<p>“The reason he got a lovely spouse now is because of his bank account(probably his intelligence too) - nerds rule.”</p>
<p>His spouse is ordinary looking, but unordinarily brilliant as well as being a nerd who’s committed to many of the causes Gates is committed to. Seems that brains and values are what they have in common. No indication at all she’s a gold digger.</p>
<p>Nerds don’t date. Seriosly my 17 yr old sr daughter who is reasonable attractive but tall and very bright doesn’t get asked out because she doesn’t flirt and lower her level of conversation. This is intimidating to HS boys, but at college things will change.</p>
<p>Northstarmom, maybe it is a Minnesota thing, since you mentioned it also, but D1s class had several large groups of kids that went together (boys & girls) to prom and the winter semi-formal without having specific dates. Sometimes parents (we took a turn once) hosted nice dinners at our houses prior to the event; by the time they were seniors, they made plans to go out. But a date was not obligitory. Some couples joined the big groups, though. My advice to a parent with a kid without a date is to suggest they collect a group of friends together and offer to host a dinner for the group prior to the party. It can be all one gender, or mixed. Not every teen will take you up on the suggestion, but I think it was great for my D and her friends.</p>
<p>S2 (just finished first yr. of colllege), did not go to either prom in h.s. As far as I know he never had an official date in h.s. His group of friends included some girls that hung out with them but as far as I know he has never had a gf. He was well liked and well known as a four year football starter. I would sometimes see his truck painted up by girls in the parking lot before football games (“Ladies Love Country Boys” across the windshield) but he is somewhat shy and prob. never asked anyone out for fear of getting shot down… I do hope he finds someone in college.<br>
S1 was opposite…a ladies man since 7th grade, dated some fo the presttiest girls in h.s
Maybe it was a hard act for D2 to follow so he didn’t try.</p>
<p>Longprime–I’ve got a 23 y/o daughter who sounds just like your son (add music, subtract engineer) who is in SoCal! We need a sub-forum, for sure.</p>
<p>This D went to the prom twice, both dateless. She went with the same group of old time friends–all except for one dateless. </p>
<p>Only a fraction of kids date/have boyfriends in high school. There is a lot more dating in college. Especially for smart girls, I’ve found. The shy boys often come out of their shells in college.</p>
<p>Interestingly, D2 has gone to 2 proms with dates. She said that she has been fortunate that some boys just happened to become interested in dating her just a couple weeks or a month before each prom. This year’s date came out of the blue a bit late, though. She was a week away from asking her friends to come up with a list of boys that she could go to the prom with “as friends.” </p>
<p>She is in the band, so she spends a significant amount of time with the same people. The kids seem to be able to arrange prom dates for each other–everybody knows that it’s just an arranged date, so no pressure–they all hang out at the dance and have fun.</p>
<p>“sometimes the cute, smart, athletic ones can be a bit intimidating for an unsure high school boy!”</p>
<p>How true, how true! Happened to D and she has turned out just fine.</p>
<p>“sometimes the cute, smart, athletic ones can be a bit intimidating for an unsure high school boy!”</p>
<p>I totally agree with this statement!! </p>
<p>Remember, high school is high school. How many times do you encounter an immature situation and think or say…that is so high school!
It is what it is! She will grow up more when she goes off to college and so will the boys!
