I also found it striking that in all the pictures of the 12 yo there were no pictures of him with friends. At 12 how is he going to work on psets at midnite in some ones dorm room ? Collaboration is a big thing at a lot of schools
There is no college that puts a 12 yo with 18 yo students in a same dorm. Either there is a special dorm for younger students (MBC’s PEG) or they commute from parents’ home.
Regarding working on psets at midnight, I saw mine occasionally doing that using cell phone, skype and picture messages. It seemed quite smooth.
There was a sixteen-year-old in my dorm in college he was awful. He went through a number of roommates and finally ended up and a double that was a single because no one wanted to live with him. He monopolized the television which shows that nobody else wanted to watch. This was in the day when they only had one television in the dorm. By the end of the year everyone hated him. I think it’s probably a good thing this kid is not living in a dorm. Last I heard the kid that was in our dorm had dropped out and was working at the post office.
Well, that seems like an extreme example. There are obnoxious people everywhere, regardless of age.
Indeed. The undergrad classmate who graduated with honors at 17 and the 14 year old junior both got along quite swimmingly and blended in quite well with the rest of us more traditionally aged undergrads.
Heck, the former was regarded so highly by peers that most of us dormmates encouraged him to apply and become one of the RAs in our dorm with its associated responsibilities…including providing impromptu peer counseling when some dormmates were going through academic/personal crises. He’s still remembered fondly as someone who excelled in the RA job…especially the counseling aspect.
So glad the parents and others who know extremely gifted kids have entered the discussion. Renaissancedad really got the ball rolling after SculptorDad with post # 306. Too many people cannot think outside their box. These kids CAN’T have a “normal” (perhaps average is a more accurate term) childhood because they are so far outside the norms. btw- don’t forget Marilyn VosSavant who writes the Parade column.
And- in my top tier large flagship U frats were practically nonexistent- we felt sorry for those who felt they needed the Greek system for their social life. Your life is not another person’s life- for all who post here. Some of you just don’t get it. Perhaps you were the ones who made life miserable for those who were different and did not conform to your ways.
My 16 (turned 17 in fall) year old college freshman thrived by getting to take honors courses instead of being stuck with the AP level ones. And- there was a 14 year old girl in his physics class (a HS student). Too bad we didn’t live there so he could have done more at a younger age. When son was in middle school he was involved in an academic activity with another gifted boy who was a grade ahead (summer birthday young) then became friends- at the time son was two grades ahead (early entry and compressing an elementary grade). The two would get together and play Uno. I once asked the other boy’s mother why her son would play with my younger than he was son instead of a neighbor in the same grade. She told me that even playing Uno with someone as smart as he was was more enjoyable. I understood- activities where people think as quickly are more fun.
One size does not fit all- even for highly gifted kids.
One of my 10 year old’s best friends his own age is a mildly autistic boy. He met him at the local park, and bonded because the boy’s pet bird was with him. My son is passionate about animals. He has no idea that the boy is autistic, and wouldn’t care. He just relates to the other boy with a shared passion in animals.
Another of his friends last year was a boy who was 5 years younger. They shared a passion for a video game. My son would ask if the other boy could come over for playdates or even sleepovers. We discouraged the idea at the time, but in retrospect I wouldn’t.
My son has plenty of friends his own age. He cherishes them, and is incredibly loyal to them. But his nature is extremely intense - which is part and parcel of the giftedness - and it can overwhelm others at times, and he can be disappointed when other kids don’t match his intensity.
These kids are highly asynchronous, and can be profoundly different. I’ve know gifted kids who absolutely hated being grouped in with other highly gifted kids. There are no rules, and it’s a question of what works for each one. There seems to be a fair amount of judgment about what constitutes a “normal” adolescence and what these kids should experience, but each one is different.
“And- in my top tier large flagship U frats were practically nonexistent- we felt sorry for those who felt they needed the Greek system for their social life. Your life is not another person’s life- for all who post here. Some of you just don’t get it. Perhaps you were the ones who made life miserable for those who were different and did not conform to your ways.”
You’ve now said this several times and I think it’s a horrible accusation to accuse anyone on this board of being, well, in essence, bullies to the “different kids.” Many of us WERE the different kids - different because we were smart and because we had intellectual interests. Your kid started college at 16; great. Many of us with fall or winter birthdays started college at 17. NBD. Really.
PG, you have argued for the importance of staying with age-mates, to develop social skills. The term “social skills” covers a wide range. I realize that in short posts, there is not time to provide a socio-psychological treatise on what you mean by “social skills,” but I started to wonder whether we are discussing this at cross purposes, because we have different things in mind.
