<p>That’s the question my son(only one child) asked me tonight. We’ve applied to 11 schools and have 2 early acceptance letters, Clemson and San Diego State. Don’t expect to hear from rest until Feb/Mar. My son’s question has me baffled.He will still be at home for two months as an 18 year old and I don’t know how much leeway should I give this new adult while he is still at home. He has been a wonderful young man and student, but should I allow him carte blanche over the summer or set some reasonable rules. What are reasonable rules??? If you have ideas please be specific. Thanks for any help you can provide.</p>
<p>My (only) daughter turned 18 this past September, after having been in college about 6 weeks. Like your s, she has been (and continues to be ) a wonderful young lady and student. Obviously, we cannot control the choices they make when away at school, but she happened to be home for the fall break shortly after turning 18. Up to then, she had a midnight curfew. At 18, we asked her to keep us in the loop of her plans as an evening evolves (when she’s in town), come in quietly and turn off the lights. No more curfew. (Usually results in a text message or two.) For us, it’s about communication, trust and mutual respect – we have always let other family members know general plans and locations (who’s going to be around for dinner, etc) and just asked her to continue to respect that. She does not have her own car, so if she needs to borrow one of ours, again, there’s some negotiation and planning that needs to take place.</p>
<p>It’s your house so the rules should be what’s reasonable according to ‘you’. He might not like that but as long as he lives there he needs to respect it whether he’s 17, 18, or 25.</p>
<p>In short, not much changes from one day to the next just because he has a birthday.</p>
<p>It means you are no longer legally responsible for their finances and shenanigans . You COULD kick them out…not that anyone would want to do that…Okay, I know plenty counting the days, but no one one college confidential. </p>
<p>I think first that husband and I are way past 18, but still understand that we worry about each other, and like to know what to expect.</p>
<p>We loaded up on insurances that are mostly risk dependent and small component based on age.
At a certain point, a parent can not get a signature from the child but there is a window where the child is still a minor and but signatures are deemed a valid adult.</p>
<p>S turned 18 last summer. I was thinking - hey now it’s basically hands off, stand back, yada, yada. 3 weeks later he’s out on his bike, calls home, “mom, I had an athident, I thin I broke my jwaw.”. 2 hospitals, 13 hours, and thousands of dollars later - mom’s always mom. </p>
<p>Otherwise, we’ve had several discussions about him making his own decisions, so if he says " mom, can I…" I say “Son…” and we both know what that means. Harder to get H to adjust to the new reality.</p>
<p>Turning 18 didn’t really change any of our house rules but my kids have all been pretty mellow and not interested in testing boundaries. I think things changed more the first time they come home from college, after they’ve had some time on their own. Mostly it was just getting home very late and then sleeping in.</p>
<p>If he hasn’t already he must register for selective service online. Not doing so can affect federal financial aid. as far as house rules nothing changed for us. DS didn’t turn 18 until he was in college. At that point we didn’t really have rules as much as agreements for everyone’s comfort. the basics of checking in, not being loud when you come home late,etc.
We did sit down with ours at 18 and have a reality check. A kind of in the eyes of the law you are an adult and with those rights come consequences talk.</p>
<p>Good advise here. Use your best judgement according to your child. In our home we simply reminded them they lived in a family community and there were lots of benefits (a warm home, meals, etc.) and a few responsibilities (letting us know when to expect them for dinner, being home by X on a work night…ours not theirs, etc.). We expect to be afforded the same respect we give each other as adults in this home (DH & I) that make it work. We have a 20yo and 18yo. The oldest didn’t agree with a few house rules regarding school (community college or full time job/your choice…you will not sit on my sofa, eat snacks, and work pt, while not going to school) so he chose to move out for a while. It was VERY hard to hold firm on this but we did. He saw that home was not such a bad place and returned rather quickly…he’s currently in school and working pt. ;)</p>
<p>A few legal things change. Make sure you get him to sign a HIPPA with all doctors, so you can make inquiries on billing. D1 fell off horse & had bad concussion 3 months after she turned 18 and, of course, there were billing & insurance issues with the urgent care clinic I took her to for CAT scan and until she signed HIPPA no one would talk to me. </p>
<p>The joke my friend had with her daughter is she was now legal to gamble and buy porn, so they got her some lottery tickets and a magazine for her 18th!</p>
<p>We also cut D1 off from her allowance at 18. It was mostly to push her to find a after-school job, as she was sitting around. She ended up with a great PT nanny job that lasted through the summer.</p>
<p>A few legal things change.</p>
<p>I don’t see any reason why things should change at home.</p>
<p>However, this may be because one of my kids turned 18 during his senior year of high school but the other did not turn 18 until after she graduated. It did not seem logical to treat them differently during their respective senior years based on the fact that they were born at different times of the year. I would not have felt comfortable, for example, cutting off one kid’s spending money in the middle of senior year but not doing the same thing with the other one.</p>
<p>I agree with the above.
With additional freedoms come additional responsibilities.
If he is ready to take on additional responsibility then perhaps renegotiating things is warranted- But as long as your parents are providing the home for you- you follow their rules under their roof.</p>
<p>I’d agree with post 12 100%. Plus:
We discussed this very thing with S 6 or 9 months before he would turn 18.
Legal Freedoms! But the child forgets the freedom is as much to the parent as the child. Children forget that though they can now make their own decisions, so can the parents. They are over 18 also. Always before, practically no matter what the kid did, it was still the parents job to tuck him in at night(figuratively). Child can now vote, enter contracts, have medical privacy, obvious things. Parent no longer has to provide food, clothes, bed, room, laundry, not even a pair of socks. Most all parents want to do so, we did. But student needs to grasp just as he can legally come and go anytime(one example) the parents no longer have to just “take it”. They are supporting the household, and just as they could tell a disruptive houseguest to leave, they can do the same now with the 18 yr old.
After 18, parents continue to provide for those needs and likely more too, with advice, money, emotional support, all the nice things because they want to. Most want to do so, most do, as I said, we did.
But our S had an understanding well before 18, that to stay beyond 18 was a gift we wanted to give him. If he wanted to stay, he needed to behave in a way that we would still want him here. At 18 we could no longer legally control his behavior- but no longer can he control ours, either.
I don’t mean we throw him out for a silly thing like leaving a light on in an empty room, but things we foresaw what we might truly call disruptive.
We also made it clear when he was supporting his own home, he might have house rules too, such as no smoking, or no illegal drugs, etc. The privilege of setting house rules does not come with being 18, but with being in one’s own house.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the great input. Hope you are all successful with your son/daughter’s college apps. I think the waiting is by far the worst part.</p>
<p>There is also greater legal responsibility in civil and criminal matters. If any kind of romantic relationship exists or could exist, have them look up the local definition of statutory rape.</p>
<p>My son turned 18 and is his senior year of HS. In general, since he has a car now he comes and goes more independently but still keeps us informed if he is going to be later than usual. We try to give him a wider berth. We used to eat nightly dinners together but this year he often is out with friends (some are in college locally) or with his girlfriend so we do only one or two a week. I also no longer ask him much about school work. In earlier grades I tracked more.</p>