If you’re not happy, here’s a thought. Could it be because you’re so set on your boyfriend that you aren’t being social enough? Get to the root of the issue and also get some help. It really helps to talk to someone. I know tons of people with therapists and they all love going and just talking. If you’re unhappy, maybe you can look at some Instate schools since they’ll be cheaper?
an issue is that CA universities are all extremely expensive; unless you marry your boyfriend, you will not be considered instate; public universities do not offer any financial aid to OOS applicants, and private universities do not have financial aid for transfers.
Can you take a leave of absence from your university? Perhaps see if your boyfriend would be amenable to living with you (not sure he’d be allowed to since he’s a soldier, so, check whether you may be allowed to live on base when not married), find a job, work for a semester in CA, and re-assess things then.
OP, I agree with others who have advocated going to see a counselor about the depression. It sounds like you realize that most things are going well for you, and yet you are still sad all the time - that’s a red flag that you should at least get checked out.
How many years into his commitment is your boyfriend? I had a very similar situation, although I was a bit older: when I went to graduate school, my then-boyfriend went off to the military at the same time, and we had a long-distance relationship for a time (although the distance did get considerably shorter after the first 6-8 months, when he moved 80 miles away). We also lived apart for 2 years while I pursued professional opportunities elsewhere, including a year in which we were 2,600 miles from each other.
It’s rough, I know, but personally my advice is to stick it out and try to finish. Two years sounds like a long time now, but it really will fly by faster than you know it. And graduating without debt is a gift that will allow you more flexibility to make choices in the future. I have some friends who are tethered to their large debt and they have to make career decisions on the basis of loan repayment programs or making enough to make hefty monthly payments. Many parts of CA are expensive, and if you do eventually move there to be with your boyfriend - assuming he is even still stationed in CA - it’ll be far easier if you have your BA and the ability to get a job.
Besides - I partially agree with pacepea, in that it’s not always true that moving is the worst option. However…by your own admission, you have loved the school for a long time and still love it. You like your major, you are doing well, and you have close friends that you really love, too. All of that seems very important to you! Are you sure that you would want to give all of that up right now to move to CA?
Check and see if your Ohio university has a domestic exchange program with any California schools - that might be a way to study at a CA school while still paying your OH fees (in other words, nothing).
I wouldn’t necessarily advocate trying to live together. If she’s a traditional-aged sophomore, she’s 19 years old. It’s a bit…young for that, I think. (Parents might object, too.)
If you are very depressed it is hard to enjoy college. Trust me I know because I went through it first semester. Have you considered taking a temporary leave of absence? Why don’t you take it for a semester and go out to California to visit your boyfriend. I bet you will feel better once you see him for a little. Then return to your college in Ohio and be beyond thankful that you do not have to pay a dime. Consider it like this - hustle at your university you are currently at and literally the amount you are saving by bot attending a school in Cali, you could use to just buy plane tickets to California! You are half way through, you got this! And honestly take it from this perspective… I would do ANYTHING to have a full ride to a college
The best gift you can give to your relationship is being confident and settled. Having your degree completed and paid for will go a long way toward that end. I agree with the others who recommend seeing a mental health provider, too.
I’d also challenge you to shift your perspective from, “everything here is keeping me from him” to “everything I do is preparing for my future (with him).” It’s closer than you can see from here! Good luck!
Hi. I have military experience, so BIG HUG… it’s hard… I agree with so much above, too.
Perhaps you could schedule trips on your breaks to see BF in CA and he can plan trips to Ohio to see you and your family on his leave? (With the money you save on tuition, you can get a job to make money for the flights.) Put the trips on a calendar and have the count down… something to look forward to while you are focused on your education. You can also have set Skype time in your calendar.
If your BF is in the military:
- He will be deployed at one time or another. If you are finding the separation difficult right now, I would suggest working on coping skills with the counseling department. It won’t get better if you move to CA (away from family and friends) and he deploys for 12-18 months.
- Finish your degree. Make yourself as flexible as you can for multiple career paths just in case you get married to military BF. You will be moving to different bases or posts. You need to learn to pick up different jobs.
- Do not bring debt into the relationship. It will be hard enough with deployments and PCS-ing. Think positively about your relationship and the fact that you are finishing school without debt for the both of you.
- In a military relationship… if he can’t wait and/or you can’t wait… it’s going to be very, very tough to maintain a relationship. Stay busy, stay focused, stay positive… see if he can do the same. If you both can do that, you’ll handle the deployments.
Good Luck OP
BTW… in addition to counseling, how about exercise? Take a class for fun in cooking, line dancing, or something that involves large groups getting together. Volunteer to help others… good luck and keep us posted.