still waiting for those who think this was bullying to clarify for me the difference between just teasing someone, insulting someone and bullying. Do those that think this was bullying see no difference?
Post 204 cites an area that I already posted. I saw nothing there about potential remarks as bullying.
And lastly, while I can't speak for others, I see a difference between inappropriate and bullying. In fact, that is the difference I am trying to demonstrate. Let me be clear- I am not defending inappropriate or even unkind remarks. I'm saying a one-time insult does not rise to the level of bullying.
I don't think the kid in the OP was teasing in a friendly way at all, though it would be interesting if OP's D had responded with something about sending him back over the border or something (as he's apparently part Hispanic) and knowing how he reacted to that. If it was with good humor, perhaps they could be said to be teasing each other.
Thanks for the link Carolina mom. Just read the entire link and by the definitions you just linked us to, it is my opinion that this incident is not bullying.
Kchendds....I'm glad that your daughter did not say anything to provoke or insult this kid. I said in my post that I was not insinuating she did, I was merely asking unanswered questions. May I ask politely what preceded the offensive statement?
An excellent point, Ohmom, (post 206) none of us were there to hear what preceded the comment, the context, or what conversation may have followed; although we do know since then the boy has apologized and the girl has accepted the apology. Without having an objective, fuller context, I am hesitant to define it as rising to the level of bullying.
This definition includes the potential for repeated behavior .http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/definition/
Of course none of use were present to hear the interchange. No way to know what was said without someone at the school assessing the situation. As I said before , look into and if it is determined not to be bullying, then it wasn't bullying. Why assume it wasn't without looking into it?
I saw that one definition too, carolinamom, but as I said, I saw many others that did not mention potential for bullying. How does one define potential for repeated behavior? I can see if a kid has done bullying 4 other times(for example) that he has potential for more. BUT if he's already done it 4 times he has already established a pattern. Do we say that any kid or any adult that has ever said an inappropriate or insulting remark has demonstrated a potential for bullying? Isn't that awfully broad?
If the D were to go to school authorities and report the incident fully, what would she say? Would she say that boy "threatened" if Trump was elected the Feds would deport her, but she knows that isn't legal because she's an American citizen? Wouldn't the authority figure then say-- well, his comment was rude, but since you know you cannot be legally deported, how exactly was it threatening, even if we assume Trump will be elected?
Personally, I don't want bullies given the benefit of the doubt. But in this case, I don't see enough to be convinced this boy was in fact a bully to Op's daughter. He sure was rude, unthinking, inappropriate, and eventually apologetic though.
So somebody takes your lunch money once, they are not a bully? Or uses a homophobic slur? Or shoves you into a locker? I do not see how doing something to intimidate another person once vs 10 times makes a difference in whether somebody is a bully. A rapist is a rapist the first (or only) time they do it. So is a bully.
I guess that's the good thing . It's not up to us to be convinced , it's up to the school administration to be convinced after looking into the situation where both sides are thoroughly evaluated .
Younghoss, I'm struggling to believe that you're serious. Does it MATTER whether the D is actually a legal citizen and can't legally be deported? It's not legal to lynch people, but THAT certainly was threatened and actually carried out in our past. A close relative of my H's had to leave town in the middle of the night because he'd been seen with a white woman and lynching was threatened. But WAIT! It wasn't LEGAL so he was SAFE, right? Because it isn't a threat unless it's legal to do it?? Are you kidding me? Or maybe, just that one time, wouldn't make the person doing the threatening a bully. Only after the second lynching.
It wasn't legal to send Jewish people to camps in Germany-they were legal citizens, after all. Until it WAS legal. In this country, Japanese citizens were full legal citizens with the freedom to move about-until they lost that right. Saying that you hope a non-white person is deported is a slur against them, because who knows if someone will actually TRY to make it legal to do so. A local town leader recently had to step down for trying to get a map of where all the LEGAL CITIZEN Muslims in his town lived-you know, in case "something" happened. But it was LEGAL so no harm, right?
We've already seen attacks against LEGAL citizens by followers of certain candidates for merely having a different opinion. We've seen physical violence against them. How is saying you hope a person is thrown out of the country not some kind of threat? We've seen what these followers are willing to do.
The justifying for the racism and bullying on this thread is mind-boggling.
Do people really think that it is racist for someone to say they hope certain laws will be enforced? I think the fact that the OP's kid is legally here makes a big difference.
@bhs1978 it was the national anthem being played during a movie in class and daughter didn't stand up when the teacher played the movie the second time . The guy made that comment to D for that but almost half the class didn't stand up though.
