister and I each a timeshare and is paying the maintenance fees for as long as he can. He wants to be around to see us enjoy them :)</p>
<p>So, since the kids buy fancy tvs, go out to dinner, wear nice clothes, attend galas, they don’t have money for something boring like a roof. So the parents are thinking about buying them the replacement roof. </p>
<p>Interesting opinions from everyone. I am surprised at how generous most parents are.:)</p>
<p>How would you think of a parent who refuse to give shelter to a very sick adult child and his wife ? I am talking about a child who has adult children of his own. The parent would be in her 80s and the child would be in his 60s. The parents are wealthy.</p>
<p>It would depend on why the parent refuses to help their very adult child. It all depends on the people invovled. By 60 you should know whether mom and dad will help you out or not.Through work I see MANY 60 year olds who are very very sick and their even older parents help care for them both financially and health wise. Should they say, " at 60 you should be on your own and never ask for help, ever?" Everyone has their own way of living and RARELY is it right or wrong. I know people who refuse to help in any way and their kids/grandchildren are living in slums while the grandparents live in mc mansions with the means to help.Or they help the golden child buy a bmw while the other child gets nothing. is that fair? sure it is. I know people who fund their 40-50 year olds completly, they are able to do so and i see nothing wrong with this. These children knew they are/would be trust fund babies for ever.so what is wrong with that? if you are billionaire and don’t want your children to ever work, why should it matter to anyone else? We are all born into different circumstances and ideologies. I try not to judge others because they have thier own way of thinking and motivations. Some people would rather their adult child be homeless begging on the subway then help pay for an apartment, thinking this might serve as some lesson. can it? maybe. is the lessson worth learning? maybe ,maybe not. who knows. It is your money you should be able to do what you want with it.</p>
<p>If my kids ever asked for financial help, we’d give it. And if my mom or MIL ever asked, we’d do the same. Both of our adult kids, and our parents, would have to really need the help before they would ask, which is why I can say with confidence, yes.</p>
<p>I apologize in advance if this is unwarranted/unwelcome, but speaking from a child’s perspective (I’m currently in college), I actually wouldn’t want my parents to help me financially as an adult (defined here as when I’m out of college and I have a job). It’s not their responsibility to pamper and spoil me every time I have a problem in life; how would I ever grow up otherwise? </p>
<p>Unless I found myself in a dire financial crisis (i.e., I just lost my job, my landlord kicked me out, and someone stole my wallet) and needed a small boost so that I can re-order my life, I wouldn’t even think about asking my parents for anything. And even then, I wouldn’t expect them to help me just because they’re my parents - I would be very grateful if they did, but it’s their choice, not an obligation. After all, they’re my parents, not my own personal money tree. </p>
<p>There’s a financial benefit to smaller gifts along the way rather than a larger inheritance after the parents die. I think paying for items like the grandchildren’s school tuition over the years is a strategy advised to minimize taxes.</p>
<p>dragonmom : my opinions are all over the place and I am trying to formulate my thoughts therefore the thread I suppose. </p>
<p>I raised my kids to be financial independent - to strive to be complete and self-sufficient. I think I would be very disappointed in them as people if they are ever in a situation that expect or need my help, baring circumstances beyond their control. I would have taken that as a failure - mine as a parent ? theirs as an adult ?</p>
<p>We were fortunate enough to receive unexpected financial assistance from a relative, which helped with our kids’ tuitions. We expect to be in a position to help fund grandchildren’s educations way, way down the road (kids aren’t currently even dating, as far as we know).</p>
<p>We also hope to be able to help our kids purchase homes with a very significant down payment and/or help with providing a mortgage that is slightly higher than whatever we’d get from a CD & lower than conventional mortgage, if we are able to do so.</p>
<p>At this point, S is financially independent and has been since age 23.5; D will be graduating at age 22 and we will help her with room, board & expenses, until she finishes her unpaid internship and gets a job, hopefully in her field. S has not asked us for any financial help (other than tuition & we offered & purchased plane tickets) since he was a sophomore in college.</p>
<p>It would be tougher if the kids seemed to make lifestyle choices I felt were self-destructive, like drugs, gambling, addictions, excessive consumption. Not sure what I’d do in such a case, especially if there were grandkids involved. I am glad that I don’t have to worry about these options now and hopefully won’t ever. </p>
<p>I think it’s tough for wealthy older relatives to figure out what is “fair” and how much their choices should reflect how much they agree/disagree with choices made by people who stand to inherit. For the most part, estate attorneys & planners I’ve spoken with have said it creates extreme hard feelings when sibblings are treated unequally by a parent and can create a permanent rift. It’s also very tough when one or more of the younger people seem to be financially irresponsible and always blowing their their resources with no thought of saving or the future.</p>
<p>“It depends” is really the answer. As siliconvalleymom points out, if you are fortunate enough to have a lot of money, passing some of it to your kids while you are alive is good estate planning. It can also allow your kids to have a nicer standard of living earlier than otherwise–and whether that’s a good thing or not depends on their character.</p>
<p>As for a child who needs money because of terrible decisions he’s made–well, of course you have to help him as much as you can (at least so long as you’re not enabling more bad decisions)–he’s still your kid.</p>
<p>It only becomes relevant if your estate is going to be taxed. Right now you have an exemption of $5 million each per husband and wife. If your assets are above that, there is a clear advantage to giving the annual $13,000 per giftee that is exempt from gift and estate taxes. Otherwise, it doesn’t matter from a tax standpoint because it was going to be taxed anyway when you kick the bucket. </p>
<p>I would say that gifts should carry an admonition to use them in a financially sustainable way. Currently, if you gave someone a million dollars, they could invest it in ten-year treasury bonds and increase their annual pretax income by just under 20,000 per year. If you go with stocks, its about the same. Regardless of the amount, you would presumable prefer that they not use it to enter an arena (housing, car) that carries with it additional costs and behavioral expectations that are beyond the child’s own financial ability to support. </p>
<p>The idea is that you want external financial support to “relieve” some of the daily financial pressure that your childs family faces. You don’t want such support to help dig a deep hole for the kid.</p>
The $5M number is the current federal limit … each state has it’s own laws … here in Mass the limit is $1M; that limit includes real estate so lots of families in Mass are looking at the state tax.</p>
<p>Right now there about 2538 threads about middle class families struggling with choices between full-pay preferred schools and cheaper options at state schools or schools providing merit-aid. A lot of those families will be inheriting a pretty good sum on money within 10-15 years … might some of that money help those families now?</p>
<p>Yes; my parents (not rich) helped me with a little bit of extra money each month to help pay my rent. Later, they gave my husband and me a portion of the down payment on our second house. Nearly two decades later, my father was proud to pay for my son’s first year of college, though we could afford to pay for it ourselves. We helped our older child after graduation when help was needed and we are helping our younger child now, to a lesser extent. They work hard; so did we, and so did my parents. I have to admit the fact that our children work hard makes it more appealing to help them but I think I would do so anyway as long as it did not compromise our finances we we approach retirement.</p>