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To those who feel lonely/homesick/friendless/think they chose the wrong school, etc...

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Replies to: To those who feel lonely/homesick/friendless/think they chose the wrong school, etc...

  • privatebankerprivatebanker 5273 replies77 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Good thread
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  • LegitimatelyrichLegitimatelyrich 9 replies0 threadsRegistered User New Member
    Good content :)
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  • LindagafLindagaf 9232 replies495 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Thought I would share what I posted on another thread, because it might help others who are still struggling but are no longer freshmen:

    "My kid, a rising junior at a small LAC, had a very hard time initially settling into college as a freshman, but finally started meeting people when she stopped caring quite so much. She did have a bad initial experience with one group of girls in the beginning that set her confidence back. There were a couple of girls she really didn't like in that group, one of whom I'll call Anna. Anna and another girl seemed to make this group worse for my D, and D drifted away from that group and finally found good friends.

    During sophomore year, D saw Anna regularly because of mutual friends. Fast forward to yesterday, when D spent the day in another state visiting Anna and a couple of other college friends, because actually Anna is "pretty cool" and D now realizes that so much of her initial bad experieince was due to her own preconceived notions of college being "the best four years of her life", and seeing that all of her high school friends were (allegedly) having a great time, according to Snapchat and Instagram."

    Be open to everything, because it's possible that your initial impressions of someone are not entirely justified. That person who you aren't wild about now might introduce you to others who could end up being your friends. And remember that there are other ways of meeting people than just by going to class and joining clubs. Volunteer, or get involved with the campus ministry, or get a job on campus. Those are all great ways to meet people.
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  • CupCakeMuffinsCupCakeMuffins 816 replies78 threadsRegistered User Member
    edited July 2018
    What are the biggest contributors of home sickness?

    Is their any co-relation between harsh winter and home sickness or its all the same as sunny areas? Same way, is it any better at cities with lots to do vs sleepy suburbs or rural college towns? Does student feel less lonely at smaller colleges or is it better at mega universities? Is it less if home is two hours drive/$30 feul or as bad as it is at a campus 8 flying hours/$400 ticket away. Is it easier if you have 15 classmates going there or if you don't know a single soul? Is it any better if school is affordable and leaving money for return tickets vs if you are barely meeting cost of attendence and have no leftovers for eating out or train ticket to home. Is home sickness lower if you are academically among top 20% or higher if you are at bottom 20%.

    If a student is not settling in after using all methods and resources available, when is a good time to tell this is probably not the right place for him to prosper? What are the main reasons students transfer?
    edited July 2018
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  • LindagafLindagaf 9232 replies495 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Dont asdume there will be a problem. There isn't just one answer to all your questions @CupCakeMuffins . Take away all of the question marks, and most of your questions become answers. Maybe for one kid, being 8 hours away from home is just too much. Maybe for another kid, lack of spending money is an issue. For another kid, a big city is hard to get used to, for another, a rural school seems too small. There can literally be dozens of reasons why any one student feels lonely or upset.

    That isn't the point of this post though. The point is that in about a month, we will see many posts which will all have something in common: the student is having a tough time, but it's normal, and they mostly all get through it.

    As for your last question, when to call it quits, I guess you'll know when you know.
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  • CupCakeMuffinsCupCakeMuffins 816 replies78 threadsRegistered User Member
    edited July 2018
    I'll remain hopeful that most kids will find their way and if not, they can always transfer. Nothing is more important than their well being.
    edited July 2018
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  • wisteria100wisteria100 4203 replies47 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    @CupCakeMuffins I think you pose some interesting questions, but as @Lindagaf says, something that makes one unhappy may make another happy. Still, I think it would make for an interesting and informative research project for some industrious psych major!
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  • CupCakeMuffinsCupCakeMuffins 816 replies78 threadsRegistered User Member
    edited July 2018
    I get it that what makes one happy, may not work for next person or vice versa. However, which factors puts some campuses on happy list while others on list for highest number of mental health issues or suicide rate? What are common external factors among unhappy students?
    edited July 2018
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  • LindagafLindagaf 9232 replies495 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Good question, but again, who knows? External factors could range from anything to financial concerns to family issues. I suggest you post a separate thread, @CupCakeMuffins . This thread is all about understanding that you are not alone. Your questions, while worth considering elsewhere, are derailing this thread.
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  • CupCakeMuffinsCupCakeMuffins 816 replies78 threadsRegistered User Member
    edited July 2018
    No problem. Thank you for the reply. I can see your point. Its a very useful and comforting thread.
    edited July 2018
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  • paoluchsingerpaoluchsinger 72 replies5 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    I’m in the same boat right now except I’m a rising junior. I never thought it would be so hard to find like minded people who I just naturally click with. Hopefully this year wil be better since I’m studying abroad in Spain spring semester which will be such an amazing experience. Right now I’m trying to change my attitude and put myself out there more even if it’s difficult at first. I guess I shouldn’t take rejection so personally especially since I probably won’t ever see most of these people again after graduation. I was one of those who was misled into believing college is the best time of ones life but hopefully the best is yet to come. Good luck to all!
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  • desertgirldesertgirl 2 replies1 threadsRegistered User New Member
    Thank you, I came back to my home state after being away for two years, and I find myself having trouble making new friends, as of right now I really only have my high school friends, which they are great but I'd like to open my circle more. I posted more about it on my page asking for advice so if you could check it out and give me some tips I'd really appreciate it!
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  • LindagafLindagaf 9232 replies495 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    If any students reading this are afraid of putting themselves out there, please read this post by a new freshman who took some offered advice to heart. You can start at post #20.
    https://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2100675-i-ve-been-in-college-for-more-than-a-month-now-and-haven-t-found-friends.html#latest
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  • wisconsingirl78wisconsingirl78 1 replies0 threadsRegistered User New Member
    Best thing I've read!
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  • hgrad2010hgrad2010 133 replies0 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    Everyone has had really great suggestions, but in my experience the easiest way I connected with people was participating in extracurricular clubs that are time intensive and necessitate collaboration of some sort. Think clubs that organize conferences, for example.
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  • LindagafLindagaf 9232 replies495 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Wow, how great is this???!!! It's an update from Emery, the girl who made that wonderful video on page 1 of this thread!
    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/09/well/family/advice-from-a-formerly-lonely-college-student.html

    I encourage all students who feel lonely, friendless, homesick and/or who think they chose the wrong school to please read this. You will get through this time, and you are not alone.
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  • basitq14basitq14 21 replies12 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    Thanks so much for the encouragement
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  • ReligiousdudeReligiousdude 15 replies2 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    Really nice post, it's already helping me.
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