Lindagaf8973 replies485 discussionsRegistered UserPosts: 9,458Senior Member
Thought I would share what I posted on another thread, because it might help others who are still struggling but are no longer freshmen:
"My kid, a rising junior at a small LAC, had a very hard time initially settling into college as a freshman, but finally started meeting people when she stopped caring quite so much. She did have a bad initial experience with one group of girls in the beginning that set her confidence back. There were a couple of girls she really didn't like in that group, one of whom I'll call Anna. Anna and another girl seemed to make this group worse for my D, and D drifted away from that group and finally found good friends.
During sophomore year, D saw Anna regularly because of mutual friends. Fast forward to yesterday, when D spent the day in another state visiting Anna and a couple of other college friends, because actually Anna is "pretty cool" and D now realizes that so much of her initial bad experieince was due to her own preconceived notions of college being "the best four years of her life", and seeing that all of her high school friends were (allegedly) having a great time, according to Snapchat and Instagram."
Be open to everything, because it's possible that your initial impressions of someone are not entirely justified. That person who you aren't wild about now might introduce you to others who could end up being your friends. And remember that there are other ways of meeting people than just by going to class and joining clubs. Volunteer, or get involved with the campus ministry, or get a job on campus. Those are all great ways to meet people.
What are the biggest contributors of home sickness?
Is their any co-relation between harsh winter and home sickness or its all the same as sunny areas? Same way, is it any better at cities with lots to do vs sleepy suburbs or rural college towns? Does student feel less lonely at smaller colleges or is it better at mega universities? Is it less if home is two hours drive/$30 feul or as bad as it is at a campus 8 flying hours/$400 ticket away. Is it easier if you have 15 classmates going there or if you don't know a single soul? Is it any better if school is affordable and leaving money for return tickets vs if you are barely meeting cost of attendence and have no leftovers for eating out or train ticket to home. Is home sickness lower if you are academically among top 20% or higher if you are at bottom 20%.
If a student is not settling in after using all methods and resources available, when is a good time to tell this is probably not the right place for him to prosper? What are the main reasons students transfer?
Lindagaf8973 replies485 discussionsRegistered UserPosts: 9,458Senior Member
Dont asdume there will be a problem. There isn't just one answer to all your questions @CupCakeMuffins . Take away all of the question marks, and most of your questions become answers. Maybe for one kid, being 8 hours away from home is just too much. Maybe for another kid, lack of spending money is an issue. For another kid, a big city is hard to get used to, for another, a rural school seems too small. There can literally be dozens of reasons why any one student feels lonely or upset.
That isn't the point of this post though. The point is that in about a month, we will see many posts which will all have something in common: the student is having a tough time, but it's normal, and they mostly all get through it.
As for your last question, when to call it quits, I guess you'll know when you know.
wisteria1004165 replies47 discussionsRegistered UserPosts: 4,212Senior Member
@CupCakeMuffins I think you pose some interesting questions, but as @Lindagaf says, something that makes one unhappy may make another happy. Still, I think it would make for an interesting and informative research project for some industrious psych major!
I get it that what makes one happy, may not work for next person or vice versa. However, which factors puts some campuses on happy list while others on list for highest number of mental health issues or suicide rate? What are common external factors among unhappy students?
Lindagaf8973 replies485 discussionsRegistered UserPosts: 9,458Senior Member
Good question, but again, who knows? External factors could range from anything to financial concerns to family issues. I suggest you post a separate thread, @CupCakeMuffins . This thread is all about understanding that you are not alone. Your questions, while worth considering elsewhere, are derailing this thread.
paoluchsinger72 replies5 discussionsRegistered UserPosts: 77Junior Member
I’m in the same boat right now except I’m a rising junior. I never thought it would be so hard to find like minded people who I just naturally click with. Hopefully this year wil be better since I’m studying abroad in Spain spring semester which will be such an amazing experience. Right now I’m trying to change my attitude and put myself out there more even if it’s difficult at first. I guess I shouldn’t take rejection so personally especially since I probably won’t ever see most of these people again after graduation. I was one of those who was misled into believing college is the best time of ones life but hopefully the best is yet to come. Good luck to all!
NorthernMom614090 replies29 discussionsRegistered UserPosts: 4,119Senior Member
If young people could let go of the concept that college is supposed to be the best time of their lives, then they might weather the ups and downs of college relationships better. Seriously, I'd be desperate and a mess if everything after the age of 22 was supposed to be past the best time of my life. There has been a lot of good stuff in my life since the age of 22, and even at 57, I hope more great things to come.
desertgirl2 replies1 discussionsRegistered UserPosts: 3New Member
Thank you, I came back to my home state after being away for two years, and I find myself having trouble making new friends, as of right now I really only have my high school friends, which they are great but I'd like to open my circle more. I posted more about it on my page asking for advice so if you could check it out and give me some tips I'd really appreciate it!
You just started college 3 weeks ago and feel homesick/depressed.
Your home is new.
Your friends are new.
Your school is new.
Your teachers are new.
Your classes are new.
Your room is new.
Your schedule is new.
Even your food is new.
This is a lot to get used to!
