So, we are probably looking at a public university for my daughter. Is it a given that dorm life is going to have (what I consider) a high level of “trashy” behavior - - kids sleeping around (in the dorm rooms with roommates present?!) / drinking / partying? What do other conservative families / parents do - - just have their kid live at home? Our local schools aren’t that academically great - - but we are considering it, because dorm life seems so over-rated / expensive.
Public or private school does not matter. Drinking, partying and staying up late is a part of college life. There is no avoiding it. It is the center of live on campus’.
I had my son commute (cost was a big factor also) so he could avoid alot of that stuff. He does feel a lack of friends because he does not drink and does not wish to be at parties when everyone is drunk and obnoxious.
Drinking is rampant on college campus’. Just a fact of life.
I agree that there is no relationship between the cost of the college and the behavior of the students in the dorm.
Many colleges have themed dorms for students who share a set of values or interests, for example, no alcohol or drug use. You could look into this.
My daughter attends a private college. It doesn’t have themed dorms, but she got together her sophomore year with 9 other like-minded girls to form a suite which specifically banned partying, drug or alcohol use.
At the end of the day, your daughter can, and will, make her own choices. These can be good ones!
That said-- it is true that dorming is very expensive, and certainly the deciding factor for many students in whether to commute or not. Living on campus has many advantages, however.
The “drinking party culture” can vary between different colleges. For residential colleges, factors associated with lesser college drinking include:
- Women's college.
- Historically black college.
- Larger non-white student population (particularly black and/or Asian).
- Larger presence of student of religions that frown on drinking (e.g. LDS).
- No or lesser presence of fraternities and sororities.
- Availability of "substance free" housing.
- Location in west or south.
Thank you for your honest replies. I guess partly what I meant by cost, is that in a private religious school, I might have a hope of certain behavior from the students. But of course, they are just a little more expensive than state schools. : )
This was brought home to me when I was talking to a friend last night. She is a very strong, conservative Christian mom whose son is a freshman at Purdue. Anyway, she was talking about how certain behaviors are rampant, and I am kind of angry that in order to get a taxpayer-funded education, the kids have to put up with a lot of crummy behavior.
The “crummy behavior” occurs at top private colleges too, including the Ivies. Residence halls are self supporting at public colleges. No taxpayer money is involved.
Purdue seems to have the opposite of all of the factors associated with lesser college drinking listed in reply #3.
" Residence halls are self supporting at public colleges. No taxpayer money is involved. "
Hmmm - - wondering how this could be? The residence halls are on university land, they are university buildings, staffed by university employees, right?
If my kid goes to a school like IU, she is required to live on-campus freshman year. So she cannot get the educational opportunities without the exposure to the trashy behavior, right?
UT Dallas has a reputation for the lack of a party scene. I’ve spoken to current students that agreed.
OU is huge party school even though it’s a dry campus. My daughter says it’s mostly football weekends. She and many of her non drinking friends attend social events put on by the Baptist student group. Even though she is not Christian she feels welcome and not pressured to change her beliefs.
To live in the world is to be exposed to the behavior of others, some of which we may not like or approve of. I don’t think you can really insulate your daughter from that, no matter what school she attends.
It is part of the maturing process for teenagers and young adults to make their own choices about how to behave, and your daughter will as well. You’ve raised her for 17 or 18 years…now trust her.
Re: #7
“Self supporting” means that the revenues from the dorms (room and board charges to the students, and revenue from renting them out as hotels for conferences during the summer) covers the expenses, so that they are not otherwise subsidized.
Any thoughts as to why drinking is less in the west and south? Weather?
I would suggest that your daughter find a roommate on Facebook that has similar values and plans not to drink/party. I go to school very close to an extremely conservative Christian school that has very strict rules. (it comes up occasionally on these boards) Students from that school have fake ids and show up to my schools parties. They’re even on tinder looking for hookups… just like everyone else. Partying just becomes more underground/risky in those situations. I’ve also found that schools that are more isolated and in rural areas tend to have more partying.
If this makes you feel better, people probably won’t pressure your daughter into drinking if she makes it clear she isn’t interested, in my experience. Alcohol/drugs are far too expensive for people to share with people that don’t want it. Some of my friends party, and some don’t. We respect each other’s decisions and understand that our moral boundaries are different. What one deems trashy is permissible to another. That’s the beauty of college, in my opinion- we’re all different but find things that bring us together. As long as your daughter can say “No,” she’ll do fine.
Kids drink way too much in college…i honestly think that changing the drinking age to 21 encouraged over-drinking…but that’s a big detour from what the OP asked.
As others have noted, 90% of all colleges have this issue…visit Dartmouth or Cornell on a Saturday night and then try the University of Michigan…you’d have a hard time telling them apart. That said, just make sure to pick the right dorm…it’ll be unkindly known as the “nerd dorm” or the “honors dorm” …your daughter will find like-minded kids (f which there are many).
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Some schools have “quiet” dorms or “alcohol free” dorms. Schools can vary in terms of how strictly they enforce the rules. Picking a quiet and studious roommate can help a lot.
To me university is sort of like a half way house for my kids somewhere between living at home and living on their own in their own apartment. They learn how to be on their own. To me this is just as important as academics. Eventually they are going to have to get used to living in the real world. The real world includes some irresponsible people. I think that my kids have been brought up to behave responsibly and to take responsibility for their own actions. Now they get to make their own mistakes.
I agree. She should have no problem avoiding it if she wants too. It just makes for a rough socialization if most get togethers involve drinking.
To be honest, I’m a little uncomfortable with your characterizations of the situation as you see it.
I’m curious: how does your daughter feel about this? What are her preferences?
My kid had a highly studious Muslim roommate. They did a lot of things together and found like minded students.
I think that you just have to trust your kid.
My kids either didn’t engage in what you call trashy behavior, or didn’t tell us about it. But honestly, they are studious and quite reserved so I really think it’s the former. My nephew is a very shy kid. He goes to a party hardy NCAA Basketball school. I get the sense that he’s found a small group of like minded friends who aren’t getting trashed or having orgies every weekend.