I’ve been to several weddings where the DJ was a relative and I’m guessing performed as a gift to the wedded couple. It seems many loved ones of the couple are honored to be considered to be emcee and/or DJ.
Thankfully, my kids’ wedding DJs were just what my kids wanted - they stuck to the playlist, were responsive to guest requests (either for a specific song or to turn the music down a little bit), and didn’t insert too much of themselves into the proceedings. I’ve been to weddings where the DJ detracted from the reception by telling us too much about himself or making bad jokes. People will dance if they want to and many don’t enjoy being exhorted to get up there by the DJ. My kids have budgeted about 1K for their DJs (possibly a bit more for the July 2017 wedding).
D has a work friend (who she was planning to invite to the wedding anyway) who is married to a man who is a DJ. She and SIL met with him and ended up hiring him. They chose a terrific playlist (including Latin American music of SIL’s heritage) and the DJ was really great.We are still getting positive feedback.
Photographer booked! Woohoo!
.D and FSIL coming home next weekend to look at some venues, and they will choose a date from there. We are meeting the future in laws for the first time next Saturday; we’re all going out to dinner. I know some people who work with FSIL’s dad (he is a professor), and they really like him. Not sure why I feel nervous! They want to help pay, which is great, so I am sure that will be discussed. D is declining to look at a really amazing venue because she feels it is too expensive compared to other options. I taught her well. 
However, I feel a little bad, because between the two sets of parents, it wouldn’t be that outrageous - but D and FSIL don’t want us to spend more than necessary for a nice event.
DD and FSIL are busy getting things decided on. They have the cake maker - top layer (and they will make an extra top for the couple to save for later) and groom’s cake will be cow dairy free for the guests and FSIL that can eat that. They are looking at two men’s suits - FSIL will talk to his best man (his brother) to decide. Wedding is in July. Her dress and veil will come from Italy in March. She is running some things by DD2 (MOH) about RSVP on web site or email. Whatever they decide will be fine - they know the younger generation and the majority of guests are these 20 something crowd. I think they are also a little concerned about crashers from acquaintances that don’t have manners.
Maybe not in itself. But my daughter and future son-in-law are further into the process, and it’s become evident that there are many other things to pay for besides the venue. More things, actually, than I expected, and the prices are higher than I expected, too.
In addition to the venue (which in their case, is the location for both the ceremony and reception and also provides the catering), there’s the officiant, DJ, photographer, day-of-wedding coordinator (they’re not using a full-fledged wedding planner), wedding cake, flowers, save-the-dates and invitations, bridal gown, bridal gown alterations and accessories, clothing for the groom, wedding rings, and several less expensive but essential things like liability insurance and a marriage license. And in this particular couple’s case, there are transportation and lodging costs because they live in one part of the country but the wedding will be in a different part of the country, where they both grew up and many family members still live.
It adds up. I feel like they’re being nickeled and dimed to death, where nickel is defined as $500 and dime is defined as $1000.
I am very, very glad that they chose the least expensive venue of the three they visited.
The wedding venue my kids have, had a fire there this week. Thankfully it was small and contained. I’m sure it will be repaired well before their wedding.
Although… Maybe they would have reconsidered and gone to Los Vegas like we wanted them to do :))
D1 and I are doing a whole weekend of visiting and interviewing everyone for the wedding. It is exhausting with a lot of bonding moments. We’ve found almost everything needs to be negotiated, down to the gratuity.
Well it seems like the Bride’s grandparents are planning to come to the wedding with the help of others. It adds a new layer of stress because their health is really too poor for the long travel, but son will bring them if they don’t have health issues to cancel. The problem is it that it is very long car travel; recuperation at our home before and after the wedding (wedding is at a city 100 miles from our home), and the constant distraction of their medical needs. If other granddau was not coming - but great granddau is flower girl.
And it turns out cousin’s June wedding is getting postponed for a year as the bride’s sister is getting married this year.
So that postponement had things move up, because grandparents would have perhaps gone (or tried to go) to the other wedding and then been too worn out for my DDs.
We had grandparents attend a wedding…and college graduations as well. Another family member or two were asked to deal,with the grandparents so the parents of the bride/groom/graduate did not have to do so. This was made VERY clear at the beginning of the plans.
My opinion…the parents of the bride and groom should not have this additional responsibility. If there are other family members who can step up…ask them to please do so.
The son and his GF will somewhat be ‘in charge’ of grandparents, but it will add strain to our household for sure.
Don’t wish for illness, but if something occurs between now and July medically on either - I know the grandparents are really motivated to come, but it sure has me concerned. Grandparents were not sent a college graduation invitation, and they were not doing great at that time medically. The family didn’t discuss and they didn’t as well, so it was a low stress graduation (just the graduate’s sister, parents, and BF - who is now fiance’).
My D’s August wedding was announced in March of 2016. My younger sister announce 6 weeks ago that she is getting married in June a thousand miles away. (Gee, Great! Our family has nothing else to do this year. Yes, I’m annoyed.)
