Or maybe she was just not that into you.
We have a mixed bag. Older two did not “have” to work to contribute to college or have spending money (stepkids). the oldest, chose to as he wanted more for spending than was being offered and well, likes having control of his own money.
Next one has never had a job in her life, nor any research positions. That is not to say she doesn’t work hard, she does, at her EC. It remains to be seen what that will mean for her career wise and is of some concern to us.
The 17 year old just got his first, and second paying jobs for this summer (and managed to land them with a fractured wrist and delayed start dates). He, like the oldest, wants his own spending money and is well aware this is the last year that he will get to keep it “all” for his own and that next summers income will in part go towards his personal expenses while in college.
The 15 year old has the common sense of a flea and quite frankly would be a terrible employee for anyone at present. We are hoping that will change but I expect he may well be 2 years away from any kind of part time job. He is less motivated by money than his brother so we will see.
I have to admit, the smirk of your son amuses me. You have enabled the attitude as you have clearly realized. I guess the question becomes how much do you care to try and do anything about it to change it?
Thanks for the reply. I appreciate the information from other parents. All the replies, for the most part, have been informative and noncombative for absolutely no reason. I am not pushing my 18-year old because (1) the I’m tired factor; (2) since he is out of town for six weeks there really isn’t much time over the summer anyway.
But, I am subtle.
I printed a resume for him and it wasn’t easy filling up the page.
And that is where the teachable moment comes in. I’m going to sit down with him and show him what an amazingly lame resume, his, looks like. Then I’m going to say lots of other kids, the ones with 28 ACT scores, are out there working and getting things done and researching and interning and all that and those are the people your age that you will have to compete with.
And the message will reach its target.
He’ll be at the CC I work at in the fall. Just like his brother did and he will do fine in school, his problem is he doesn’t know what to study yet. But, so what? I’m going to let him explore college classes until he decides. I’m on the job. I’m monitoring. I’m helping that rives get back to the ocean but I’m letting him take more time than his brother got. He knows all my speeches because he was always there when I was guiding his brother so he kind of knows what I want and we just skip the whole speech and drama.
I’m writing about myself and not about a child of mine, but this is my last summer at home before starting grad school and I’m doing all I can to make money. I’ve been working at a small family business since I’ve been a teenager, so I’m putting in 40 hours a week there but am also doing things on the side. For exampe, I have two dog sitting gigs coming up in June where I’ll be staying at the people’s houses, eating some of their food (they agreed to this), and getting some extra money while working the day job. I also babysit on the weekends sometimes and have been selling some of my textbooks back on amazon for account credit (which I will use to turn around and buy my textbooks for graduate school).
All this being said, though, I think I’m going to take the month of July off and go to the beach every day and enjoy some of my last time at home for a while. I secured an extra writing center job at my grad school that I can work (minimally) in addition to my teaching assistantship, so I I know I’m going to busy!!
@GoNoles85 Given that your son has no idea what he wants to study, researching and interning doesn’t seem to make much sense other than as filler that sounds good to ???
Personally, I would vastly prefer to hire someone straight out of college that had worked a menial job for a consistent amount of time versus only academic work (research) as it would let me know that they can actually follow directions and have a work ethic independent of their field of interest and stick with something. If one can have both, that is great, but I’ll take the kid who worked at Burger King over the one who worked at his dad’s office.
Just sayin…a different and not always popular perspective on CC that values REU above all, but that isn’t for everyone or the only way to skin a cat and yes, at the end of the day, hard work can trump raw intellect, in spades.
Why would he work if he doesn’t have to? I can’t blame him for that but it also creates an entitled workforce that as an employer, I can do without. Not sure in the end you are really doing him any favors with extended time and low expectations but I can certainly appreciate the desire to skip the speech and drama!
Do be aware that at some point, older brother who was held to a higher standard may be really annoyed by all of this. I know that I, as the oldest of 6, was quite annoyed with the low expectations, enabling and extending living at home/funding the youngest got. As were my siblings. For a long time it was a bone between all the siblings. The baby of the family syndrome is real, I get it, but it can ripple in other ways.
For now, enjoy the summer with your kid 
Very creative, @harvestmoon !
I love how creative people are at finding markets (dog sitting, selling books back to get credits, etc.). Every buck counts. I also like the “save your brain” approach of finding time to totally and completely chill before the grind starts again in the Fall. Summer is special. It is not a race or competition but I do think one has to compete. I think comparison to one’s age group is more good than bad.