Many students feel this way! This is why colleges have orientations...to help you get used to these things.
So you went to orientation and were excited! Met people! This seems like fun!
But then the grind of classes has started. and you are feeling homesick. Probably because you don't have mom nudgin you to do your homework, Dad asking how sports/chess/band was, Sis making faces at you, your friends chatting with you...your comfy bed.
But soon your new bed will feel like home, you will have friends to hang out with, and Dad and Mom can ask you about school on your weekly call with them.
Maybe you don't have enough friends yet...if there hasn't been an activity fair yet, look out for it...go find out about different clubs/activities. SIgn up for a few and see which ones you like.
Maybe form a study group with some people in your classes to have some people to do homework with.
Sometimes, you have more anxiety/depression than the average student. Your college knows that this will happen, so they have a counseling center. Make an appointment there or get a friend to go with you. They may be able to help you. There may be a group of students in the same boat as you. They may have to refer you to an outside doctor if they feel you have a diagnosable issue such as depression or anxiety.
hgrad2010133 replies0 discussionsRegistered UserPosts: 133Junior Member
Everyone has had really great suggestions, but in my experience the easiest way I connected with people was participating in extracurricular clubs that are time intensive and necessitate collaboration of some sort. Think clubs that organize conferences, for example.
I encourage all students who feel lonely, friendless, homesick and/or who think they chose the wrong school to please read this. You will get through this time, and you are not alone.
Replies to: To those who feel lonely/homesick/friendless/think they chose the wrong school, etc...
"My kid, a rising junior at a small LAC, had a very hard time initially settling into college as a freshman, but finally started meeting people when she stopped caring quite so much. She did have a bad initial experience with one group of girls in the beginning that set her confidence back. There were a couple of girls she really didn't like in that group, one of whom I'll call Anna. Anna and another girl seemed to make this group worse for my D, and D drifted away from that group and finally found good friends.
During sophomore year, D saw Anna regularly because of mutual friends. Fast forward to yesterday, when D spent the day in another state visiting Anna and a couple of other college friends, because actually Anna is "pretty cool" and D now realizes that so much of her initial bad experieince was due to her own preconceived notions of college being "the best four years of her life", and seeing that all of her high school friends were (allegedly) having a great time, according to Snapchat and Instagram."
Be open to everything, because it's possible that your initial impressions of someone are not entirely justified. That person who you aren't wild about now might introduce you to others who could end up being your friends. And remember that there are other ways of meeting people than just by going to class and joining clubs. Volunteer, or get involved with the campus ministry, or get a job on campus. Those are all great ways to meet people.
Is their any co-relation between harsh winter and home sickness or its all the same as sunny areas? Same way, is it any better at cities with lots to do vs sleepy suburbs or rural college towns? Does student feel less lonely at smaller colleges or is it better at mega universities? Is it less if home is two hours drive/$30 feul or as bad as it is at a campus 8 flying hours/$400 ticket away. Is it easier if you have 15 classmates going there or if you don't know a single soul? Is it any better if school is affordable and leaving money for return tickets vs if you are barely meeting cost of attendence and have no leftovers for eating out or train ticket to home. Is home sickness lower if you are academically among top 20% or higher if you are at bottom 20%.
If a student is not settling in after using all methods and resources available, when is a good time to tell this is probably not the right place for him to prosper? What are the main reasons students transfer?
That isn't the point of this post though. The point is that in about a month, we will see many posts which will all have something in common: the student is having a tough time, but it's normal, and they mostly all get through it.
As for your last question, when to call it quits, I guess you'll know when you know.
Your home is new.
Your friends are new.
Your school is new.
Your teachers are new.
Your classes are new.
Your room is new.
Your schedule is new.
Even your food is new.
This is a lot to get used to!
Many students feel this way! This is why colleges have orientations...to help you get used to these things.
So you went to orientation and were excited! Met people! This seems like fun!
But then the grind of classes has started. and you are feeling homesick. Probably because you don't have mom nudgin you to do your homework, Dad asking how sports/chess/band was, Sis making faces at you, your friends chatting with you...your comfy bed.
But soon your new bed will feel like home, you will have friends to hang out with, and Dad and Mom can ask you about school on your weekly call with them.
Maybe you don't have enough friends yet...if there hasn't been an activity fair yet, look out for it...go find out about different clubs/activities. SIgn up for a few and see which ones you like.
Maybe form a study group with some people in your classes to have some people to do homework with.
Here are other ideas on making friends:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1808143-having-trouble-adjusting-to-college-making-friends-top-10-things-to-do.html
Sometimes, you have more anxiety/depression than the average student. Your college knows that this will happen, so they have a counseling center. Make an appointment there or get a friend to go with you. They may be able to help you. There may be a group of students in the same boat as you. They may have to refer you to an outside doctor if they feel you have a diagnosable issue such as depression or anxiety.
https://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2100675-i-ve-been-in-college-for-more-than-a-month-now-and-haven-t-found-friends.html#latest
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/09/well/family/advice-from-a-formerly-lonely-college-student.html
I encourage all students who feel lonely, friendless, homesick and/or who think they chose the wrong school to please read this. You will get through this time, and you are not alone.