15 year old won't accept ADD diagnosis

Parents Forum
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<p>I deal with this professionally as well.</p>

<p>No need to scare or inflame. But the family needs to be informed. There needs to be a plan in place for community/academic intervention when medication is to be used. The OP cited no such plan. AND, if medication is indicated, there needs to be at least the hint of a plan of what to do following the 1-2 year pharmacological intervention. </p>

<p>And perhaps the OP has all of this already.</p>

<p>“Pills are not always the answer.
Sometimes they are the answer. Not always, but sometimes.”</p>

<p>True, and in my opinion, we underestimate the effectiveness of placebo. (This is NOT a comment on your situation.) I wish I could find the study just now - there was one around 1998, when they told teachers which supposedly ADHD students (8-9 year olds) were on psychostimulants and which weren’t. The differences in student evaluations (for students, all of whom were taking placebos) were astonishing.</p>

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<p>After years of resisting having any label attached to D2 and a fear of her becoming attached to both the label (as an excuse for her behavior issues) and an Rx, one thing brought me around: the results. Not with the first med, not with the second, but when the second was combined with another, supplemental Rx. She feels the difference, she is tackling her issues.</p>

<p>Need a great psychiatrist who can prescribe, monitor and change Rx- AND counsel. Has to be, IMO, one who very specifically deals with teens and college age (because they face unique challenges during this high-growth, high-pressure period.) The generalist or the ones who also deal with very young kids just don’t have this focus.</p>

<p>As for this argument about research results: we have to understand one set of data is so often easily contradicted by the next study. Things move fast. Fear sells. Let’s agree to go in with our eyes open and some differing perspectives.</p>

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<p>Mini, I would appreciate it if you would start your own thred on the pros and cons of meds for ADHD. Your posts and the arguements muddy the water. Thanks!</p>

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<p>The issue isn’t the pros and cons of meds. The issue is whether THIS OP and her son are getting what they need to make informed decisions IF they decide to use meds (I’m not opposed to meds, used as the research indicates), and, if not, what other options are available to them.</p>

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<p>I am the Op, and it is clear you are not interested in my particular case.</p>

<p>Quote: Back to the OP, he may or may not accept the diagnosis (is a psychologist doing the diagnosing?), and then he may or may not accept the need for pharmacological intervention.</p>

<p>I already said he does not accept the diagnosis, does not accept the meds, and that a psychologist made the diagnosis. </p>

<p>Please start your own thread to address your agenda.</p>

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<p>Menloparkmom - He wanted to join Sentate to make new friends. (He is in the “transition” that come with HS and does not have many friends) He could not think of a teacher that would give him a good recommendation. He did ask one teacher, and he said no! (he did get in–the GC did the rec.) I was just trying to point out that he does a lot of inattentive goofing off and dosen’t think his teachers like him. But dosen’t see the connection to the ADHD.</p>

<p>I did not contact the school yet because I thought it would make him mad, but I guess that is my next step. I just don’t get the extra time on tests. I thought his problem was listening to the stuff and preparing, not the actual test. I thought the extra time on tests would be “too embarrasing.”</p>

<p>Pugmandkate - he wants to do the wait a month plan, but I don’t know how to set parameters. (He dosen’t either) How many missing assignments? A certain grade is acceptable? It just seems like too much pressure and we’ll fight about it then too.</p>

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<p>“Please start your own thread to address your agenda.”</p>

<p>I am sorry you are not getting the information you need. It is clear you don’t have an academic/community intervention in place, and I hope you get one.</p>

<p>I wish you well.</p>

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<p>sureofsomething…parent of ADHD male teen here. I fought meds early in son’s education (1-2nd grade). Tried hard with behav. modificatin and everything else. Meds made a HUGE difference. We agreed to meds when his selfesteem was suffering. We have never regreted that decision. I am an RN, and did lots and lots of research before agreeing to meds. </p>

<p>My son decided this spring that he did not want to take the meds anymore, he did not want to “depend” on them. It made my and my husband’s life hell, and started to affect our relationship with him. He is very different when not taking medications. Difficult to talk to, difficult to plan with, difficult to keep on target, very impulsive. He does not always see it. We FINALLY had a breakthrough about month ago, when he and I were able to list a number of things that should not have been an issue for him became an issue, and he started to get down on himself. Including AP scores, SAT scores, finals, and a summer class grade. My son is smart too. And without the meds, would be able to get by as average to above average without studying. But he is not average, he is smarter, and he is able to do well when focused. He realized at the time the only difference was that he was not aking his meds (DUHHH). </p>

<p>Let me tell you what works best for me when I need to negotiate the meds with my son. It is just that, a negotiation. And a dialogue. He needs to understand that this diagnosis affects the entire family, and it is important to control, just like any other medical diagnosis.

