<p>Hi all, I usually post re my Jr. daughters and college, but neede to get a reality check re my 12 yo S and figured this was the place to come. </p>
<p>My boy and I are close. He tells me stuff, still wants to be tucked in at night and will cuddle up on the couch with me. historyson is sweet, funny, outgoing, athletic and sadly a girl magnet. Little girls have had crushes on him since Kindergarten and though he has always been nice he has never reciprocated until now. He openly has declared that he has a girl friend. He bought her a Christmas present and confided in me that she kissed him when he gave it to her. They have gone in a group to the movies…his sisters picking him up and dropping him off but there will be no one-on-one dating. She’s a smart, fun, active, non-prissy kind of girl.</p>
<p>Now I know some of you are going to tell me that he has no business w/ a girl friend I know you are right. I also know that when I was a kid, kids started pairing up in the 7th grade…that most lasted a couple of weeks and then it was over and that it was harmless for the most part. I am not asking for that input. </p>
<p>What I want to know is how you as mothers dealt with your little boys growing up in this way ie puberty, crushes etc. I guess I just need to hear some of your stories as I go through uncharted territory. See, neither of my DDs has dated. They have guy friends but have never had boy-friends. OK…done rambling.</p>
<p>My experience tells me that the girls are WAY ahead at this point. They are the “hunters.” These relationships usually do seem to run their course in a month or two, with the girl moving on to the next boy in the group. Just be there to “pick up the pieces” when she dumps him for one of his friends. :D</p>
<p>historymom, I have an 11 year old S, and he has apparently had several “girlfriends” this year. Girls have also been calling him since Kindergarten, so I can relate. There have been no group outings or anything like that, although he did hang out at one of their houses one afternoon. I really have no advice for you, except to continue doing what you have been doing. Kids start dating at different ages. My D didn’t start dating until last year when she was in 9th grade, and she has only had one BF - although it’s been going on awhile now. I know from seeing her friends that while some of them go through boys like crazy, others haven’t even started. She and a few others manage to maintain actual relationships with their long-term boyfriends. I couldn’t even tell you how many “girlfriends” my son has had. I don’t consider those real relationships - how the girls see them, I couldn’t tell you. It does sound to me like your S and his GF may be a little more involved than other 7th grade couples - but that may be because my D didn’t date at all in middle school and my S, a 6th grader, has “girlfriends,” but doesn’t date.</p>
<p>I have an 8th grader and have watched with interest the various couples over the last 2 years. What I have seen is it is usually the same few boys that are the interest of the girls. I don’t know if it is because they are receptive or not. I do know as a mother of a girl that the girls do talk alot about the boys but have crushes but don’t seem to do anything about it but talk with their girlfriends about them.
My son is now 18. When he was 12 he had a girlfriend. She orchestrated the entire romance. He went along with her but she made all the plans and seeked him out. It didn’t last long. A couple of years later the same thing happened. She liked him and he liked her but found that a girlfriend requires alot of work. He had absolutely no interest in girls for the next 3 yrs. Senior year rolls around and suddenly he is totally interested in dating, girls, going to dances. He has had a steady girlfriend for the last 8 months.</p>
<p>Haha, don’t you love that. My S went through a similar phase. Had a “girlfriend” at 14, the girls was very mature, while he was just a 14-year-old boy. When they were through, he decided that girlfriends were just draining. He really enjoyed hanging out in group situations so much more after that.</p>
<p>I can relate. My 12yo has always had a lot of attention from the girls. It didn’t become an issue until last year, in sixth grade, when sweet Molly called him up to four times in one evening while at a soccer tournament. Then she got her friend to call and ask him to take Molly to the school dance. I said no he couldn’t go out with anyone until he was 16. He seemed irritated and a little relieved. Irritated that this would hamper his social status and relieved that he didn’t have to put any mental energy into what would happen next. The sixth-grade girls definitely were driving all the “relationships.”</p>
<p>Fast forward to this year. We had a big talk about what it means to “go out.” I told him if it meant liking a girl then by all means “go out” with whoever he likes, because I can’t control who he likes and that it’s perfectly natural (that’s what he meant by going out). But if “going out” means actually going places together and expecting me to drive them to the movies, etc., that wasn’t going to happen (that’s what I meant by going out).</p>
<p>As far as I know he hasn’t gone out with anyone this year, though apparently many girls like him. As I suspsected, my saying he couldn’t go out made it more desirable. He seems to have no interest in it now. And I’m not sure he had any interest last year either, but he was flattered by all the attention, especially from one of the most popular girls at school.</p>
<p>My 15yo isn’t nearly as openly interested in the opposite sex as the 12yo. He has a huge group of friends that includes some girls, but there’s only been one pairing off in that group, and it quickly fizzled. I feel so protective of the 12yo because I remember what it was like being a boy-crazy 12yo girl and how we hounded boys to dance with us at school events and made crazy prank calls. The poor guys were pursued relentlessly. I don’t want my son to feel pressured into anything just because these girls want to feel grown-up.</p>