In particular, could you give a few examples of the social skills that you think it is essential for a young person to acquire from people the same age?
When it comes to having a “normal” childhood, I have to agree with previous posters who have said that the “severely gifted” young people are not going to be normal, in any event.
I had an engineering club leader who was a 17 year old sophomore - he started college at 16, living on campus. He is a Nigerian student, so he was certainly a long way from home. He seemed to thriving, and I wouldn’t have guessed he was younger except he mentioned it in some context.
Interestingly enough, most folks I knew who were accelerated in HS, college, and post college life tended to gravitate towards and be regarded as leaders by their academic peers despite said peers being older…sometimes much older as was the case with the college classmate who graduated undergrad at 17 with honors.
They weren’t “one trick ponies” who only brought excellence in academics to the table.
^^ Mine claims that she was always the leader of her community college science classes’ lab team when she was 12-13. And her team usually finished earliest with best result, so was often copied by other teams. She wasn’t the smartest or best student, but always one of the most hard working one who gets the job done, while encouraging her team members to participate and helping them.
Where I come from, this is usually the case with other radically young college students as well. One thing they have common is passion and thirst for knowledge.
I expect there’s a difference between being a prodigy at a c.c. and at Cornell in terms of the fellow students.
@VikiSoCal,
Of course there is a big difference. Given that dd often barely aced her c.c. courses, she wouldn’t fair well at Cornell if she were studying there now.
However, I know a kid younger than my daughter did even better in an upper level research course at a prestigious university. Being the exemplary among peers and all. He seems is a natural leader. I think he could have done that at Cornell too.
While not as gifted as he is, dd shares passion and thirst for knowledge as well, and is not afraid to become the nerd or to lead when necessary.
The first thing that comes to my mind is sex.
No matter what their intellectual levels, people go through puberty at more-or-less the same chronological age.
I think it’s generally agreed in our society that it’s best for adolescents to experience their first tentative sexual explorations and later, their first real sexual relationships with partners who are close to their own chronological age.
If a young person does not know and spend time with other people the same age, this isn’t likely to happen.
Either the young person will be pressured by older friends to become sexually active even though he/she doesn’t feel ready or the young person and the older friends will be so out of sync in terms of sexual readiness that the young person will be left out of this important part of growing up.
Interesting, I didn’t think “sex” as a “social skill.” Old-fashioned I guess!
Given that, I think people start being sexually active at different ages. To a person at 12, 5 years difference in age is a big gap. But to a person at 20, it is not.
That “it’s generally agreed in our society that it’s best for adolescents to experience their first tentative sexual explorations and later, their first real sexual relationships with partners who are close to their own chronological age.” is no more nor less true than “it’s generally agreed in our society that one should start college at 18 or 19.” Everyone is different.
I thought my 13 yo could stay a few more years before starting her first tentative sexual explorations, and still a few more years later to start real sexual relationships when it would be ok to have an older boyfriend. I guess I am old fashioned as well.
Given the fact that I wasn’t gonna allow my 12 yo or even 15 yo girl an environment for this explorations even if she were in a co-ed local school with age peers, she was doomed anyway.
But if this Cornell boy’s parents shares the same opinion as yours, I am sure they can find local groups with same age kids for sports and EC. I presume that it doesn’t have to be too frequent.
13/14 we’re talking kissing, holding hands. It is a process. Even kids who aren’t dating are exploring their relationship to the gender they are attracted to, and my preference would be a 13/14 year old boy or girl, not the cute 19 year old in your chem lab, for an accelerated girl!
I agree with you about the cute 19 yo. But most of them mind being prosecuted and mine is not evil enough to lie her age, even for a very cute one. I trust mine on that issue.
I also agree that she would have missed the 13/14 stuffs if she were continued homeschooling. Alas, she is entering a high school now that is girls-only and boarding. As I said already she was doomed anyway. But I am sure she will be fine if she starts it a few years later than majority of age peers.
That’s not a universal given even within US society. For instance, many fundamentalist religious families…including “real murikan” protestant Christian ones I’ve known of/observed would frown/forbid all that even at much older ages unless the couple were engaged or even married.
In fact, most members at the fundamentalist Christian sect(evangelical baptist) a branch of my extended family are a part of would do their utmost to keep their kids away from kids who did all that or parents who encouraged that behavior.
Another thing to keep in mind is that even among the non-religious…those who start the exploring relationship bit at 12-14 tend to be a minority…especially boys.