(Some people never grow up, but that is a different issue!)</p>
<p>She will be fine. Don’t think just because she didn’t go on a date in high school she is never going to go on a date. She will experience so many things while away for college. </p>
<p>The fact that she didn’t go to prom without a date was her decision. She will be just fine! Life is full of decisions and if this was one of her first “big decisions” whether she enjoyed being home or not, she experienced the outcome of her own decision. It could set the ground work for thinking through what decisions she makes in the future…ie, how is she going to feel during and after she has made her choice! It should be a good learning experience for her. </p>
<p>She will be fine and it sounds like she has great parents to help and guide her and worry about her throughout her life!</p>
<p>H always said, “there is only one thing worse than having your daughter NOT asked to the prom, that is…having your daughter asked to the prom”. I felt MUCH more comfortable waiting for D to come home after the junior prom she went to with friends than the senior prom she went to with “loverboy”.</p>
<p>Fang Jr has never had a date, never had a girlfriend. This does not surprise either me or Mr. Fang, neither of whom dated in high school. I used to laugh when people, on hearing of our homeschooling, said, “But what about the PROM?” I figured he didn’t need to go to high school to not go to the prom; he could just as easily not go to the prom as a homeschooler. [I should note that some homeschool groups arrange dances and proms. I don’t know much about them, having never needed to know.]</p>
<p>More women than men attend the college he will go to this fall. Some nice girl will pick him out and pounce.</p>
<p>“Northstarmom, maybe it is a Minnesota thing, since you mentioned it also, but D1s class had several large groups of kids that went together (boys & girls) to prom and the winter semi-formal without having specific dates. Sometimes parents (we took a turn once) hosted nice dinners at our houses prior to the event; by the time they were seniors, they made plans to go out. But a date was not obligitory. Some couples joined the big groups, though. My advice to a parent with a kid without a date is to suggest they collect a group of friends together and offer to host a dinner for the group prior to the party.”</p>
<p>I think it’s a national movement that it’s fine to go dateless to proms. I don’t live in Minn.</p>
<p>When I read this post I felt as if it was written by me!! Our daughter who is a junior and 16 years old has never been on a date nor asked to the prom. All prejudices aside, she is gorgeous!!! People tell me all the time how pretty she is and that the boys must be going ga ga over her and I silently chuckle to myself, if only they knew the truth!! When my husband and I ask her about the boys at school, she replies that she is not willing to “lower herself” to get the attention that the “popular girls” get. Her words. She said she has no desire to go to dances where the couples look like they are practically fornicating on the dance floor. I guess the new way of dancing “Grinding” is a total turn off to her!! I don’t blame her!! On a monetary note, these proms can get quite expensive for the guys, especially if they are going “as friends” Our school prom bids were $95.00 each so almost $200 a couple, then there is the tux rental, at least another $100 and of course everyone goes in a limo so another $100 give or take, coursage etc… you’re upwards of $500 for a night with “just a friend”. My daughter claims she wouldn’t want to do that to anybody…So on the one hand I admire her for being so mature (probably a put off to the high school boys) but also hope that she isn’t missing out on a great high school experience!! Who knows, times have changed since my hubby and I were in high school late 70’s early 80’s… I probably wouldn’t like the dancing or other things that go on today either. Just hope that when she goes off to college things will be better for her… new people, no clicks, no history everyone on an even starting level. Hope that this will give her more confidence in herself to find guys that she’ll have more in common with.</p>
<p>Ditto above. I think a lot of the most attractive/accomplished girls in HS just scare off the guys, who are, in general, more immature than the girls at that age. So don’t worry about your D. (If the guys were all flocking around her, you’d have more to worry about!)</p>
<p>Prom means different things at different schools. When I was in HS, it was couples only.