My 18 year old, for example. I have absolutely no problem making it clear to him he is behind the curve, in some respects, compared to the high achievers. I want him to shoot for the top 20% kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sending that message that you have to run harder. Maybe not this summer but being behind the curve is not going to cut it permanently. I think it is part of the parent’s job to push and nudge, as needed.
Our kids had to get jobs when they turned 16 to pay their insurance, gas, and spending money. Each insisted that no way, no how, were they ever going to work at McDonald’s. We gave them a one month grace period (give or take a few weeks) to find a job they would be happy with, and if they didn’t get one, they were being driven to McDonald’s.
Three kids, three McDonald’s “careers.” (Very) part-time during the academic year from the age of 16 and almost full-time summers following freshman and sophomore years and sometimes on holiday breaks. Whatever hours they needed, they got. Whatever time off they needed, they got. It could have been worse. They all grumbled, but they have a lot of laughs now when they get together and remember how awful it was (and still is for kid #3).
The upside is that they all learned what they did not want to do for the rest of their lives… 
I’m sorry to keep popping in on this thread. I’d rather let it breath a little but what the heck.
@3rdXsTheCharm you seem to have mastered the art of negotiation and compromise. Ask for a lot and then settle for whatever you can get. Ah, parenting. I didn’t ask for any of this. This is not what I signed up for!
I particular like something you said though. You handled it perfectly, IMHO. Here is the goal (get a job). I’ll let you find a job but if you can’t you have to do such and such. Perfect. Now it is up to them to try to do better than MCD! You had a goal, a deadline and clear cut consequences. Well done.
Sure, interning and researching might be pointless since he doesn’t have a degree plan or career plan in my mind. I see your point. He will be 19 soon. He gets gas money and haircut money from his mom. So, for now, there is balance. His entire life I have been accused by his mom and his older brother of favoring him. It is a running joke in our household and the humor defuses any real hard feelings. But, there are only four of us. You were the oldest of 6. Let me guess, your parents were REALLY tired by the time #6 showed up for dinner one day, am I right?
There is a funny commercial out there. The baby sitter shows up. The mom gives her a long list of rules and cautions before leaving. Time lapse. The sitter shows up again. This time the mom hands her the third and fourth kids and basically says “hey, good luck” and is out the door.
We’ve all been there.
I wish I could remember the product being advertised.
I think, with only two kids, the baby syndrome wasn’t too bad for us. I’m guessing maybe in your scenario it was quite a bit more involved. I feel for you :-). I appreciate your openness and honesty.
@GoNoles85 No. I don’t think they were tired at all. I just think they had a lot more money available when it came down to #6 and I don’t think it did her any favors.
You say no hard feelings and the humor diffuses it but jokes do not happen without some real sentiment underneath. I can tell you that my stepkids bio mom clearly favors one…the one without a job…the one the mom prefer would not have a job as it would distract from her studies. I don’t think she is doing her daughter any favors and I know for a fact it is noticed by the other child. And the younger step siblings for that matter. Do we joke about it? Sure. Does it hurt the kids any less that there are different standards? Nope.
At any rate you seem to be fine with where things are at, I just wouldn’t expect him to magically want to get a job on his own as that seems a bit unlikely at best. I’d like to think I want the same out of all my kids regardless of where they are in the birth order. It may not be how it happens for many or most but I believe it doesn’t have to be all work and no play for #1 and zero responsibility for #2. There is a happy medium somewhere. My 15 year old isn’t getting off the hook or the easy train simply because he is last. He may not have the attitude or the aptitude of some of the other kids but he will get a job, it’s really not an option not to as far as I am concerned.
You’d be amazed at what you can learn working at a McDonalds.
As with most things, pushing yourself to get a job is a matter of incentive. Our kids didn’t work during high school but we consistently warned them that the day they graduate, there would be no more spending money from us. It was just matter-of-fact, no anger or threats, they were adequately forewarned of something that was going to happen and that they could prepare for if they so chose. One child didn’t work until she got to college and then held a couple of jobs at a time in order to finance her extra expenses, which was fine with us, while the other one did work the summer after high school because he was going to a tough college and wanted time to acclimate before having to add in a job. Either way was fine, but they knew way in advance that beyond putting them through college, we were no longer financing their lives, and thus they had the incentive to get out there and work.
My son is delivering pizzas this summer. Applied at several other places but none wanted to hire a college student home for the summer. He tried to get college related jobs but those proved illusive for freshman (few friends have unpaid research positions and others have jobs where mom or dad work). Yesterday they had him cleaning garbage cans before he left because deliveries were slow. Pay is good (well above minimum wage with tips). Having a sucky job is a good thing. Helps remind him he doesn’t want sucky jobs.
