I’m the parent of two young men but I can honestly say I wouldn’t be even remotely offended by the letter in the OP’s post. It isn’t offensive. It isn’t inappropriate at all.
<<<
I agree, missypie, but, unfortunately, that is a lesson young women (and old women) need to learn. What works on a smaller female can be a disaster on a larger one (body type or height).
<<<
This is a touchy area. I remember our local high school having to figure out a way to ban certain clothes that would be fine on a small busted girl but were too exposing for large busted girls.
Even if the target audience knew what was meant by the tshirt instructions, there’s no reason not to be clear.
We have this issue atmy office actually. There ard apparently people who are overly casual on casual Friday. So they keep sending out these vague clarufucations that don’t clarify. Thus leaves all the rest of us reading and re-reading trying to figure out if it applies to us
At my kids’ high school if they issued a vague insruction like that about jeans and tshirts, you’d have some kids start looking for creative ways of “making choices wisely” that would not be what the administration had in mind.
I am absolutely not trying to be insensitive - I am genuinely just trying to understand - so please take this question in the spirit that it’s asked.
Why is it offensive or “fat shaming” to ban certain clothes that would be fine on a small busted girl but not a large busted girl? I’ve had issues with my own weight (not in high school), and there was a time where I was 30+ pounds heavier than I am now, so it’s not as though I were skinny my whole life. And I also understand that some people may have proportions that are different, etc.
But in MOST cases, isn’t it just an issue of getting a larger size? Again, I am not trying to be offensive - just trying to understand. I always thought when people are wearing tight clothes it’s because they like to wear tight clothes, not because they can’t go a size up. Not everything has to be super fitted, right (for jeans for example, I have always had larger thighs, even now - so, I make sure they fit the thighs/butt, and if the waist is too big, that’s fine - it doesn’t mean I should get jeans to fit the waist and have my butt spilling out)? Even now, at my ideal weight, I generally don’t wear skin-tight clothing. Back when I was 30 pounds heavier, yes, I couldn’t wear certain dresses that would show too much, but that would mean I just needed to make sure chest, etc. were covered. Why is that offensive or 'fat shaming"? I understand people maybe being put off by the wording. But to me, spilling out of clothes always was associated with getting clothes that are too tight, not being too ‘fat’ or making people lose weight - just the need to go up a size.
I’d prefer the school send a professional letter specifying the required dress code. That would be an appropriate way for an “educational institution” to educate the students by providing an example of professional correspondence. I also thought it was hilarious, but not as an official letter to students! Now, excuse me while I pull my t-shirt over my sausage roll.
But in MOST cases, isn’t it just an issue of getting a larger size? Again, I am not trying to be offensive - just trying to understand
Not unless the clothing is remarkably well designed, not generally the case with clothing available in some communities.
The pieces that seem to be bigger in a larger size, is the length, not width.
Some clothing also shrinks a lot, and not in predictable ways!
This is not as common as it used to be, as I still might buy something assuming it will shrink, then it doesn’t!
I dressed like a gothic nun in high school. All of my clothes were several sizes too big, loose, and everything was covered. I still find this offensive. Read it out to my mom who had the same reaction.
Completely inappropriate for a variety of reasons. Not least of which is that young women are already incredibly sensitive about their bodies.
emeraldkity, I’ve often thought that if a designer went to an ordinary mall, or maybe WalMart, on a Saturday afternoon, grabbed the first 10 teens/women that she saw, and designed clothes that looked good on them, she would be America’s Favorite Designer.
Let’s say that emeraldkity and I were BFFs in HS… I looked like Gumby and she was a 32E. We wanted to dress alike for the ceremony, so we went to Old Navy and bought identical knit dresses in whatever size fit us best. We show up for the ceremony together and ek is turned away or asked to put on huge loaner sweatshirt. I’m just saying it’s a conversation that is fraught with peril…what does the faculty member say without commenting directly on ek’s chest?
The faculty member says "Um…about ‘the girls’ "
I haven’t bought many clothes lately, but it wasn’t so long ago, that in order to find pair of jeans that fit, I would have to take about 50 pairs to the dressing room.
Quality control was so bad, that even the same size & the same style & brand, fit differently.