<p>I am not a mother, but perhaps I can give some advice, from someone who went through that “phase” (let’s call it that for now.) It is actually great that you son is getting involved in relationships early IMO. It gives him experience, but also saves him the bitterness many of the uglier kids feel when they can’t find a girlfriend.</p>
<p>It’s pretty much harmless fun at that age and I completely disagree with the “no dating till 16.” I wouldn’t go so far as to let them spend time alone together in a private area but as long as they are in public.</p>
<p>I was in similar situations in Junior High and felt that since I had the freedom to hang out with girls without someone breathing down my throat that my understanding of women and social skill have developed better than most due to my parents openness with that type of thing. </p>
<p>IMO letting him go through a few of these junior high flings will get it out of his system. I was in similar situations at that age and it just seemed like when I had the opportunity to date I was less interested and concentrated on other things, but when that option wasn’t available I felt provoked to attend to interests girls had in me. </p>
<p>I think 12 is a good age to start “going out.” A movie date or pizza, something along those lines can’t possibly hurt. If anything he may come to the realization that it is too early for him to date.</p>
<p>I’m just trying to provide a different POV, from the opposite side of the spectrum. Although most mothers won’t agree with me, I feel that by experiencing that a young ago, I wasn’t as anxious throughout the teenage years, till of course the age where teens start becoming sexually active, but that’s a whole other discussion.</p>
<p>If you son is anything like me, he will go through a few women, realize how exhausting it is trying to keep up with them and wait till a real nice one comes around, as opposed to seeking women for himself.</p>
<p>At first, it made me kinda nervous when my SIL talked much about her young S’s “girlfriends.” I soon learned there’s a very low bar for naming someone a girlfriend. SIL watched him in a crowd and saw him plant his baseball hat on the girl’s head to wear during a concert. SIL said, “at his age, that’s like giving a girl a ring.” </p>
<p>I say to keep it all light and humorous; not draw too much attention to it; don’t let him hear you parse it with friends on a phone, etc.</p>
<p>It is fun to be popular at that age, but don’t label him a ladies man, either. No pressure, in other words. Keep it light.</p>
<p>When my older son was in 6th grade, some girls “assigned” him to be somebody’s boyfriend. I say “assigned” because that’s kinda how it was. They wanted him to bring his (male) friend with him to “Teen Night” at the Y. (Actually, Teen Night was for fourth through seventh graders, so go figure --) </p>
<p>The girls called my son up around six or eight times that afternoon, asking, “Did you invite [friend]? Is [friend] coming? Does [friend] like This Girl? Does he like That Girl?” </p>
<p>My son – with my prodding – told them to please stop calling; it’s getting annoying; and he’d see them that night at the Y.</p>
<p>The girls got the hint and backed off.</p>
<p>I think my son liked being pursued and feeling popular, but that level of pursuit was annoying.</p>
<p>it does get annoying. Especially when many girls you have no interest in keep pursuing interest in you. That is especially the case in middle & high school. God it was a nightmare sometimes.</p>
<p>My son is almost 12 and in sixth grade. He’s had a “girlfriend” since the last month of fifth grade. He says they “hinted” to each other that they like each other and he was glad when she got put in the same math class this year. He told me she brightens his day. They don’t see each other outside of school, and they don’t call each other either, so it’s quite innocent. At least two other girls like my S, but he’s not interested in them.</p>
<p>To the OP. more than anything I agree with keeping your reactions light. Make yourself available and interested but fairly non judgemental on comments about the girlfriend situation. I found that I found out a lot more, always offered to drive ( sometimes driving girls home) and was more aware of the level of the relationships and what the word girlfriend meant at various stages. I got asked a lot of questions about “why would a girl say this?”. ( I have 2 sons so no girls at home) I have had the pleasure (honor) of being a confidant on many issues that were also bounced by his friends. I had the ability to say things like “this is taking up too much time and energy” or laughing over something silly that happened. There are also girls as friends, all are welcome in our house. I am of the opinion that for some, this is going to happen at earlier ages, I would rather be a part of and understand what is going on, then not know about my child’s life experiences. Nor do I think I know everything ( and probably don’t want to) but I have an idea of who he is, and how he sees the opposite sex and some idea of how he functions in a “relationship”. My second son has not had a gf as of yet. Hangs out in mixed groups and has a lot of girls as friiends. It’s not an issue either way, just who they are and how they are growing.</p>
<p>Talk about innocent…Can you believe that my D had a “boyfriend” she never even spoke to? Both my D and the boy were so shy with each other that neither ever said a single word to each other. They were in the same class and evidently it was obvious they liked each other. Communication consisted of glances, talking through their friends, and occasional notes (ostensibly about homework and the like). The best was when he handed her an envelope on Valentine’s day, containing a hand made doily type heart he’d obviously spent great care in constructing.
It was sweet.
Their “romance” is long over now 5 years later, and they now are friends and respect each other as peers. He’s just been accepted EA to Stanford and just maybe, if my D is lucky to be accepted RD, will join him there.</p>