  1. Why don’t you want to take them?
  2. How do they make you feel?
  3. Would you prefer to talk to the doc about this instead of me?
  4. What can we do to improve your success with medications?
  5. How can I best help you with this?
  6. Do we need to adjust medication up or down?
  7. Do we need to try a different medication?</p>

<p>I guess my point is, I do not let the discussion include not taking the medications as an option. I try to overcome the barriers. I just do not want to does not work around here- especially for a medical diagnosis. </p>

<p>My son kept telling me that the medications had started to make him feel nervous, and shakey. This had not been an issue previously, but a few things had changed. Because of a few life issues (girlfriend), he was a little down, and not eating well. The meds do knock out his appetite. So I felt that his symptoms were more related to low blood sugar, lack of food than a med reaction. So he and I set up a 3 day experiment when I would help him remember to eat and make sure he ate food that would sustain him, ESPECIALLY protein in the morning. He eats lunch for breakfast. And a small protein packed lunch. With extra snacks if he felt nervous. Amazing…mom was right. And he was amazed at how much he was able to accomplish. He had been off meds for about 3 months.
He has historically not taken meds on weekends, unless he is doing something scholastic. As he has gotten older, that is more necessary. When he was younger, we were able to use medication free weekends as way to do behavior modification activities outside of school. More under our control. It worked well for behavior, but not for attention. </p>

<p>The other thing to know is that my son tried 5 different types of medication before finding one that works well for him. He treid Adderall (made him a little psychotic- poor baby), Concerta- (ick), Straterra-(threw up every day and was sick to his stomach for 4 weeks) and something else. He finally ended up on Metadate CD, and it has been his match. With all of the different parents i have met, it seems that finding the right match is so very important, and just like with any medical issue, one drug does not fit all. We have also found that there are times that he needs a short acting medication in the afternoon to allow him to remain focused on his homework. Not always, but sometimes. I think the meds clear the system faster when they are growing or something, because there is a definate difference at times. He has not tried the patches they have. </p>

<p>So, what you are going through with your teen is not unusual. And it does take some maneuvering. But getting his buy in, one way or another, may help. </p>

<p>Good luck, you are not alone in your adventure, or the criticism you will get. We have all had helpful parents tell us we are doing terrible harm to our kids. My son is taller than both my husband and I, normal weight, and healthy at 17. And still growing! </p>

<p>Don’t feel bad about pushing this with him. ADHD kids can and do remain impulsive and unfocused into adulthood. Untreated ADHD can cause depression and other social issues with kids and adults. Having a good management plan now will help him be a happier adult. </p>

<p>There are some other threads on CC about ADHD that may help.</p>

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<p>My son was just diagnosed this summer after his freshman year at college. Boy, how I wish we had caught this earlier (very bright students with ADD can function high enough that it goes undetected and yet, they still don’t hit their full potential). While beating myself up for missing this, a number of people pointed out to me that he would have probably been resistance to the ADD label and to taking meds at a younger age. Perhaps. </p>

<p>Now that he will be 20 next month, he is very motivated to fix this and is reading tons of books, trying different meds and supplements. Even so, he’s having a hard time with the ADD label and he was the one who asked to be tested. His fear is this is something that can’t be ‘fixed’ and it will hinder him through out his life. It can be very hard to find the right medication for the individual person. Also- there is some evidence that behavioral therapy (coping skills) is beneficial with or without medication. I’m trying to get son to pursue that venue but am having difficultly steering him in the right direction since he spends 3/4 of the year in another city. Will need to do some research on providers in his college town. Good luck… try to see it as a process.</p>

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<p>momlive- as we are looking for college for our son, we are looking into the services they have available locally to support him. Some colleges have supports built into their college system, but you have to look for them. The first place I would check is on the campus that he attends, and go from there. Let me know if you find good school programs so I can look at them!</p>

