@runnersmom - I would. expect people to drop by for half an hour of so over 2-3 hr period. Even though we are having ~170 at the wedding, I would expect to have more than 30-40 people there at a time.
D1 is going to do RSVP online, so people could check off which even they want to attend.
Thanks, all. What you’ve described, @oldfort, is what I was thinking, but I’d prefer not to be feeding 150 people in any capacity. I was thinking more 50-60 total. That’s the number who will likely be at the hotel.
My update: I guess this is really happening–invitations have been mailed! S (groom) designed them. Pretty nice. Maybe not perfect, but he is proud of them! One oversight–forgot to include the hotel phone numbers on the “info.card.” Had the hotel names and addresses at least–people can look up the phone numbers, but annoying oversight. (S joked that he was testing if old people could use Google. . .)
Today re-confirmed rehearsal dinner (we’re hosting for about 35 people) reservation (private room at casual bar/grill type restaurant). Got menus/prices for that. Keeping it casual, because that’s the kind of people we are 
Made hotel reservations for our family. People (my relatives) just started texting me on Saturday that they’d received the invite. Surprised to hear that 14 rooms were already reserved.
Still haven’t gotten my dress, but bride’s mom now has hers (navy with some sparkles on the top). Would it be “against the rules” if I also wore navy? Or some sort of blue? My two sisters want to do a girls’ weekend in a city halfway between us (we are 10+ hours apart) and go shopping. I appreciate the thought, but not sure if I really want to add a trip to my list of stresses. . .
Personally, I would avoid navy (unless something like navy skirt or navy jacket over another color dress), but another shade of blue would look really nice. Good thing is that any other color coordinates nicely with navy. Can’t think of another color you could pick that wouldn’t look good in same picture.
But I don’t buy the “MOG wears beige” thing.
@runnersmom , We did a day after breakfast for anyone that stayed overnight at an area hotel. We had it at a restaurant connected to one of the hotels - the one the bride and groom stayed in. We were able to reserve an area of the restaurant and everyone was able to buy the (very good) buffet. An employee counted heads and we paid for everyone at the end. It was really nice, casual and unlike the fairly loud reception, you could easily talk to people. We did not announce it ahead of time but stuck an invitation in each of the hotel bags. We had 140 people at the wedding and probably 40 people at the breakfast.
Well, I’m ready to kick someone. Just found out, because a guest had trouble making reservations at one of the wedding block hotels, that the sales associate input the wrong days into their computer. Totally their fault - I have our contract showing the correct days and number of rooms requested, big as life. So now what?
We’re about 130 days out, so maybe I can find another area hotel and reserve a block there. Maybe the second hotel we reserved can give us more rooms. Maybe the current hotel can straighten it out, but I’m not impressed by their casual approach to trying to fix a pretty major error. They have us down for rooms we never asked for two days before the wedding and, best of all, NO ROOMS for the night of the wedding itself. We can break the contract with them without penalty at this point.
Gotta say, there have been hotel issues with all of my kids’ weddings. Argh. I tried to take care of this 7 months ago.
@mom60 You might have them check out the Stage Coach Inn in Newbury Park. We just got a price from them - it is $2500 for the venue, and I believe you have to add a security guard if there will be alcohol. We did our DD1’s wedding there 8 years ago and it was the lowest price option we could come up with. Wedding party can use the old schoolhouse as a dressing room as well as the basement area of the Inn. The Inn is open during the wedding and docents are there if people are interested in touring. There is a barn, and an older school house as well as a bridge and lovely area for photos. Food is BYO and you will have to rent tables, chairs and linens, etc. We had a great time there 8 years ago. We just looked at it again for DD2’s spring '18 wedding but she wants someplace different than her sister. I can pm you the direct contact info for the coordinator if you think you are interested- you can email the Inn directly but they are slow getting back to you.
Weddings here are priced way more than we all want to spend. We have looked at every venue in Ventura/SB County and it is outrageous. We just decided to move it to Tucson, where some of her fiance’s family live and total prices are about 40% of the cost in this area.
@frazzled1, what an unpleasant surprise. Does the hotel not have rooms available for the proper dates? I’m sure I will be concerned until the rooms are booked at our one hotel and the venue comes through with all the perks offered with a block the size of ours. With events like this, I feel like we put plans in place and hope that everything works out when the time comes. We’re six months, give or take a couple of days, out and while I think the things on our end (rehearsal dinner/hotel/brunch) are in place, as you can tell from my brunch questions above…not as in place as I thought they were. I keep telling myself that the bride’s family has many more pieces to fall into place and all will be fine.
Very likely we will have a little continental breakfast the next day as we also will have a large number of out of town guests.
