<p>We all want to know our kids. And i think that we all try to do that. Some with more success than others. It is not always as easy as some make it sound and that is not always the fault of the parent. It is simply the natural course of developing children to separate from parents in their teen years and put their friendships ahead of family relationships. It isn’t a reflection on the parent. It is sometimes the feeling of being judged as a bad or neglectful parent that prevents people from getting the help they need for themselves or for their child.</p>
<p>“you have to know your kid”</p>
<p>And if for whatever reason your kid has an issue, fear, etc. that he hasn’t shared with you and he is heading down a dangerous path do you interrogate him under hot lights? Sit him down and cajole him until he tell you something to get you off his back? We all have thoughts and feelings that other people aren’t privy to - that is in no way unusual or deviant. I don’t see how having a neutral trained party for the kid to talk to can be a bad thing. If nothing else, saying whatever it is out loud and having the world NOT end might help the kid to share his issues more readily with his parents.</p>
<p>And often therapy is needed so that the focus remains on the teen and not the parent. It’s pretty natural to get defensive if the therapist points out that the parent is part of the problem - even if it was nothing intentional or malicious on the part of the parent, sometimes we contribute to problems without realizing it. Perhaps especially for parents who may think that they have wonderful relationships with their kids and can discuss everything - it would really be easy for a therapy session to slip into parent issues/concerns instead of focusing on the child, without expert therapists.</p>
<p>As to never using plastic as a cutting tool - my daughter fished pieces of a cut up expired credit card out of a trash basket. That has left the worst of her scars. Safety pins left some interesting designs that are nearly gone after 11 years. As far as I know, the emotional scars are pretty much gone, thank God.</p>
<p>Have any of you read the possible side effects of the drug this child is already taking? That would certainly be my first thought, too. There would have to be a pretty big problem before I let a Dr. give that to a 12-year old. Maybe, there was. We don’t know.</p>
<p>“It can In Children and Teenagers
•new psychotic symptoms such as: •seeing things or hearing voices that are not real
•believing things that are not true
•being suspicious”</p>
<p>OP here - I feel like I need to moderate my own thread! But you are all very helpful, if only to make me realize there are not always clear answers. I do feel like I’m involved in my son’s life, and I think we have a close-knit family. But I don’t always “get” him and now it’s obvious I’ve been missing a lot. A little more info - he’s been cutting for a few weeks, using a blade from a pencil sharpener. We’ve recently restricted his phone and computer use due to late-night texting. So to me there’s a definite social aspect.</p>
<p>I feel comforted just knowing that others are dealing with this issue. I think the concept of cutting is pretty darned unfathomable to most of us. </p>
<p>I would caution against the idea that the social influence of this group of girls are to blame at the core. He may be socializing with them more because he wants/needs the support due to issues of his own (not to mention friendship). The girls were the ones who brought this to the attention of people who could help. It doesn’t sound like they are the enemy here.</p>
<p>@jeannemar - Two of my 3 kids take Vyvanse for ADHD. One of the questions my doctor asks at each check up and also told us to watch out for was changes in their mood like being depressed or angry. They haven’t had any side effects and it works well for them but if I saw anything like what you described I would be very concerned that it was the Vyvanse. Hopefully your DS’s doctor can prescribe something different and then you can see if it was a side effect of the Vyvanse. </p>
<p>My kid reacted much better to Vyvanse than to Adderol + anti depressant. But I have heard that Vyvanse can cause huge mood swings, particularly in younger children. </p>
<p>Just - how do I say this? Lock up the ibuprofen, aspirin, tylenol, cough medicine, blades, etc. until you can determine he is out of the woods - or permanently. </p>
<p>Photo Op, yes! I can’t believe I didn’t say this earlier. I know it may sound alarmist, but it is a standard precaution with people who are at risk of self harm.
Remove all “sharps” --kitchen knives, scissors, sharp tools. It’s inconvenient, but necessary.
I have had to do this several times. Knowing my kid, I did not have to lock them all in the trunk of my car. I could put them in the linen drawer or somewhere nearby that wasn’t obvious. However, if he had escalated, I would have locked them up. Five years later, the kid is now appropriately medicated and doing well.</p>
<p>Go to a mental health professional for a risk assessment. Getting in to see a clinician can take weeks. Sure, the present meds may be contributing to the cutting behavior. Let a mental health clinician determine whether this is the only contributing factor. Your child does not have weeks to wait for help. Most communities have a designated mental health crisis service. Your son’s guidance counselor should be able to tell you how to access crisis intervention. If you are still uncertain bout who to call, dial “211.” It is the information line for mental health issues. </p>
<p>Some folks here will likely think that what I am urging is overreactive. I am a mental health clinician. I work with kids. Even if a child is not verbally expressing a wish or plan to suicide, she or he needs to know that society and family will intervene when they exhibit self injurious behavior.</p>
<p>BTW, guidance counselors often juggle this level of mental health support for students while parents of intact students wonder why their child did not get more help with course selection or college preparation.</p>
<p><a href=“Cutting & Self-Harm: Warning Signs and Treatment”>Cutting & Self-Harm: Warning Signs and Treatment;
<p>Perspective.</p>
<p>Pencil sharpener blades were the object of choice for three kids in my daughter’s class. They were banned last month.</p>
<p>WebMD offers a general opinion that cutters are not suicidal. Hopefully, OP’s son is not suicidal.
However, I find that some cutters do make suicide attempts. One young woman who was cutting also procured toxic substances to ingest. Her parents had no idea she was cutting and thought she was developing digestive problems. Eventually, the truth came out, but not until the entire family had experienced immense pain.
Please let mental health professionals assess your child and establish a relationship with a therapist.</p>
<p>One night my niece cut herself with a sweatshirt zipper. Some of these kids are extremely determined. What helped her the most was an adolescent support group. They were taught coping mechanisms and most importantly they found kids like themselves so they didn’t feel so isolated. Some kids cut because the physical pain of cutting displaces their emotional pain, others cut to see their own blood. My D once called a friend’s house to tell the mom that her son was upstairs in the house cutting. </p>
<p>I’ve been thinking a lot about this thread and all the kids and families in this situation. </p>
<p>Thanks, Tempe! We have our initial consult today and I have been sick to my stomach all day.</p>
<p>Good luck. </p>
<p>Mine took overdoses of ibuprofen. More than once. It’s not just the blades. Taking an entire bottle of aspirin can kill a person.</p>
<p>We’re all thinking about you and your son jeannemar - </p>