<p>Dstark and other parents, do you believe that people who just “got a job” and have spent their lives with a focus on family are the happiest? When you look around at your college classmates, neighbors, people you grew up with–who are the happiest and why?</p>
<p>The people who are happiest are the ones that do what works for them. </p>
<p>I would also say that those that have excellent relationships with people, great family ties and great friends are the happiest.</p>
<p>There are exceptions. For some people, it is the love of their job that comes first.
For some people, the act of making money comes first. </p>
<p>I don’t know too many unhappy people that have a great family life, great friends and love their work. :)</p>
<p>I hope you don’t take this as a contradiction. Having money is better than not having money. Better health care. More comforts. More choices and options. (It’s not just college admissions where people like options). If you don’t have the strong human connections and like what you do, the having money isn’t going to work.</p>
<p>I used to tell my daughter, if you want a certain lifestyle, you have to work hard and make a certain amount of money. Now I tell her to find something she loves to do and do it. (She has the family and friends part down).</p>
<p>The funny thing is that I would describe the happiest kids I know almost exactly as you describe the happiest adults. Kids who have great parents who they respect and enjoy are the happiest among my friends. They are not leading double lives and pretending to be different people to their parents. There is a strength they take from family.</p>
<p>Suze, one of the secrets of life is we don’t really grow up. 
We change a little, but our core stays the same. So yes, your post #1723 makes sense to me.</p>
<p>Stark: Very nice posts. Just returned-- over 20 hours that almost turned into 3 days for the returned leg. (I am getting to hate flying ,again!) S and I spent a fair amount of time on this trip talking about what you have just posted. Also, did the same with about 10 different old friends I visited the last week.</p>
<p>A lot of the different thoughts that have been posted on this thread will be factors in S’s final choice. Fortunately all of the choices are good.</p>
<p>
Payments can be deferred, but as far as I know, interest continues to accrue.</p>
<p>
Yeah, the top companies had task forces in the 70’s, too.</p>
<p>Post again when you’re 30, and let us know how it all went. ;)</p>
<p>oldolddad, thanks. I bet you will always remember this trip with your son… and he will remember it too. </p>
<p>So I get this idea that although your son has a month to decide, he is going to decide much earlier.</p>
<p>Do you have a clear favorite? Do you think your son does?
By the way, congrats to your son. He has earned so many amazing choices.</p>
<p>
Actually, its been studied. </p>
<p>Researchers have found that the difference between income at poverty level and the middle class level need to meet basic needs is huge in terms of happiness, but that once the basic needs are met, increases in income do not correlate to greater happiness. (In other words, once you’ve got what you need, having more doesn’t add much to happiness).</p>
<p>However, the most important thing to happiness is social & interpersonal relationships. So sometimes people make themselves less happy by pursuing goals that cut them off from people, such as moving to a large isolated mansion, rather than staying in a neighborhood where the houses are close together and they know everyone. So moving around a lot could contribute to unhappiness if the result is that it cuts people off from their friends and family.</p>
<p>That tells me about money. But how do people feel who know they can keep going in their field, which mean doing what they love, but don’t to focus on family (who of course they also love)? Will women of my age group be able to share family responsibilities and have the room men have had to pursue careers?</p>
<p>suze, </p>
<p>I am 45 and I don’t see things being very different now than they used to be, if anything it is harder than it used to be for women/families.</p>
<p>(1) pick a field/job with an eye towards having future flexibility
(2) pick a spouse who will be the kind of dad/husband you have in mind
(3) be open minded enough to recognize that your own needs and preferences may change. Some women envision a six week maternity leave & back to work, but their mind changes when their baby arrives.</p>
<p>Re my post #1729: Here’s the article I read today that led to my comments about the happiness research – I didn’t really make it all up. :)</p>
<p>The Futile Pursuit of Happiness / New York Times Magazine
<a href=“http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9E0DEFD61538F934A3575AC0A9659C8B63&sec=health&spon=&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink[/url]”>http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9E0DEFD61538F934A3575AC0A9659C8B63&sec=health&spon=&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink</a></p>
<p>(Long article but I think worth the read)</p>
<p>
Yup and yup. I have sub’d and unsub’d federal loans, and they did magically go into deferral when I went to grad school. (It was great. I was worried about breaking through the red tape to get my forms filed on time, and voila!)</p>
<p>If a student goes straight from undergrad to grad school (ie in less than 6 months), he or she will not have to make a single loan payment until after grad school. Of course, if you’re on a stipend like I am for grad school… smarter to pay them off while you’re still in deferral!</p>
<p>calmom: I always liked Maslow’s heirarchy. As you say, studies show that the wealth effect of happiness has decreasing incremental returns after a certain level.
