This is a really complex question, one we tossed around all the time on the prep school boards. FWIW, the general consensus there is that a parent who sends a kid to a competitive boarding school mostly in hopes that it will ease the path to an Ivy is far better off sending their kids to a public school. It’s the big fish in a small pond effect.
That said, I agree with @wchatar2 that there are many, complex reasons for sending kids to private or public schools. We sent one to boarding school and the other did a combination of things in high school (public high school, study abroad, community college), but all within the public/state school system. The boys were very different, and we just followed the road that made the most sense for each of them. Both have ended up at Yale. For both, their back-up college choice-where they would have happily attended–was an excellent state flagship.
Another factor to keep in mind is that lots of those private school kids at Yale were and are on significant financial aid. First generation students and those whose parents come from lower socio-economic groups, who were on scholarship at top private schools, are snatched up by Ivies. I wouldn’t assume that the 50 percent private school and 50 percent full-pay students are the same cohorts.
I just want to agree with the above. My son got into his backup school first and my thought was “Thank God”. Because of who he is, I have no doubt that if he had gone to his backup he would have had a wonderful experience, learned a lot,and, truth be told, probably would have an easier path to graduate school. Yale has wonderful resources and I think that is what swayed him. But I think that wherever he went his secondary education laid a terrific base for him to work from.
I’d lust like to pipe in that almost no student is WELL prepared for Yale, Harvard, Princeton or the like. Every kid there is the best at something, whether academics, best flute player, captain of the football team, budding artist, etc. All are thrown into the same pool, they are no longer the big fish. But its okay. Almost all adjust to the new normal. I always tell my child when she is complaining about the work load that a college degree is something that is earned - a degree that says Yale or any other top tier school doesn’t come easy, as it shouldn’t.
As the public school kid that graduated from Yale in 1982, I understand looking around and thinking that everyone was smarter than me. Turned out that most were just normal students like me, some just better at some things than others. Yale students are laid back, friendly, and have a ton of school spirit. I am always excited when a new class comes in because I love for a new crop of students to experience the school that I still love dearly.
One thing to add about “well prepared” - the part she wasn’t prepared for was to go from being an exceptional high school student to being an average Yale student. One of her chem tests came back and was a 77. She had never had a 77 before in science. She freaked out a little bit until she heard that the class average was a 56. I reminded her that she was among academic peers for the first time in her life and that having things come easy wont be so common anymore. I will say that the 77 forced her to tackle finals like I had never seen her do before.
My D had a similar experience. She used to write papers in high school that her teachers raved about. They even wrote comments like “I put yours on the bottom of the pile to read last because I know it will make reading all the other bad ones worthwhile”. So, you know her surprise when her first paper at Yale garnered comments like, “immature”. I told her, you’re a freshman, of course your writing is immature for a college student. Go to the professor and see if you can get some insights. She did, and never looked back. Considering she’s an Intensive Literature major, writing papers is now a part of her daily life.
My daughter said that she got her midterm back during her final and there was one question on it where she gave a thorough answer and accidentally spelled one word wrong and the professor circled the word and took 4 points off. The whole question was only worth 5. I laughed but she didn’t find it amusing. I told her that the one word she misspelled was the one word that whole test was about and he was probably proving a point. She said its because he barely spoke English and that was probably the only word he recognized. I told her that her reaction was immature. LOL
I don’t know about the rest of you but I recall my first year of college being a huge learning curve. Yes to the above comments about now not being exceptional but placed in a community where, as a student, you are the norm. More importantly I found the lessons of learning to negotiate a communal living environment the greater lesson. AND back in the day when we (the housemates) gathered together, highlighters ready, itemizing our long distance calls and figuring out our cost. Now that’s some serious life altering AHA moment…
Kids adapt. I noticed during this year’s break (sophomore winter) that DS has taken to finding something where most of the kids excel: Kid A is a great coder, Kid B does great math proofs, Kid C really understands International Relations at a deep level, and so on. These are probably kids who in HS were described as “the smartest kid in the school.” Now, more narrow niches are necessary.
ETA: the best of Holiday Greetings to the CC family.