This was at Nordstroms, and the clothes weren’t inexpensive, albeit it was in the juniors dept, so they may have been made cheaply.
In my experience, the ones for whom this is written are the ones who are least likely to pay it any attention. If anything, they will take it as a challenge.
I’ve attended a fair number of HS award ceremonies over the last decade, and there are inevitably a few girls who show up in inappropriate rigs, along the lines of “I can’t believe her mother let her out in that!” Of course, one realizes that the mother has most likely given up already, because after endless fighting she decided this wasn’t the hill she wanted to die on, or perhaps she is absent or dysfunctional. Most of the girls look fine, as do most of the guys. (And yes, I say “mother” because I don’t know of any fathers that monitor or have that much influence on what their kids, especially their Ds, wear. I’m sure they are out there, and to them I apologize.)
I think that the instructions went way over the top. I have no problem with them pointing out the underwear issue for both sexes, and suggesting modest, business casual style for both, but the rolls language was just too much. I mean, I appreciate the sentiment and the desire to stop some girls from–in the eyes of the adults–embarrassing themselves, but no.
I will say, though, that as a person who is neither small-busted nor thin, it is completely nonsensical to suggest that it is impossible to find clothing that covers one appropriately. People of all body types tend to buy clothing that works with their body type. I would be an idiot if I thought that I should buy exactly the same clothes as my friend who is 6ft tall and weighs 120lbs, OR the exact same clothes as my friend who is 4’11". Yeah, there are some types of things I simply cannot wear. So what?
Remember your population. 40% economically disadvantaged.
Economically disadvantaged students do not often have many choices in wardrobe. Often times, clean with no holes would be appropriate.
I will say, though, that as a person who is neither small-busted nor thin, it is completely nonsensical to suggest that it is impossible to find clothing that covers one appropriately. People of all body types tend to buy clothing that works with their body type. I would be an idiot if I thought that I should buy exactly the same clothes as my friend who is 6ft tall and weighs 120lbs, OR the exact same clothes as my friend who is 4’11". Yeah, there are some types of things I simply cannot wear. So what?
I don’t think I was an idiot for assuming that clothes in my size, that were similar in style to what my friends were wearing was appropriate.
At least once I got out of junior high, where girls were required to wear dresses, we didn’t really have a dress code. Neither did the schools my kids attended.
@emeraldkity4 I did not mean to imply that YOU are or were an idiot. Sorry.
I was speaking more generally to the conversation about body types and clothing.
Nevertheless, I am sure that you found clothing that worked for you, and wore it. Sure, it would be nice to be able to wear everything. But no one can. I certainly can’t.
@sax, do you think that low SES girls who are large or busty routinely wear clothing that is too small and/or revealing? I doubt it. I’m sure they have something to wear, even if it isn’t fancy. If every single thing they own is revealing and/or too small, they definitely have a larger problem than what to wear to one ceremony…
No matter what size you are, if you wear clothes that are too small for your body, you are going to be squeezed in places, creating those telltale lumps where you really don’t want them. I don’t think this is about weight. I think we’ve all seen women who are not overweight at all wearing clothing which is way too tight, and it is no less unflattering on them than on someone who is overweight.
That said, I thought this letter was surely a joke and someone was just pulling our legs.
I think poor kids often don’t have many choices. My H grew up extremely poor. His feet are misshapen due to wearing too small sneakers for too long. His clothes were often ill fitting hand me downs from cousins etc.
Girls weight varies. I can see not having many choices to start and then if they gain weight there are no new clothes to be had.
@sax, there is always the possibility of borrowing something. There is Goodwill. Girls do that a lot. I honestly do not think that there are THAT many kids who cannot at least muster up a top that covers them adequately and a pair of pants of some kind. What does the kid wear to school on a daily basis? That is really all this school requires, setting the excessive language aside.
Nrdsb4 is correct: I’m always amazed when I see people with clothes so tight that they are creating rolls and lumps.
Or one look at the mom and one realizes that some moms dress as inappropriately as their HS daughters.
DD (16) is 6’ and trust me, the larger sizes get wider but not longer.
I agree that the message should have been written more tactfully and with greater specificity.
Sax-re post 32–“oftentimes clean with no holes would be appropriate”.
YES! APPROPRIATE for the occasion. I don’t see where the memo asked for more than that.