Good heavens, if a kid isn’t kissing by 14, they’re toast as far as a sex life goes? Is that what I’m hearing?
If I heard that from my parents(thankfully they weren’t of this mindset) at the age of 12…my 12 year old self would retort I had far better things to do than get entangled in relationships…especially those where kissing is mandatory. 
I was also of the mind that the few boys who were entangled in relationships were constrained/not as free to do as they wished compared to those of us who weren’t thus “entangled”.
I was mindful of the fact most kids in my neighborhood/middle school who started “exploring relationships” ended up having to drop out because they ended up as teenage parents with all the associated responsibilities and permanently life-altering consequences. One such teen parent was an older elementary school classmate who was handpicked by our Catholic School principal to serve as our “older sibling/exemplar” back when I was in first grade and she was in 7th or 8th grade.
Turning around the anti-acceleration commenter’s retort…what’s the rush to start exploring romantic relationships??
We had a girl in our sorority who was very young. I think she was 17 but had been living at home before moving into our sorority. She must have been school smart because she was going to college early, but she was unbelievably immature by any standards. If we asked her to go down the street to get an ice cream, she’d call home and ask permission. If she spent any money, she had to call home and ask (we’re talking going for a hamburger or to the drug store for nail polish). One night she had a high school friend ‘sleep over’ and they spent the night trying to call the Bay City Rollers. By phone. I didn’t act that way when I was 12.
Learning about sex? Well you won’t be surprised to hear she got pregnant and dropped out of school.
If a 17 yo girl needs permission from parents to go down the street to get an icecream or by a hamburger, she would be less mature than average, and certainly is not ready to leave in a sorority. In that case the parents would be irresponsible.
Sorry, my question which was quoted in #375 and #376 was imprecise. What I really meant was: What social skills is it essential for a young person to learn by being in school classes with age-mates? I didn’t mean for the discussion to head in the direction that it has gone!
Because the young man’s parents are moving to Ithaca, I have assumed from the get-go that the young man will have opportunities for extra-curricular activities with people of his own age, which could include dating in the future, though in my circles, a 12- or 13-year-old is still too young to date. (Old-fashioned and out-of-it, I know.)
No kidding. But they really do learn to explorer in school classes with age-mates in 12, practice courting skills and beyond. I am not going to quote from the below link as it may disturb some parents.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/04/090408145354.htm
I knew exactly what you meant, @QuantMech. The quote in #376 of mine is to quote the answer, which was to me quite “interesting” to say the least.
You didn’t ask me, but my answer to your question is “none.” In the last 12 years, my D has never been “in school classes with age-mates.” I don’t think, more importantly, she doesn’t think she misses anything at all. In fact, she is still telling me that her 3 years of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grades (when she was at a “normal” school) were torturing.
Social skills in a classroom? I think there are a lot of messages, jokes, chatting that takes place and students learn to deal with them. The joke that is funny to 8th graders might not be so hysterical to high school juniors. Maybe they’ve heard it before, maybe farts just aren’t as funny to 17 year olds as they are to 12 year olds. Maybe the older kids have learned to be a little more sympathetic to the student who cries in class over a break up or isn’t invited to a social event or when the teacher really lays into a student who has answered incorrectly.
I agree, but this boy will still be accelerated by six years when he’s ready to date at around 15. And I don’t share the confidence of some on this thread that his parents will be able to find activities for him where he will be with people his own age.
Weird. My parents were very laissez-faire despite the popular stereotype of strict immigrant parents in this regard. Never had to ask parents for permission to spend money I earned myself through part-time jobs from the age of 9 onwards.
Then again, they felt I was mature enough to no longer impose a curfew from 11 onwards.
If anything, my parents…especially dad would be far more concerned if I was so lacking in independence/maturity to feel the need to ask them for permission for such mundane activities.
This would have been even more absurd to the college classmate who graduated from our LAC at 17…especially considering he did fine managing all his own finances throughout undergrad and according to his parents…even before starting undergrad.
Incidentally, I started my undergrad at 17…but felt it wasn’t very different from starting at 18. Especially considering in situations where this could have been an issue, they assumed I was 18+ once I produced college ID.