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<p>We don’t know enough about your son. “Inattentive” can’t tell us how broadly this affects him- eg, he’s good at sports or a hobby (or reasonably responsible at home or in certain types of situations,) but can’t make the connection with particular academic or social challenges. It’s also important to filter what’s caused by the rigidity and limits of the pre-college school structure. This is where just a testing psychologist cannot focus on the whole picture. Plus, any elements of the diagnosis that rest on your son’s input and insight- it’s not there, it’s not accurate. He’s a kid.</p>

<p>My dau is also smart; she performs best when her schedule is full to a crushing max. In her down time, she exploded and imploded. Her psychiatrist (a gem) specializes in smart kids who have trouble reaching their full potential. They do more than just focus on that, though, because confidence, self-trust and learning through our wins is crucial. (At this age, it’s so much more than acknowledging issues or problems and tackling them. They aren’t there yet.)</p>

<p>She wouldn’t read anything I tried to show her that would give her perspective. That’s more of an adult response. She, too, always wants to “try harder” and makes all sorts of plans, which she doesn’t follow through on. Because she is smart, she understands the front-end, what the goals are, what it takes- but is missing the follow-through skills. The meds help her filter out her distractibility. As she conquers each new challenge or overcomes (even in baby steps) some prior pothole, her core confidence improves and she makes that connection between actions and results.</p>

<p>How do you convince him that a Rx is the solution? That is sometimes an ego-slap. In a sense, you need to focus on what he does do well, no matter how small, to help him see how his approach there can be translated. It’s complex. As one example, my brother suffered every year, until he realized how astute he is at technical challenges. Tech crew in hs, building motorcyles, radio kits, whatever. He was eventually able to translate the attention and precision required there into a more precise approach to academics. Wound up in, yup, a highly technical (white collar) career. My friend’s kid was thought to have a “knowedge retention” issue- but is fabulous at acting, has zero issues memorizing lines and remembering direction. This realization allowed her a different approach to her schoolwork. See how this concept works?</p>

<p>I wish you the best- and so many of us know how hard it is to come up with the right solutions.</p>

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<p>He has every right not to, I don’t think ADD is a disease either. I think its a “made up” disease by drug corporations so they can sell drugs like ritalin, concerta to boost their profits! Before kids like this were called “naughty” etc etc, now they made it a disease.
I was diagnosed with ADD as well at the age of 10, I took the meds for a year, but then my mom stopped giving me the pills after she saw that it decreased my appetite. I didn’t end up very bad, I’m currently in the most prestigious University in Turkey with a gpa of 2,7.</p>

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<p>vlines - I don’t want not taking meds to be an option, but I don’t see how I can make him take them. I have tried asking him whay he dosen’t want to take them, and he just says that he wants to doit on his own, and that if he does better on the meds it would be fake and not him. (He really hasent tried anything yet. He took one Concerta and it made him skick, so the Dr. wants him to try straterra, but he is not willing.)</p>

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<p>It is a real issue. Extra time on tests/quizes is just an example of the types of accommodations offered, depending on the individual. Specific classroom seating is another option, if needed. It depends on your son’s individual needs. I recommend you meet with GC. You may be suprised at what the school has to offer. Of course, you need to be an advocate for your son at the school. But, many have been there before you, advocating for theirs. You may have to take baby steps with your son. He may be willing to try small things and see how it goes from there.</p>

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<p>Was it the lowest dose of Concerta, 17 mg?</p>

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<p>You can’t make him see things the way you do just by telling him. You can’t ask him to explain- he has no insight, only awareness of a problem (if he does acknowledge it.) You can try to gently suggest that if he had a different diagnosis- something he can grasp- eg, an allergy- wouldn’t he be willing to try a pill to make life better? Not having hives and headaches wouldn’t mean his better life, better grades and social experiences were “fake.” It would mean he could be his real self. Maybe even his real self, warts and all. And, when the first doesn’t work, wouldn’t you want to try another? </p>

<p>These drugs are not performance-enhancing cheaters. You are not dealing with an adult on this, don’t expect an adult conversation. You have to buddy-up, in a sense- a string of arguments won’t work. He’s fighting that pressure (and whatever else he perceives.) He has to see it for himself, with your gentle guidance. Or, another adult’s.</p>

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<p>No it’s not. My son never had behavioral issues. There are many types of ADD (I think 6 officially) , some that don’t include hyperactivity. For example, there is an ‘inattentive’ type - which is what my son has. He describes it as ‘brain fog’, he says he often feels like he literally can’t think or focus and when he’s listening to something he can’t follow it. He has an IQ in excess of 140, so it’s not that he’s not smart. Think about how hard life would be if you felt like you had brain fog all the time.</p>