I never dated and never went to any dances. I didn’t feel bad about it, either–even though my twin went to most of them. My parents ignored the whole thing. </p>
<p>My D was a new, part-time student senior year. EVERYONE just HAS to go to the senior prom at this school, and a girlfriend asked D to go with their group (which started with 6 people and ended with about 30 as more “strays” joined up.) D observed that those who went without dates seemed to be having more fun at the prom. The group she hangs out with is mostly AP scholars, foreigners. Very few of them are dating. These kids are focused on college and are all leaving town, going in different directions–so they’re not interested in getting “attached” right now.</p>
<p>There’s absolutely nothing wrong with girls asking guys out on dates, including to prom. Girls needn’t just sit back waiting to be approached. Times have changed. Girls needn’t be as passive as we were raised to be. And, there also is nothing wrong with going to prom with a group of friends, including with a group of female friends.</p>
<p>My Son’s girlfriend was a senior, 5 weeks from turning 18, before she had her first date. The choir went on a trip to Italy, she and Son hung out in the same group and they’ve been dating ever since. (for 15 months now) I was just thrilled for her that they started dating a bit before her senior prom, otherwise she wouldn’t have gone. She’s cute and sweet and talented but definitely not a flirt.</p>
<p>S is a 19 year old math/computer science geek who has never been on a date. S’s father went on his first date when he was 27, with S’s mother who was 21 and had more experience with dating and relationships. S only thinks about dating when prodded by his mother, and he admits he expects to follow in his father’s footsteps and hopes things will work out for him as well as they have for his parents. S’s mother sees so much of S’s father in S that she is confident S will eventually experience the joy of being a spouse and a parent. Meanwhile, S is focused on his studies and S’s mother practices patience.</p>
<p>Never went to the prom. Was never asked. My mom was horrified. Went to college and suddenly was asked out. It takes some people a while to figure out that it’s the nice people one ought to date!</p>
<p>S1 went to the homecoming dance w/a bunch of friends, was appalled by the grinding and said no thanks to prom. </p>
<p>S2, at a different school, went to prom with his long-time GF. They spent most of their time in the lobby, because it was the only place they could hear each other talk. No slow dances the entire night. I doubt they’ll go next year – it just wasn’t their thing. They liked the homecoming dance at their school better. More slow dancing, less grinding, classier operation.</p>
<p>Im with oldfort
My younger daughter is gorgeous- my jaw drops to think we are related or that some people even think I kinda look like her 
However friendly she is to her friends- I also imagine she could be intimidating to a boy.- she also can be quiet but that can come off as donotapproachme.
She went to the senior prom with friends- as a group ( although some were paired up) and had a great time- she said it was nice being about to dance with who you wanted, without the drama.</p>
<p>My daughter went on maybe one or two “dates” with guys in high school (none of which she told me about – learned about them from the rumor mill). She never had a boyfriend. Now she’s been through two years of college, and from what I can tell, there’s been even less action – no dates, no boyfriend (although lots of friends who are boys), nothing. Perhaps she’s hooking up, and maybe I’m naive to say this, but I doubt it. </p>
<p>So to the posters who think this gets better in college – don’t count on it.</p>
<p>The worst is that she absolutely refuses to discuss this with me. I don’t want to suggest to her that her lack of a relationship is a problem – but even when I ask her something like, “is there a guy you think is cute,” she shuts down. So I have no idea whether this bothers her or not.</p>
<p>So if anyone has any suggestions for how to discuss this with her, I’d love to hear them.</p>
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<p>Some things never change; back in the day I was shocked to learn that one of my good friends who was absolutely the best looking girl in my class (she later went on to be a Ford model) did not have a date to the senior prom three days before the event. She was eventually named the winner.</p>
<p>She was a 5’11" natural blonde with blue/green eyes and was drop dead gorgeous. Everyone either assumed she would not go out with them or were too afraid to ask. She hardly dated in HS and if she did it was usually someone from another school or a college guy but she never really had a long term boyfriend. She was actually a very sweet and unassuming person but her stunning looks made other girls jealous to the point of making up stories about her and made most of the boys too afraid to talk to her let alone ask her out. </p>
<p>We were close confidantes and shared virtually everything about each others lives…at our tenth reunion she asked me why I never asked her out… I was 5’8"’ and always felt awkward about the height difference…she said she would have dated me in a minute…oh well…guys really can be pretty stupid when it comes to reading women.</p>
<p>“…The worst is that she absolutely refuses to discuss this with me. I don’t want to suggest to her that her lack of a relationship is a problem – but even when I ask her something like, “is there a guy you think is cute,” she shuts down. So I have no idea whether this bothers her or not…”</p>
<p>Maybe she isn’t attracted to males and doesn’t feel you’d react well to the news?</p>