Physically I can understand, but emotionally?
I have girls so I didn’t have to fight the football fight (yes, I know there are some girls who play). If I had boys, tackle football at a young age would have been a hard no.
My oldest was a competitive cheerleader but she was not a tumbler. She was a base spot and while there was a danger of her being kicked in the head, and she was - several times, she never sustained a concussion. My younger played travel softball for almost 10 years. Her injuries ranged from getting hit in the thigh so hard with a softball that left stitching imprints from the ball, to colliding while sliding into a base and breaking her big toe. One of her teammates had a collision at home plate and snapped her leg. Thankfully no concussions.
One of my daughter’s best friends sustained a serious concussion in a freak accident where a large male friend of hers ran up to hug her at a very high speed and tackled her to the ground, where she hit her head on the cement floor (obviously he didn’t mean to injure her and he was devastated). I saw first-hand how much this concussion altered her life - she had to withdraw from her college for a year to receive treatment (but thankfully went back and graduated), had to see many specialists and tried many different kinds of treatments, and to this day has to wear special (and very expensive) ear plugs when in loud environments.
Clearly accidents can happen on or off the playing field. I don’t question the sporting decisions that other parents make for their kids but for me, tackle football is inherently a rough sport (the goal is to tackle). I know other sports involve collisions (soccer, lacrosse, field hockey) - I guess if my kids gravitated toward those sports, I would watch closely and be ready to make the decision to pull them out if they sustained a concussion. One concussion is bad enough - I can’t imagine what multiple concussions looks like over a lifetime.
Special Forces conduct high-risk missions that require specialized skills, including counterterrorism and unconventional warfare. That “unconventional warfare” tends to wreak havoc on the psyche.
Our son said one of the toughest classes at West Point was “Ethics of War” which, among other issues, engaged cadets in considering the morality of taking life. They also took a “combatives” class that taught them how to kill with precision–and that’s just regular soldiering. Those in SF are trained for high-value missions that may require actions that, though justified, they have to live with the rest of their lives.
Sorry to be off topic. Carry on.
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As concussions are a big topic in this thread, I’ll suggest that interested parents can look into concussion headbands that are rated by Virginia Tech. They’re useful for field sports such as soccer and ultimate - two big concussion sports in which head to head contact (or head to knee or ground, for ultimate) are huge risks.
Both of my kids played ice hockey, soccer, and ultimate. My youngest gave up soccer after sustaining a concussion in ultimate and decided maybe all their sports did not have to be concussion sports (switched to XC instead). They started wearing the concussion headband in ultimate.
My kids’ sports were important parts of their friendship groups before and during high school. We accepted that there would be some risk and were ready to pull the plug on contact sports if we felt the risk had become too high.
My son has been doing wrestling and he loves it; the coach is great and there is strong team spirit. It is an intense contact sport for sure; you get used to seeing bleeding noses and people being thrown around as a parent. Interestingly, it is also co-ed where we are, so you can see girls beating boys on the mat. With good coaches and referees, it can be a safe sport for the kids.
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Yes, I would and did let my two boys play contact sports. Both played football and lacrosse in high school. With active kids, we have taken several trips to the emergency room, but only one was for a sports-related injury. The lone concussion came in elementary school from a fall on the playground. Injuries can and do happen anywhere. I would add that I think many people focus disproportionately on the risks of contact sports while ignoring comparable dangers in other activities. Are football or lacrosse really any more dangerous than riding a bicycle, jogging along a country road, or skateboarding? People are afraid to fly, but it is much safer than driving. Football looks and is violent, but are injuries or the risk of death worse than trampolines?
I think the downside of preventing my kids from playing contact sports would be worse than the risks of injury. These downsides include a decline in physical and mental well-being, missed opportunities for developing life skills, and negative impacts on academic engagement and social connections. Honestly, I can’t imagine telling my rather large, athletic-looking boys that they can’t play football, much less lacrosse, because we fear injury.
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My kids did plenty of other things to learn teamwork. Theater was a big one. They also did dance when they were little and did a lot of outdoor activities like hiking and canoeing and kayaking and swimming. They are more of the cooperative mindset rather than the competitive mindset. They never even liked competitive board games. Competition can be pretty toxic.
If they had really really wanted to play soccer I would have let them, but they had zero interest.
My two cents is I think it is definitely possible to get the development benefits of competitive youth sports out of other sorts of team and physical activities (in various combinations). In my mind the issue is more what do you do if your individual kid is much more motivated to do competitive youth sports than those alternatives? For that specific kid, those alternatives may not be viable.
I also agree basically every robust physical activity has physical risk associated with it. But I personally feel like we can draw distinctions between different activities and assess whether the benefits outweigh the risks in those specific cases. And of course there are differences to consider between more one-off/unique experiences, and repeat experiences where the risk cumulates.
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On the one hand, my family is completely unskilled athletically so it didn’t matter. On the other hand, I absolutely would not have condoned any contact sports, after teaching for years and seeing how concussions made mush out of so many young brains (the worst I saw was a girl in soccer, but I saw a bunch from lacrosse and football too).
My middle son was built like more of an athlete than the rest of us, and he took a shine to ultimate frisbee in college. At a game I attended, he accidentally hit ME in the head with the bleeping frisbee. Grrr. There’s got to be a moral of the story there somewhere.
I encourage swimming, cardio workouts, and careful weight-lifting for my kids. DS3 also has started doing various pull-ups, muscle-ups, and other isometric conditioning. I personally like non-contact floor hockey but I haven’t played in years. DH runs.