@soccerguy315 "I think the fact that the OP's kid is legally here makes a big difference."
Actually, that makes it WORSE. Clearly the person making the comment was basing it on the daughter's LOOKS, and not her actual legal right to be here. The likelihood that he'd say the same to a Caucasian immigrant from say, Poland, is pretty small. All this talk of deportation is not being aimed at those who look like us. It's being directed as non-whites, just like the OP's bully did.
I agree then that it was unprovoked however I still don't believe it was bullying. Why didn't she want to stand up? She is an American Citizen. He does appear to be a jerk but we are losing a lot of patriotism in this country and it appears that he was equally offended by her apparent disrespect for our country. Please don't take that the wrong way. I'm not personally saying she was being disrespectful but as I said before I like to see things from all sides and can see how he was also offended.
Why didn't she want to stand up? She is an American Citizen. He does appear to be a jerk but we are losing a lot of patriotism in this country and it appears that he was equally offended by her apparent disrespect for our country.
So who commissioned him to police others' patriotism?
Also, this level of scrutinizing and busybodying over the perceived patriotic or lack thereof of others is something I'd expect from a tinpot dictatorship where mindless patriotism is mandatory or else.....not the good old US of A where yes....it may be distasteful...but one has the Constitutional right to not make outward appearances of patriotism.
If that's the kid's motivation, that makes my impression of him WORSE...not better.
I didn't say that I stand for the national anthem in a movie nor did I say her daughter should. The point is half the class did, and apparently this guy was offended. I also said he was a jerk. The point is they were both offended in this instance. He handled it poorly and apparently the OP's daughter while offended handled it better. Why is it ok for her to be offended and not him. I've said throughout this entire thread that I try to understand both sides of a situation. Sorry if that offends you Carolina mom.
Replies to: Racist comments from a male senior, what should we do?
Post 204 cites an area that I already posted. I saw nothing there about potential remarks as bullying.
And lastly, while I can't speak for others, I see a difference between inappropriate and bullying. In fact, that is the difference I am trying to demonstrate. Let me be clear- I am not defending inappropriate or even unkind remarks. I'm saying a one-time insult does not rise to the level of bullying.
I don't think the kid in the OP was teasing in a friendly way at all, though it would be interesting if OP's D had responded with something about sending him back over the border or something (as he's apparently part Hispanic) and knowing how he reacted to that. If it was with good humor, perhaps they could be said to be teasing each other.
Kchendds....I'm glad that your daughter did not say anything to provoke or insult this kid. I said in my post that I was not insinuating she did, I was merely asking unanswered questions. May I ask politely what preceded the offensive statement?
Of course none of use were present to hear the interchange. No way to know what was said without someone at the school assessing the situation. As I said before , look into and if it is determined not to be bullying, then it wasn't bullying. Why assume it wasn't without looking into it?
Personally, I don't want bullies given the benefit of the doubt. But in this case, I don't see enough to be convinced this boy was in fact a bully to Op's daughter. He sure was rude, unthinking, inappropriate, and eventually apologetic though.
It wasn't legal to send Jewish people to camps in Germany-they were legal citizens, after all. Until it WAS legal. In this country, Japanese citizens were full legal citizens with the freedom to move about-until they lost that right. Saying that you hope a non-white person is deported is a slur against them, because who knows if someone will actually TRY to make it legal to do so. A local town leader recently had to step down for trying to get a map of where all the LEGAL CITIZEN Muslims in his town lived-you know, in case "something" happened. But it was LEGAL so no harm, right?
We've already seen attacks against LEGAL citizens by followers of certain candidates for merely having a different opinion. We've seen physical violence against them. How is saying you hope a person is thrown out of the country not some kind of threat? We've seen what these followers are willing to do.
The justifying for the racism and bullying on this thread is mind-boggling.
Actually, that makes it WORSE. Clearly the person making the comment was basing it on the daughter's LOOKS, and not her actual legal right to be here. The likelihood that he'd say the same to a Caucasian immigrant from say, Poland, is pretty small. All this talk of deportation is not being aimed at those who look like us. It's being directed as non-whites, just like the OP's bully did.
So who commissioned him to police others' patriotism?
Also, this level of scrutinizing and busybodying over the perceived patriotic or lack thereof of others is something I'd expect from a tinpot dictatorship where mindless patriotism is mandatory or else.....not the good old US of A where yes....it may be distasteful...but one has the Constitutional right to not make outward appearances of patriotism.
If that's the kid's motivation, that makes my impression of him WORSE...not better.