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<p>I would have had them call their parents so they can pick them up. Second of all, he shouldn’t have even been at parties where illegal activites were being committed. Not worth it if the cops were called.</p>
<p>H and I never drink at home and rarely when we go out. If we go to an upscale restaurant we will order a drink mainly so we wont appear cheap. If we are at an event we will usually get a ginger-ale or sparkling water most people assume we are drinking something alcoholic. When we first met, we liked the fact that both of us hated the taste of beer and neither of us had ever been drunk. Until D became a teenager we would keep beer and wine in the house to serve guest. When D was in middle school there were 3 incidences in our town and the neighboring town where teens had obtained alcohol at the home of friends, drove drunk and had serious accidents (w/ 2 having fatalities). </p>
<p>I dont think D drank in HS, of course I dont know for sure. One side benefit of D being a dancer is having awareness that ETOH causes weight gain, especially in the abdominal area. Although I would prefer D to be a non-drinker in college I know that is not the case. I think even if she wanted to abstain . peer pressure and the need to fit in, is too great. H and I have stressed ALL the dangers of binge drinking and we hope she heeds our advice.</p>
<p>Kids who don’t drink or smoke weed aren’t neccesarily the psychologically healthieset ones (though of course they can be perfectly fine). In fact they can be pretty screwed up. </p>
<p>There is a theory that the psychologically healthiest kids are the ones who can handle substances in moderation while the worst off are not only the abusers (obviously) but also the abstainers, who tend to be uptight, unimaginative, narrow-minded, anxiety-ridden types. (The study, BTW, is by Shedler & Block at Cal, which you can google if you like).</p>
<p>I’d never encourage underage drinking or drug use, but this sort of makes sense to me. Kids who can do the moderte dug/alcohol thing would seem to be more mature and just “grown up” than the kids at the extremes.</p>
<p>^Even if the theory is true, that doesn’t mean the abstainers would be helped by drug/alcohol use. That’s the way to dependence.</p>
<p>I admit in HS I was uptight and anxiety-ridden, but I would have been even more anxious if I were at a party and partaking of illegal substances. And I was smart enough to recognize that use of said substances might not be good for my mental or emotional development.</p>
<p>Hanna - I don’t see anything weird about that at all. Similar to your parents, my H doesn’t drink and I might have a glass or two of wine every few months. No moral issues, no alcoholism in family, just don’t like the taste. When we threw a party for our kids’ bnai mitzvah, we just had red and white wine but no full bar. It wasn’t a function of money --We spent the money on a cappuccino/ latte stand which was a huge hit and probably cost more! I could see doing a wedding with just wine or champagne.</p>
<p>Insomniatic - your surprise that hs kids might have access to beer is a bit amusing. I’m pretty confident my kids don’t drink, but come on – of course they could get access to alcohol somehow if they really wanted to. Or pot. Or any drug for that matter. When there’s a will there’s a way. Nothing new under the sun.</p>
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<p>I’m being completely serious here: The only one that is truly bothersome to me is the “anxiety-ridden.”</p>
<p>I was worried when my D first went to college, because she was so judgmental about it. She lectured me, about not lecturing her! Not judgmental anymore, and recently said “did I tell you that…” she had experimented a few times. She is almost 21.</p>
<p>BigAppleDaddy is this the research you are talking about?</p>
<p>“RAND Corporation researchers have
revisited Shedler and Blocks classic study and
have uncovered evidence that challenges those
initial findings. Kids who abstained from marijuana
through the last year of high school were
not socially or emotionally troubled. And they
had better outcomes as young adults.”</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/2007/RAND_RB9265.pdf[/url]”>http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/2007/RAND_RB9265.pdf</a></p>
<p>Key findings:
Although some consider experimenting with
marijuana normal behavior for adolescents,
those adolescents who abstain are not maladjusted
as others have reported.
Young abstainers do better than experimenters
into young adulthood.
Even strict abstainersyouth who avoid all
drugsfare well in life.
Solitary substance use is not uncommon
among youth.
Young solitary users are an overlooked
at-risk group who face a wide range of
psychosocial and behavioral diffi culties as
teens and young adults.</p>
<p>I have not looked closely at any of the original papers, and can’t vouch for their validity.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap</p>
<p>Thanks for sending on that update. I’d never seen it and I guess it will make at least some parents fell better about their abstaining kids. </p>
<p>I found it most interesting about how it looked hard at kids who use substances by themselves (as opposed to in groups) as a tip off for figuring which ones tend to later develop serious substance abuse problems. Yet that says to me that even if abstainers are not as out of joint as the first study suggested, the moderate use (as they define it) of weed in a social setting still isn’t the beginning of the slippery slope and that these kids tend to be fairly well adjusted. which is what always felt right to me. </p>
<p>like i say, i’d never encourage a teenager to drink and drug–in fact i would actually discourage it since you never know who will develop a problem and who won’t. but i guess that just like you can tell an ethical man by what he does when no one is looking, you can start to define a teen substance abuser by what he does when no one is around.</p>
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<p>Who said I was surprised?</p>
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I’ve actively discouraged it with my kids, not because I think they could develop a problem, but because the consequences are so much more severe these days.</p>
<p>If you get stopped for DUI these days you are likely to go to jail on your first offense. When I was a kid, you got slapped on the wrist if you even got arrested. Your college might kick you out of your dorm or suspend of expel you if you get caught with alcohol. My college completely buried their head in the sand and pretended alcohol didn’t exist.</p>
<p>My D has to sign a contract promising to be drug and alcohol free in order to play sports in high school. Any violation gets you kicked off the team. There was nothing like this back in my day.</p>
<p>A minor pot offense now can cost you your financial aid, and I think makes you ineligible for a large number of Federal jobs (although my state decriminalized possession of up to an ounce so this isn’t as big a worry as it was a few years ago).</p>
<p>A 15 year old girl got caught shoplifting alcohol was charged with a felony.</p>