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So what do you do with an empty-nest?
TNMom2Three
72 replies13 threads Junior Member
Sorry guys that this is not a thread about SAT's and acceptance letters, but it is the for people like me, the last one just got his LAST report card before graduation. It reminds me of a book I bought when my second son graduated called "Let Me Hold You Longer"...it tells about a mom always marking and remembering the FIRST time our children did this or that...but not really recognizing the LAST time they do something....like the last time we have to sign off on their report card.
My nest will be empty. After three kids and thinking sometimes I would lose my mind trying to get all of them to school functions, ballgames, and scout meetings, it will all come to an end. The other day I had to go to meet with a gifted teacher to finish his IEP, and on the way to the school I realized this would probably be my last teacher conference at his school. With three spread like I have, I've had one in the high school for 12 years. I've bonded with these teachers...I've been known as "Susie's mom" or "John's Mom" for so long, now that the last one goes to college, I'll probably never meet a professor or anyone that knows me by sight. In reality, I'll probably not really even know his new friends because they won't be neighborhood kids. Everything will change...drastically.
Sorry to be so sentimental but this is a changing time for parents as well as kids. Some still have some to raise...but some will be like me...an empty nester. After almost 30 years of wrapping my life around them, I'm not quite sure what to do with this new role.
Anyone here feeling the same way?
1305 repliesMy nest will be empty. After three kids and thinking sometimes I would lose my mind trying to get all of them to school functions, ballgames, and scout meetings, it will all come to an end. The other day I had to go to meet with a gifted teacher to finish his IEP, and on the way to the school I realized this would probably be my last teacher conference at his school. With three spread like I have, I've had one in the high school for 12 years. I've bonded with these teachers...I've been known as "Susie's mom" or "John's Mom" for so long, now that the last one goes to college, I'll probably never meet a professor or anyone that knows me by sight. In reality, I'll probably not really even know his new friends because they won't be neighborhood kids. Everything will change...drastically.
Sorry to be so sentimental but this is a changing time for parents as well as kids. Some still have some to raise...but some will be like me...an empty nester. After almost 30 years of wrapping my life around them, I'm not quite sure what to do with this new role.
Anyone here feeling the same way?
Post edited by TNMom2Three on
Replies to: So what do you do with an empty-nest?
FIL (90)needs more careful monitoring. He's in my home with spouse.
I moved into my childhood home to monitor my mother (92).
Since younger S graduated from high school, I've gotten involved in community theater as an actor and writer (My previous theater experience was saying 1 line in a high school play), been an extra in a made for TV movie, taken ballroom dancing (had 2 years of ballet when I was in elementary school), taken ballet, jazz dance, gotten on the board of a local advocacy group, got on the exec board of my local political party, joined a women's book club noted for raucous meetings that sometimes include book discussions, gone on some meditation retreats, taken up photography as a hobby, including having one of my pictures published in a national magazine, have become mommy to 2 bad rabbits, and am in the process of starting my own business.
I now have the time to dive into some things that I was too chicken or too busy to do when I was younger. ...
This will be a good thread the next few months. I know the reality is slowly setting in about the empty nest. Many of my friends who have gone through it say after a while they became used to the quiet, the free time.......I don't know. I don't want to think about it.
He is now over a year old and the best snap decision I ever made. Even my daughter knew that the new puppy was my way of dealing with her leaving. He's turned out to be the best dog we've ever had. My husband, who at first fought against the new dog tooth and nail, is a convert. The other dog is also happier.
I also got a job as a docent at a small museum near me. The pay is minimal, but it keeps me busy and engaged in the community.
I just recently reached the mid-century mark. With the family genes, I may well have another 50+ years to go, so it's exciting to be starting this new career. It was honestly more wrenching to lose my younger kid to preschool than this younger child to college 2500 miles away. Maybe it's because I know how happy she is & how hard she worked to get there, maybe it's because there are currently so many challenges facing me in my new career that I haven't had too much time to think about it, maybe it's because she will be home for the summer, starting in May.
My kiddos both had a lot of chronic health issues and I'm ever so glad that they appear to be making lives for themselves in college, so the happiness outshines the rest at this point. Due to their health, I had a lot of hassles from their middle school & HS, so my feelings toward both are bittersweet. I think I'll really feel it more when and if the kids decide to settle and start their families thousands of miles from me. I have a lot of extended family (including my parents, sibs & their families) within miles of me, so that helps a lot too.
And yet -- when we have slow periods at work where there's litle or nothing for me to do, which happens every few months, it bothers me intensely. I think that feeling useless at work, on top of feeling useless to my family, which no longer really needs me, is more than I can handle.
So I haven't really adjusted yet, even though my younger one is a college sophomore and the older one is now a graduate student living on the other side of the country.
Gotta get through that first hump first.
I enjoy having time and space to myself. I miss her, but in a "normal" sort of way, off and on, nothing devastating. I have needed to begin expanding my horizons so as not to have too much empty space -- still working on that one, but I see the promise in it. I'm always happy to have her home but it's clear that both of us are ready for this new stage of life. But in the end, no matter how much we do, or how ready we are or busy we get, there is something irrevocable about this. They come and go, and they might even come back for a longer while, but that childhood is over and it isn't coming back. This is as it should be, but it's okay to be sad about it.
I was a HUGE volunteer in our girls' schools throughout their education, so I hadn't really planned to do anything school oriented for awhile, but last year a couple of friends said, "You really should be involved in the YouthFriends program". It is a program that matches an adult in the community with a student who has life difficulties in one area or another. The first student they matched me with was in the middle school when we started and then I moved to the high school with him when he started there. You get together with them just an hour a week, during lunch or after school, etc. and just talk. One unexpected bonus was just randomly bumping into all the people I had known when my children attended those schools. Now I am paired with a younger girl who is a student at the elementary school my girls attended - getting to see people again I haven't seen very often in the 10 years since my kids left the school. So, maybe looking into some sort of volunteering at the high school would help keep that connection.
He's moving out tomorrow (only about 1 1/2 hrs. away) to a new job and his first apt. S2 may be coming home briefly but has a summer job that will keep him away and out of cell phone/txt range. H has a fellowship this summer that will keep him in Europe for 6 weeks, so I will literally be home alone--just me and the dog.
Fortunately, I have a very demanding job. But I agree about the dog. H may just return home to TWO dogs.
I'm lucky enough to live in a college town. But I might also do an online course or two. The offerings are amazing, and from Harvard to Berkeley and every campus in between, you can choose interesting topics across all disciplines.
If you're curious, just go to your own child's chosen college's website and look for Distance Education or Extension School or similar.
No admissions stress...no SATs! No ECs! But alas, no FA, either.
Thanks to all who have shared their ideas. This is a keeper thread--I'm bookmarking it for use in Spring 2011!