Your posts regarding the downsides of debt adds a good perspective also. I pointed out beforee that a former student of mine who is at a top school told me about several students who wanted to go to graduate school but needed to take “high paying” jobs because they had accrued significant undergraduate debt. Apparently the income was not enough to offest the fact that they were not happy doing what they were doing.
The points made earlier about taking on debt being a normal thing in life and part of risk taking may be true but as you point out the realities are that many people, especailly at age 20, or so are not Donald Trump. Many change their minds on majors, delay graduation and yes, even those with supposed sure thing carreers are often left in positions they never planned on. (I even know folks who have gone to HYPS who are doing minimum wage work). Also, if one really looks at the gyrations in the economy, giving certainty to the future earning power of people going into any field, may be a risky business itself. I think for some who are passionate about where they want to go to college and who understand the risks loans may be appropriate. Ultimateley, however, those same loans may take away options or only delay other loan taking such as buying a house. Each person needs to make an opportunity matrix and weigh the plusses and minuses.</p>
<p>Suze:
</p>
<p>Don’t rule out the possibility that “going for the gold” = giving to your family.</p>
<p>Suze:
No clear answer to this one. Depends who you have kids with. Depends on your career. Depends on how accepting you might be of shifts in priorities throughout life. I’d guess that for most mothers, and especially the single moms, life will continue to be about compromises.</p>
<p>“Don’t rule out the possibility that “going for the gold” = giving to your family.”</p>
<p>Well said</p>
<p>I just finished a book titled “Happiness: Lessons from a New Science” by Richard Layard, a British economist who founded a research center at the London School of Economics. He explains why the US, is spite of being perhaps the wealthiest nation across levels of its economy is also not the happiest (as measured by not only surveys, but also by things like the suicide rate). I think the Scandinavians are the happiest. He explains why more money won’t necessarily make you happy, why having more stuff doesn’t make you happier, and why constantly moving house, changing jobs and upgrading your life, on average, will not make you happier.</p>
<p>In general, whether they realize it or not, people don’t want a high turnover in jobs, housing or marriages, not do they want their businesses or public services to be constantly and repeatedly restructured, all of which lead to losses in “trust”, a much better predictor of happiness than money. The studies show that continuous reoptimization is far less likely to make you happy than is learning to settle for “good enough”. Constantly wanting or feeling the need to have the best or the most tend actually to lead to unhappiness than vice versa.</p>
<p>He explains why after a certain level of material comfort, further improvement tends not to lead to happiness. It’s the adaptibility of our psyches; the new house or the new car or clothes provide an adrenalin like rush of “happiness” but we quickly adapt, the newness wears off and then we need a fix, so we plan for the upgrade, work to afford it and go shopping to get happy. True lasting happiness comes instead from stable satifying personal relationships and a feeling of trust within our families and community, and that trust is built more upon things other than money.</p>
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</p>
<p>(I am a Trustee Scholar.) I did not explore the University Professor program. I understand it affords a lot of flexibility as far defining ones major. I have a good idea about what I want to major in. But now I will try to see if I should & can get into that program.<br>
Thanks for the suggestion.</p>
<p>For all you maximizers out there, one of the guys interviewed in the above NY Times article, Daniel Gilbert, started out as a hs dropout who by 19 was a married father selling carpet in Denver. He took a psychology course at the community college to help him sell the carpet, which led to a ug degree from Univ. of Colorado at Denver. From there he got a PHD at Princeton, taught at UT Austin and is now a professor at Harvard getting written up in the NY Times.</p>
<p>mercymom – thanks for posting that – I’ve been trying to emphasize the value of trust to my 13 year old lately – trust that comes from reliability, following through on a committment, knowing that you can be counted on to do what you say you will do. It is so very important. It really is connected to a long term happiness, though my 13 year old is more focused on her short term unhappiness right now at not getting to do everything her way . . .</p>
<p>Sorry, I haven’t been reading everything in this thread. Not sure what this all has to do with scholarships/top schools, but it is a topic (happiness/trust/quality of relationships) that we are visiting as a family right now! Teenagers really know how to bring these issues to the forefront . . .</p>