》》 I think there are a lot of messages, jokes, chatting that takes place and students learn to deal with them.《《
However, if the kid is the butt of the jokes because of his intelligence, then that kind of environment is more likely to be toxic than helpful.
I keep wondering how parents here of “regular smart” kids would react if someone told them they shouldn’t allow their kids to take AP classes because it wouldn’t allow them to have enough time to hang out at the mall, make out in the back of cars, and otherwise develop their peer appropriate social skills.
^ I kid you not, my uncle essentially did that with his kids. He guided them away from the advanced tracks in high school so that they could be popular.
I suspect the bullies, in whatever form, however mild did not suspect what they did could be considered bullying. I’ll bet most of us have been mean to others at one or another. I’ll bet most were in a group that ignored another person or made a remark etc. No one ever laughed about X’s clothing or something else, or made any sort of negative comment??? Or is there a different term when the majority does something not nice to others- and is this being socially mature??? I do remember that by the end of HS senior year so many people were so much nicer to each other.
Just stating the facts about Greek life- it is huge on some campuses and miniscule on others so doing that means nothing for a normal college existence for many.
Sex is not maturity, social or otherwise. Gee, then many people I know who were with age mates were retarded in this. Not everyone has girl-boy friends of a sexual nature at the same ages.
Pizzagirl please explain what social maturity means to you. Is it having manners, the grace not to talk behind others’ backs, or what? Gifted kids are known to be ahead of their age in many areas of maturity, understanding rules at a much younger age.
@Sue22, My “regular smart” older kid took 10 AP’s in HS, including BC Calculus and AP Physics, played 2 varsity sports, was an Eagle Scout, went to the prom, and had interaction with all kinds of kids of varying intellectual, athletic, and general abilities. He had friends in the neighborhood from kindergarten on. He did tons of just hanging out with friends. Still keeps in touch with people from grade school and college. And he was in a fraternity in college (oh, the horror!). It can be done. He was in the gifted program in elementary school. He was always popular, as was younger kid, who also was in the gifted program. I never heard anything from either of them about being bullied about being smart. Maybe just lucky.
I’m one of those parents of ‘regular smart’ kids and I did limit my kids’ AP and overall schedule to what they could handle and still have time for sports and social life. One would have liked to spend all her time on sports, but I curbed that a little too. She still has a scholarship. She is extremely shy and really needed the balance.
I also don’t think all smart kids, even super smart ones, are social geeks. I know a lot of kids who are gifted and I think they could have benefited from some extra socialization, be it through church groups, scouts, rec soccer, or just going to after school care. The woman who ran our after school care was terrific, and made everyone do their homework, but then made them put down the books and play a game, skip rope, play basketball, be social. This included the Kindergartener who was reading at a 5th grade level (or higher) to the 7th grade girls who were bossy and gossipy and needed to learn to be nice. Everyone can benefit from learning to be social.
Agreed. But in this case they won’t usually benefit from typical social interaction of regular schooling.
Agreed again. And going to early college does not prevent them from doing this.
Yes, the idea that most super smart kids are also necessarily going to be “social geeks” doesn’t help. My nephew is very smart, played ball at an Ivy, studied CS. He played elite club ball in HS with a travel team with a couple of guys that are now in the NBA. He was not up to their level athletically . He respected their athletic gifts. He might be intellectually smarter than them but they were much more athletically smart and talented than he was. Humility goes a long way in life.
I think they would and do benefit from the social interactions at a typical school. When it is a group of 7th grade 12 year olds learning to cook, how does the 12 year old super smart kid who is in college not benefit, except that she’s likely not there? Are they not challenged by reading the recipe? By cracking eggs?
The 12 year old could be like some younger than 17 year old undergrads at my LAC and learn how to cook with their college classmates. Same opportunities to learn social skills without the artificiality, constraints, and bullying/backbiting common in middle school…
Incidentally, the friend who graduated at 17 was a good cook and from what I heard from a mutual friend…was a factor in how he met and married his wife during his grad school years.