So what’s the best way to let out of towners know about the breakfast? Put it on the information card that goes out with the wedding invitation to all guests? Put it on the wedding website? Put it in the welcome bags (if we do them)?
I’m thinking of the welcome bags…that way it’s a controlled group of invitations. Any other local relatives or out-of-town guests not staying at the hotel could be invited via email or note.
We want a count well before the brunch takes place…so we know how many to expect. We will be laying by the person this brunch.
It will be one of the things to RSVP for. We are having a welcome thing too…and we will need RSVP for that too.
It will all be included on the RSVP…which might get done online.
We’re a little under five months out and things are mostly falling into place. D and FSIL live out in the PNW and that’s where the wedding will be. They are both originally from the Midwest and so the majority of the attendees from both sides will be flying in for the wedding. We’re paying for the wedding, but our daughter and future son-in-law are hosting a cookout the night before with all guests invited. It was kind of a last minute decision in the past couple weeks to host a breakfast the morning after the wedding. Again, everyone is invited, but I think there will be some who don’t attend because they have early flights. So the RSVPs have lines for attending the wedding, the Welcome Dinner, and the Farewell Breakfast. D is so excited for so many friends and family making the big trip out for the wedding that she wants to make sure she has time to visit with everyone.
I’ve ordered a few potential MOB dresses from Nordstrom that should come later this week. FIL is turning 85 this week and won’t be able to make it to the wedding. D and FSIL, as well as our S and SIL, are all coming home this weekend and we are going over to celebrate FIL’s birthday. So hopefully one of the dresses I ordered will be a winner and it will be good to have D here to give her opinion. I am very fashion challenged and appreciate her input!
We have never been to a wedding without a morning after brunch. A Persian wedding lasts all night and breakfast is served at 7 in the morning. Mr. Ellebud, ever the party pooper, insisted on going back to the room at 2 a.m. For our son and dil we did a simple brunch. Fish platters, fruit, mimosas…are simple and not expensive.
What does this group think about timing the save-the-dates and invitations? The Martha Stewart Weddings website says that save-the-dates should be sent 3-4 months in advance (longer for a destination wedding), while invitations should be sent 6-8 weeks in advance. We sent save-the-dates 5.5 months in advance because relatives were asking. We’re hoping to order the invitations this week and send them in early April. That will be 3.5 months before the wedding.
For some reason, this week my side of the family started planning with a vengeance. I’m grateful because that’s how I found out so soon about the hotel block mess-up. Still, I’m feeling some pressure. What’s on the registry? Where are the hotels? Should guests have gotten a link to the wedding website on their save-the-dates? Well, they didn’t, but maybe that’s something you folks who haven’t done save-the-dates yet might want to include. I thought that 3.5 months would give guests enough time to plan. (Very few of them will have to make airline reservations.)
I think it depends on a lot of things. My S and FDIL did online save-the-dates and sent them out almost 8 months in advance because they are getting married Labor Day weekend and wanted people to know before summer plans were made. I thought that was really early, but I understood their reasoning. The invitations will be sent about 12 weeks in advance but there will be an interim update via the STD list serve with the link to the wedding website where the info about the hotel, registry etc. will be available.
Around here…Save the Date are sent out six months before…and invites 90 days before. That is pretty much what everyone I know does.
@frazzled1, this is the hotel’s error and I would be asking them how they are going to make it good. If they can’t provide number of rooms in your contract, and you need to get another hotel (which no doubt will be further away, more expensive, etc), they should be providing the additional transit and compensation for the inconvenience. Do you have wedding insurance? This may fall under it. Call the hotel manager and press the issue.
Save the dates: My D’s went out 8 months in advance. Many want/need to know for vacation planning, flights, hotels, etc. Virtually all of the 300 guests live at least two hours away from wedding and there will be guests coming from all four US time zones. They wanted to get STD’s out because this is a very busy year for them: 5 weddings in addition to their own; moving to new apartment; their work busy season, etc. And they did have the wedding website on the STD cards…but in small print, so many missed that detail.
Just wondering…when do the bride and groom send a thank you? A few years ago we received a postcard with the bride and groom holding a sign saying THANK YOU!!! Hope you had fun! I thought that was tacky. Now, the kids choose to not do anything.
It depends a great deal on the people involved. I generally get a handwritten thank you note for most gifts (including cash) I give, including for weddings, showers, babies, graduations & other occasions. Sometimes the thank you notes are pretty generic and make me wonder if they kept track of who gave them what. Getting a postcard with the couple holding a sign should be accompanied by a handwritten note IMHO. Just a postcard would be meh–lazy!