<p>The reason that it has ‘become’ more of a problem is 100 years ago not many kids went to school 5 days a week for 6-8 hours a day. They weren’t made to sit in a classroom and focus all day long. Without the need to focus, the problem doesn’t present itself. Plowing fields doesn’t require a lot of focus.</p>

<p>I don’t think medication is the be all, end all and trust me, I fully understand the profit motivate behind the pharmaceutical industry (and basically every private sector industry in America) but I do know many people who says medication helps them and if it helps, then who am I to say they shouldn’t take it.</p>

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<p>^ And, hyper-focus, the ability to highly concentrate on certain tasks- eg, get good school grades- is often a marker of ADHD. So, Halukan’s personal experience offers no universal truths.</p>

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<p>Some of the meds do make them sick. It can also take a few days, and some dose adjustments to get the right meds and dose. Is there anything that has worked for you in the past to negotiate with him? Do you have anyone in your family that has other health issues, like asthma, diabetes, high blood pressure? Maybe you can try to equate his diagnosis with one of those, and help him see how the meds to not change who they are, but helps them stay healthy. You may have tried that with him already, but thought I would bring it up. </p>

<p>Trust me, I have full empathy for you with this one. Like I said, my son stopped a few months ago too, and it was not easy getting him restarted. I did force him to take the meds when I could, but was only intermittently successful. The “deal” I ended up making with my son was that we would re-evaluate the need for meds after 2 months. By that time, we had the info we needed to determine he needed to restart the meds. </p>

<p>I am not below some type of bribery/positive motivation to get my son to try new and different things. Or to try things my way. Continuation of free room and board is something I mention to him often (LOL), but more practical is something that he can work towards. More motivation for him. </p>

<p>Example: If you get ____ done by ____ deadline we will reward you with _____. </p>

<p>I have also said: I want you to try ____ for the next _______ to see if that helps any. If you can keep doing that, and stay on target for that amount of time, I will ______. </p>

<p>The second one worked great as we were working on getting my son to do his homework right after school before his meds wore off. It became a habit, and he realized doing HW right after school was a good thing. The reward was minimal…but a reward/real goal to work towards. </p>

<p>Would something like that work to get your son try the meds? The goal would be to try them, and actually get data on whether or not they help. If not, then re-evaluate them and determine what the next step is. Different meds or different approach, or something else. </p>

<p>Worked great at 13-15 ish for my son. And works great for many ADHD kids. Not as successful now. Right now he is more into debating and collaboration. But I do see him set up his own mini rewards: “I am going to finish the first 4 pages of this paper then go and get an ice tea from McDonalds”. We would set up the reward to match the task. And yes, often we would just argue it out because some things need to happen just because- like cleaning his room. </p>

<p>Haluckan…I guess that you were just a “naughty”/bad kid, that is why you did not need the medications. Glad you straightened up before you ended up in jail! My son has never been naughty/bad, just frustrated and impulsive. ADHD is no less of a diagnosis than depression. Both are real medical diagnosis.</p>

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<p>Why are you so adamant about drugs as a solution? They are not for everyone and some kids do stop taking them because they make them feel different. They are powerful drugs. Your expectations about his potential could be differently aligned from his feelings of success. High school is pretty linear…everyone takes math, everyone take English, everyone takes science. Perhaps he is not destined for a linear track. Also somewhere toward the end of freshman year kids start asserting their feelings about who they are and defining themselves. It can appear like rebellion to a parent - they want to dress a certain way, or they give up a sport they did all through elementary school, they may switch friends. Much of this is kids trying to tell parents who they are as opposed to parents telling kids who they are. And yes, arguments ensure - most kids do want to please their parents or live up to their parents expectations and parent benchmark for what constitutes success can be different from the kids which can be unbelievably frustrating for both kids and parents. </p>

<p>Perhaps proceed slowly. Help him with organizational skills. Perhaps get him assessed by another professional. I’m guessing he might have friends who take these drugs since they seem pretty pervasive in our current society. Tell him to talk to those kids as it might make him more comfortable about taking the drugs. Do talk to the teachers and GC…they are the front line, they see your son in a setting you don’t have the ability to infiltrate and they can be very perceptive about kids academically and socially. The next couple years are tough years as the kids become more independent.</p>