He is also supposed to work as an instructor at a computer camp for two weeks. Owner is somewhat flaky though so I am not convinced that will pan out. Will fly him to Georgia for two weeks, pay him and provide room/board. He will love that job if it comes to pass.
I gave my kids a decent allowance when they started high school because both of them had demanding ECs, but once they were out of high school I told my kids for them to continue to get an allowance from me they had to have a job. They tutored and babysat before they could get any meaningful internship. D1 was making $75/hr tutoring and D2 was making $15-$20/hr babysitting. D2’s babysitting job led to a job at a publishing company (the mother was a part owner). D2 had an open invitation to work at the company whenever she was available. Both of my kids had jobs on campus while going to college. For D2, it led to summer internships in the field of her interest, and those internships helped her get a job after graduation.
It is important for students to have job experience, whether it’s flipping burgers or highly sought after internship. Most employers are reluctant to hire people without ANY work experience. FYI - my kids knew I wouldn’t give them extra money for haircut, going out, or anything extra outside of their allowance (if they didn’t work, they also didn’t get any allowance). I never had to nag to get them to work.
My D, 19, found out at the very end of April, just as she was starting finals, that the day camp she worked at the last two summers was downsizing, and she no longer had a job there. She managed to save a lot of money from working there, although it was a 40+ hour week job, so it was tough to have much of a typical high school teen summer. So while she was sort of relieved she’s not doing that again, she wasn’t thrilled to back looking for a a job. She applied to at least 20 jobs in her first week home from college about a month ago. She landed one of the jobs, at a clothing store at the mall, and is at her second day on the job right now. She wasn’t awfully excited after the first day, which mainly consisted of checking customers into dressing rooms and putting away endless amounts of rejected clothing. Plus, they actually lock up employees cell phones.
Her incentive is buying a car. I told her I would pay half, so I think she will probably stick it out this summer and hope for a camp job next year. She’s going into elementary or special education so working at the camp has been good preparation.
ShawD worked in jobs every semester and summer of a five year BSN/MSN program (classes and jobs in summer asd well) that she just graduated from (will soon turn 23. She’s going to take three months traveling in SE Asia and then will look for a job. She passed her national boards last week and today sent me info on the real estate market in Portland, OR. She’s thinking about renting out the condo that we own for a year and living with us until she decides what city to work in, which seems like a very responsible financial move but may not be good for her.
ShawSon is working on two startups and taking a summer course in Convex Optimization as part of his graduate program. I think one of the two startups will get the effort in the short run. He has chosen not to look for or take fairly lucrative summer job opportunities in Silicon Valley. So, we are funding expenses in the short-run. But, he’s been having some health issues that have reduced his energy and so looking for a job on top of school (while pushing forward startups) would have been tough.
What’s up with traveling to SE asia? It must be a “thing” with college kids these days. My college grad and friends left for SE Asia the day after the commencement. She said when she got there, there were many fellow grads from her college. Three weeks there and five weeks Europe. Will start grad school in the fall. Between back home and the fall, she has a job at the grad school.
Two words for the kids: Roth IRA!
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My kids worked both during the school year and in the summer months when in HS. Taught them responsibility, time management, interpersonal skills, etc. They did computer maintenance and repair, managed a few small company’s computer systems, they were camp counselors (day camp/science camp and later , when in college, sleep away camp) and one did retail (fast food and supermarket work). Made them realize the importance of their education, and they are both doing very well and are gainfully employed. And yes, they both had Roth IRAS as soon as they had income, and while one joked, when in college, that he was the only one he knew who was a college kid with a Roth IRA. Now that they are older, they greatly appreciate the early savings and the benefit of compound interest.
As an aside, we recently hosted a farewell party for some friends. One couple in attendance was a former client of one of our son’s computer repair business many years ago. The husband went on and on about how polite as well as knowledgeable and helpful our son was, and expected that now he probably was he head of some computer or startup company! It is very important to remember that the work these kids do, and the way they come across can leave lasting impressions on people, and you never know in the future who might know who, and how that could be of assistance. That isn’t the case for our sons, as they live across country, but it was a pleasure to hear such accolades from a customer and to hear what a positive experience they had and how kind, polite and helpful our then HS’er was. Makes a parent proud.
Fwiw I HATE, HATE, HATE my job at the small business and am grossly overqualified for it, but like other people mentioned, working a job you hate inspires you to do well in school and eventually get one that you love.
So whether it’s McDonald’s or a small business or a farm or a garbage collecting agency, it can definitely build character (while simultaneously making you depressed, but whatever).