I’m reminded of “Do as I say, not as I do!” I would do all those sports if it were me; but would discourage my kids from doing them. Maybe a good middleground is to have good discussions about the risks, set some boundaries (in terms # and types of injuries), and let them choose?
Wrestling isn’t linked to CTE, is it? More likely sprains and breaks. Maybe consider water polo? A very rough & strenuous contact sport with no CTE AFAIK …
My son played lacrosse and loved it. He asked to play football, and I am afraid to say I said no, until he was a sophomore in high school. But he lost interest. I was worried about head injuries, but I completely understand that accidents happen in any kind of sport. Frankly, I think snow sports are by far the most dangerous sports.
Between me, my husband, and my son, all of our “sporting’ injuries are from snow sports.
I suffered a broken wrist in my 20’s, then was struck from behind by a youngster while on a slope and had 5 months of physical therapy for whiplash. That happened nearly 3 years ago. I will not ski again and gave away all of my ski gear. I’m too old for another case of whiplash.
My husband tore his ACL on the same day I got whiplash. Luckily it was a very small tear and PT was sufficient. He still skis. Why, I don’t know.
My son broke his leg on skis when he was 4. 6 years ago, he broke his arm while snow boarding and had surgery, with a titanium rod placed. He still snowboards a couple of times a year.
I know a 15 year old boy who horribly broke his neck last year while doing freestyle slope tricks. He sadly is quadriplegic. I know skiing and boarding are great fun. They are definitely dangerous though.
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Interesting topic. My son BEGGED us to play youth football as soon as he was old enough (third grade) and we said no way. We continued to say no, but did allow him to play soccer, basketball, LAX, flag football. We told him if he still wanted to play football in high school he could. So he did- played all four years, not one injury (thankfully). Meanwhile, his younger sister played soccer, dance and then at the age of 9 started cheerleading. Not once did it occur to us that the risk of injury from cheer was probably much higher than injury from football. She cheered from age 9 until now (18) and had two concussions, a broken thumb, a sprained hand, deviated septum and a fractured back 
All of those injuries occurred in grades 8 and 9. Her final three years of sideline only cheer she thankfully was ok but is VERY glad to be done now (final season just ended). All this to say that the entire time we were worried about football cheer risk was not on the radar and once she was in it she was in it and did not want to quit. Both kids got so much out of being on a team sport and there are no regrets.
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My son graduated with a guy (son of a friend) who was in a ski accident in college and is now paralyzed, student council president, valedictorian, football team captain. It was awful.
Friend of a friend was really into competitive mountain biking for quite awhile. Friend’s friend got into a horrible mountain biking accident a few years ago, went head over heels over the handlebars, and ended up permanently paralyzed from the waist down. And yeah, the person was wearing a helmet. Tragic situation!
We had 2 kids in water polo. Definitely a lot of potentially serious injuries especially by end of HS to college/pro level when the hits get harder and the balls are shot at a higher velocity.
My daughter was a goalie in HS and college and had one concussion and one subluxed jaw injury while in HS. A ball shot into the cage from 5 meters out and careening off the cross bar can have a really high velocity. The goalie can have little time to avoid it if ricochets because the angle changes so quickly. And while the players have ear protection, the cap provides no concussion protection.
There is much less risk of concussion for field players, however there are many facial injuries. I know several players who sustained facial fractures. These are mostly at the college level, not the younger kids who can’t elbow that strongly.
All that said, my kids really loved their sport. I was stressed watching at times, but like others have said kids choose their passion. And mine were definitely not land athletes.
I myself was a competitive runner. I have had more injuries than the rest of my family combined. But again, it brought me joy and many opportunities.
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I disagree with the idea that competition itself is inherently toxic. Competition can be toxic when it’s handled poorly. It can be toxic when the culture of winning becomes everything, when coaches or parents are overly intense, when kids are shamed for losing, or when it crowds out other values. But healthy competition can also teach valuable things: how to handle disappointment, how to push yourself, how to perform under pressure, how to lose gracefully and win humbly.
It’s up to parents to find the right culture around it. Any parent who has spent time around youth activities has seen environments that are wonderful and some that are terrible. Same with theater or orchestra. In fact, I have heard the marching band director at my kid’s high school dress down kids over the P.A. that no coach could get away with. And to be honest, even exposure to unhealthy competition is okay because there is plenty of that to go around in college and the workplace.
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One if my kids had two main sports, competitive Irish dancing and xc/track. The dancing started age 5, running started in high school. She was amazed at how they ate polar opposites. Dancing had very intense (and sometimes cruel) teachers, they were told to dance through their pain, pit dancers against each other, teachers got mad if they didn’t do well at competitions, judging completely subjective. At xc coaches couldn’t have been nicer and were so positive, kids were so kind and encouraging, and it was completely objective. My daughter lied to her dance teachers because they insisted she quit running.
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I never said that. Please read my post.
My sons played football, one was a multiple state champ who went on to play D1 at an excellent academic school. He was a talented multiple sport athlete and an excellent student. Would I have chosen this sport for him, no. But, they like what they like.
I know plenty of kids who suffered injuries from non contact sports.
Our family is very sporty and active/fitness oriented. Believe me, if I could have talked him into the band or choir I would have:)
We watched our son get knocked out briefly in a soccer match on ESPN. By the time play had stopped and the ref got to him he had come to. He told the ref he was down on the ground because he hurt his shoulder(so they wouldn’t put him through the concussion protocol). He played the rest of the match. He ended up having a concussion. We were not happy. He said, “Don’t worry, this concussion feels much better than the others.” That also did not make us happy.
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