But I slapped the happy face on and offered to deal with the transport and housing of our Dad and his wife, both of whom have medical, physical challenges, along with his wife just being a plain PIA. Sister was very grateful.
Then I told her I expected that she would have no problem dealing with Dad & PIA in August. I’ve also enlisted my brother to assist as well. This is my D & FSIL’s day, and I just don’t want, nor have the bandwidth to deal with anything other than the bride and groom’s happiness that day…I want to be there for THEM.
Am also very, very grateful to my awesome close friends who offered up very early on, “we’ll be your B**ch that day for anything you need or anyone that needs to be dealt with”. Love them! Just hope I won’t have to take them up on their offer!!
I wish that my sibling would step up and help with my mom. I don’t think that will happen though. I tried to get them to make housing arrangements for the grandparents but that didn’t work out either. My mom is on a limited income and was really stressing out about where to stay. I finally booked 2 3 bedroom condos for family to stay in. I’m not sure if it’s enough room but if my sibling comes and there is a potential conflict, I’m sure we can rent another smaller condo.
My mom is in reasonable good health and my IL’s are a spry 80. I don’t anticipate any problems but I also don’t think that anyone will help either.
SOS, these are your in-laws? Maybe the grandparents recuperate at a quiet, local hotel, instead of your home. Maybe someone stays with them, there. Family roles are hard to break and you may end up with far more distraction than you can handle. I’d go for more than someone “somewhat” responsible for them, that’s fraught with risks that that relative goes off to dinner or hangs back, leaving it to you. If this is your daughter, she deserves to be the center of attention.
And if the wedding is another 100 miles, they may not make that part. Who stays with them, then? You may need an outside helper set up, a day person. My friend did that for all special events, hired a home help person to be with her mom, help her around or to the bathroom, make sure meds were still taken, etc.
Thanks @lookingforward - I have had their medical stuff disrupt things before. DD has grandma’s name, and she is not the favorite (the favorite is the oldest and first grandchild who also usually spent at least two nights a week at grandma/grandpa’s), but all the granddaus are special because in-laws had 4 boys.
The WORST disruption was after I had DD1. MIL came down with my family and ‘stayed to help’. Well, I was taking care of the baby overnight because she really wasn’t any help. Then late one morning, she was very ill (asked me to take her to a doctor) - I was worn out! I called DH to deal with his mother. He came home at lunch, and surmised that she had a migraine w/o the headache (which is something he had before). She also wouldn’t properly manage her arthritis; well I worked for a rheumatology group, and one of my kind docs evaluated her and gave her a steroid shot (she wouldn’t take the oral pills but waited until she put herself into a crisis). Then a few days later, her older sister died very suddenly of a heart attack. She immediately wanted to leave - H had a round trip ticket with his airline points - the return was open ended for a year. She never used the other leg.
I would have loved to have used that ticket, but it was used for MIL. I sort of felt like let the screen door slam her behind on the way out the door. I felt like I was having to manage baby plus one.
Now my mom was a great help with DD1 and a little with DD2. When mom was at my home, she would alternate with me having the baby’s bassinet next to her bed, so I could get more sleep.
DH was more help with DD2. He just never held a baby before our godson, and only held him a few minutes. DH was more comfortable after he observed everyone and ‘practiced’ after all visitors had left.
I’m hoping the grandparents who are still alive will be able to come to DDs wedding. It is doubtful that My FIL will be able to. He has very significant health issues. My MIL probably can make the trip but she will need another family member to assist her…and get her where she needs to be ON TIME…which is not her strong suit. DH and I will NOT be in charge of that.
I’m pretty sure my husband’s siblings will help,out. But believe me…I will make sure there is a plan before the wedding weekend!
Talked to DD1 today. They have invitations ordered. DD is off from work today and has about 3 appts. They have set up with ‘The Knot’ wedding registry and wedding web site. I talked her through the instructions to be very clear on, and also having people’s names entered in correctly with enough instructions so their RSVP will work as they planned.
I have begged her to have a few things done by next week. FSIL has a brief illness and he is behind on his stuff. I have made some suggestions that she agreed to. DD2 can also guide DD1 along, since DD2 is very organized. The big things have to be moving along, and many of them are. Now to get the rest moved along. FSIL hasn’t gotten some of his ‘save the dates’ out either…ugh.
D1 and I went up to the wedding location last weekend. It was very productive. We finalized on the venue, booked the band, florist, photographer, videographer, welcome party venue, and hotels.
We were surprised that most hotels said they would only block ~20 rooms. Those hotels have approximately 150 rooms. We are going to have to block rooms at multiple hotels. Are you having similar response?
The hotels have been a thorn for us @oldfort. The kids are getting married in a small town though. The nicest place, which is not that nice, wasn’t available at all. Another hotel was expensive, a 2 night minumium and not nice. The kids did book a block but they only allowed 10 rooms. I found a timeshare nearby and booked a couple of condos for us. The hotels were quite a bit of stress for me.
@SOSConcern, I’ve found it will all get done. Not on my timetable but it will. And if it doesn’t, I have to be zen about it. Even if I’m half crazed by the whole process, I pretend. Lol!