S bought the family a wonderful Christmas gift, something we can all use, a new speaker for the computer…but I told him next year, I want paraphenalia! Even just a mug or another sticker! Noting pricey, either…
First semester, first B’s in his entire life. Directed Studies is certainly a challenge. He was, I think, amazed at how well-prepared other kids are. However, he is gloating in the brilliance, talent and drive all around him.
I wish everyone a well-deserved break at this end of the year, and joy in having these scholars back home.
@momcinco, I don’t want to encourage you to lead your S astray, and he may already know how to triage the readings, but one of the best things my DS learned in his HS IB studies was how to determine what he had to read, what he could skim, and what he could skip. DS didn’t do Directed Studies, but he saw some very strong students suffer from refusing to do anything other than read each text thoroughly.
I was toying with the idea of booking some low mileage frequent flyer tickets for my D (class of 2020) to get to and from school next year (using Bradley), but then stumbled upon some old posts from this thread about the weekend before Thanksgiving and the Harvard-Yale game.
I have come to the conclusion that I need to put my planning on the back burner for now, as there are too many uncertainties other than arrival date (Aug 20 for the 6 day FOOT). It sounds like the winter break start depends on exam schedule, which is not determined until the class schedule is finalized. It also sounds like Thanksgiving break flights might depend on whether D goes to the Harvard-Yale game. My daughter is definitely not a football fan, so this seems hard to imagine. However, if many freshmen go for the group experience, I am sure she would want to go.
So I thought I would ask the wise parents on this board whether many freshmen do indeed go to the Harvard-Yale game when it is in Boston? I saw on the older posts that some kids fly straight out of Boston to return home.
^My DD is not a football fan at all, but she went to every HY game, home or away. Sometimes she didn’t actually go to much of the game itself, but the group experience is a BIG DEAL. She even went this year to the game in NH, though she’s graduated and living in Boston.
@Donnaleighg has it right, @Faulkner1897. I’m not sure that DS attended any other football games, but he is 2 for 2 on HY games. I think he’ll be 4 for 4 before he’s done. We’re within easy driving distance of NH, but DS was unexpectedly left stranded in Boston during freshman year with some classmates after the game. DW intended to pick him up at Yale, but drove on and picked him and a classmate up at H.
We are thankful that we’re a drive away, because break planning is not Y’s strength.
Thank you, great input! I had a feeling it was more about the group experience than the game itself. I sincerely hope that she will want to go to the game every year - it sounds like an important part of the Yale experience! However, I think this is one of those times when I will wait to make the plane reservations and see how things develop.
I wouldn’t wait too long into the fall as flights can sell out that week-end. Also, Harvard Yale will be in Boston next year; some students spend the night with a friend and fly home from there. I think you’ll also find that the final exam schedule at Christmas time is pretty flexible. My kid has always been able to take earlier exams in classes that have the last date on the official schedule, though this year he was still polishing up papers from on home on the official last day.
@Faulkner1897 - Just want to pipe in as a parent of one of those kids who just does not enjoy sports or care particularly about The Game. As sports fans ourselves, his dad and I both encouraged him to attend for the spirit and tradition, but he ultimately attended only one of these Games (home, his sophomore year). I was initially disappointed but quickly realized that I was unfairly projecting my own “rah rah” inclinations onto my son. It was just not his thing.
I think for kids who want to get their spirit on, it can be a great time, but I don’t at all feel (based on my student and his friend group) that it is an “important part of the Yale experience.” The home games may be more tempting than the ones in Cambridge for a student who is only mildly interested. There are plenty of students who do not make the away trip.
@bookmobile@classicalmama Thank you both for your input! I rarely attended games at my alma mater (Rice), and only attended if it was a social event like homecoming - definitely for the group experience rather than the game. I am going to ask my D to reach out to two freshmen that she knows and get their thoughts. I can definitely see her being swept into a group plan to attend, but can also see her only attending when it is at Yale.
It seems like one plan might be to make FF tickets to leave Hartford on Sunday morning after the game, and change them to Friday night or Saturday morning if she decides not to go.
