I’m in the same boat right now except I’m a rising junior. I never thought it would be so hard to find like minded people who I just naturally click with. Hopefully this year wil be better since I’m studying abroad in Spain spring semester which will be such an amazing experience. Right now I’m trying to change my attitude and put myself out there more even if it’s difficult at first. I guess I shouldn’t take rejection so personally especially since I probably won’t ever see most of these people again after graduation. I was one of those who was misled into believing college is the best time of ones life but hopefully the best is yet to come. Good luck to all!
NorthernMom61Registered UserPosts: 4,088Senior Member
If young people could let go of the concept that college is supposed to be the best time of their lives, then they might weather the ups and downs of college relationships better. Seriously, I'd be desperate and a mess if everything after the age of 22 was supposed to be past the best time of my life. There has been a lot of good stuff in my life since the age of 22, and even at 57, I hope more great things to come.
Thank you, I came back to my home state after being away for two years, and I find myself having trouble making new friends, as of right now I really only have my high school friends, which they are great but I'd like to open my circle more. I posted more about it on my page asking for advice so if you could check it out and give me some tips I'd really appreciate it!
You just started college 3 weeks ago and feel homesick/depressed.
Your home is new.
Your friends are new.
Your school is new.
Your teachers are new.
Your classes are new.
Your room is new.
Your schedule is new.
Even your food is new.
This is a lot to get used to!
Many students feel this way! This is why colleges have orientations...to help you get used to these things.
So you went to orientation and were excited! Met people! This seems like fun!
But then the grind of classes has started. and you are feeling homesick. Probably because you don't have mom nudgin you to do your homework, Dad asking how sports/chess/band was, Sis making faces at you, your friends chatting with you...your comfy bed.
But soon your new bed will feel like home, you will have friends to hang out with, and Dad and Mom can ask you about school on your weekly call with them.
Maybe you don't have enough friends yet...if there hasn't been an activity fair yet, look out for it...go find out about different clubs/activities. SIgn up for a few and see which ones you like.
Maybe form a study group with some people in your classes to have some people to do homework with.
Sometimes, you have more anxiety/depression than the average student. Your college knows that this will happen, so they have a counseling center. Make an appointment there or get a friend to go with you. They may be able to help you. There may be a group of students in the same boat as you. They may have to refer you to an outside doctor if they feel you have a diagnosable issue such as depression or anxiety.
Everyone has had really great suggestions, but in my experience the easiest way I connected with people was participating in extracurricular clubs that are time intensive and necessitate collaboration of some sort. Think clubs that organize conferences, for example.
I encourage all students who feel lonely, friendless, homesick and/or who think they chose the wrong school to please read this. You will get through this time, and you are not alone.
I'm still very much friendless and lonely at Bard College after three years which was partially fueled by a horrendous roommate experience my freshman year, but in 17 days I'm going abroad for a semester to Madrid, Spain. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm the only person from my school who's going to Spain so that's gonna be fun. Hopefully people there will be much more open minded.
In my case it took me two whole years to finally feel at ease and not homesick. But by Senior year I was so happy and terribly sad to leave! It just takes time! And not giving up unless one really feels such a great need to be near home and emotions are so bad that mental or physical health is impaired. In those cases of course it is important to go where one has support. Best wishes to all.
Nice post @Elsa . I’ve seen a new crop of posts on this forum from kids who are still having a tough time. It might take longer than expected before you feel good about your college. I recently spoke to a friend who hated his entire first year of college. He went back for sophomore year because of finances and still hated it, until spring semester. He now realizes that he had some growing up to do and that the problem was him, not the college and not the other students. He decided it was time to make the best of things and enjoyed the rest of his time in college. He still has lifelong friends from those days, because he realized there is never a time limit on making friends.
There seem to be a lot of kids panicking right now about being homesick. Remember, your home and your family are always going to be there for you, even when you aren’t physically with them. One sign of growing up is that you understand you can love and miss your family without needing to be with them all the time. Give yourself time.
Replies to: To those who feel lonely/homesick/friendless/think they chose the wrong school, etc...
Your home is new.
Your friends are new.
Your school is new.
Your teachers are new.
Your classes are new.
Your room is new.
Your schedule is new.
Even your food is new.
This is a lot to get used to!
Many students feel this way! This is why colleges have orientations...to help you get used to these things.
So you went to orientation and were excited! Met people! This seems like fun!
But then the grind of classes has started. and you are feeling homesick. Probably because you don't have mom nudgin you to do your homework, Dad asking how sports/chess/band was, Sis making faces at you, your friends chatting with you...your comfy bed.
But soon your new bed will feel like home, you will have friends to hang out with, and Dad and Mom can ask you about school on your weekly call with them.
Maybe you don't have enough friends yet...if there hasn't been an activity fair yet, look out for it...go find out about different clubs/activities. SIgn up for a few and see which ones you like.
Maybe form a study group with some people in your classes to have some people to do homework with.
Here are other ideas on making friends:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1808143-having-trouble-adjusting-to-college-making-friends-top-10-things-to-do.html
Sometimes, you have more anxiety/depression than the average student. Your college knows that this will happen, so they have a counseling center. Make an appointment there or get a friend to go with you. They may be able to help you. There may be a group of students in the same boat as you. They may have to refer you to an outside doctor if they feel you have a diagnosable issue such as depression or anxiety.
https://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2100675-i-ve-been-in-college-for-more-than-a-month-now-and-haven-t-found-friends.html#latest
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/09/well/family/advice-from-a-formerly-lonely-college-student.html
I encourage all students who feel lonely, friendless, homesick and/or who think they chose the wrong school to please read this. You will get through this time, and you are not alone.
There seem to be a lot of kids panicking right now about being homesick. Remember, your home and your family are always going to be there for you, even when you aren’t physically with them. One sign of growing up is that you understand you can love and miss your family without needing to be with them all the time. Give yourself time.