Thanks, y’all. It’s helpful to read your thoughts on this.
D1’s first choice for the reception venue is actually pretty large and she hesitated to tell me since we’re paying for it all. Without going into details that might out me if anyone we know reads PC, it’s a unique place with ties to her profession as well as some great family memories. If she had to choose, she’d rather have an inexpensive wedding gown and cut other costs in order to spend more on the reception. Photos I’ve seen of buffets there show staff serving in the buffet line, so that could remove one concern.
Dh is delighted and we just hope the couple can find a date that works for both the church and the reception venue, as well as their job schedules. That’s going to be a pain because the church won’t let them select a date until they have completed a Pre-Cana weekend, filed a bunch of paperwork (including an original baptism certificate from the parish - my copies won’t suffice) and gotten permission from the bishop (since FSiL isn’t Catholic.) It’s hard to be remain positive and be supportive when I’d actually prefer they consider other options.
“With a buffet, you have the problem of people shoveling all kinds of bits and pieces of food onto their plate, where they mingle poorly in an unappetizing mess.”
But that’s there problem, right? Everyone can make a plate the way they choose.
I think buffets are pretty common. Or another option I’ve seen is that the salad course is plated and already on the table or served just after seating. Buffet for rest of the meal. I’ve been to a couple of small weddings where the food was served family style. Platters of the different options were brought to each table. I liked the concept but found it was annoying if someone hot talking and didn’t pass the platter.
It would be great if those who have had their weddings can come back and tell us what worked and what didn’t.
@doschicos I freely admit that I am a control freak when it comes to food. So a buffet is great for me, personally, but not necessarily for my guests!
Honestly, I’d almost rather have small plates and stations, and give each guest a tray! (Actually, that’s not a bad idea…The less mobile would be attended to by friends, family, and the large number of servers roaming, whisking away, and filling. )
I have been to events that have multiple food stations and small plates but never at a wedding reception, for some reason. It seems like it would be a fun idea.
The last big wedding I attended had a carving station and others for veggies and sides. Everything went smoothly and the food was fantastic.
@Silpat - Permission from the bishop? My H wasn’t Catholic when we married and all he needed was proof of his baptism (a letter from the church sufficed). All I had to do was sign a statement stating that I would do my best to see that any children from the marriage were raised Catholic (they were.) We even got a break on Pre-Cana. My husband got a chance to go to Korea with the Army National Guard the week we were scheduled, so they let us go a month after our wedding. I was surprised at how reasonable the Church was. I expected a battle royal.
Don’t get me started on the Church. H & I were married by a priest. My D was not baptized in the Catholic church (H is Catholic, I am not). But she had her First Communion, Confirmation, Profession of Faith, etc. in the same parish. She attended Catholic HS and college. She’s a eucharistic minister and has her parish donation on auto pay. When her and FSIL tried to set up Pre Cana, yet again, the Church wasn’t sure she was a good enough Catholic because of no Catholic Baptism!
H and I are 2,000 miles away and had to go in and meet with our local priest to vouch for her Catholicness…separately, so we couldn’t cheat! He compared our answers and apparently we passed the test, so he gave his blessing/signed some papers and D & FSIL were able to do the Pre Cana classes, so they can get married in a Catholic church at her Catholic college. If it was me, I would have told them what they could do with their paper, but it’s important to D, so I bit my tongue. Still hurts.
Believe me, I get a facial tic every week when my H drops a check in the offering plate. And the Church wonders why they are losing Millenials…
I love a good buffet myself because it’s easier for me to accommodate my own low-carb preferences. D has a weird aversion to buffets of any kind (don’t know where that came from!), so she’s having a plated reception dinner. I think either is fine.
Agree, it can vary by diocese.
I was married in the Episcopal church at a time when some insisted both in the couple be baptized. Fortunately, my great aunt had whisked me away, as an infant, and taken care of that. In my case, it didn’t have to be an Episcopal baptism.
My mother was stunned, yup. I still have the original. The priest who married us, in DH’s home church, would not have insisted. It was the priest who “counseled” us, at the church we then attended, across the country, who wanted it.
@Bestfriendsgirl, yep - she must get permission from the bishop. D1 shared the pre-meeting information booklet and that was just one of the things that surprised me. She has to provide an “original” (as in, sent straight from the parish) Confirmation certificate in addition to an original baptism certificate. I can’t believe too many people would fake such documents, so what’s the point?
@gosmom, I’m trying to bite my tongue, too. Dh & I have told her that it’s fine with us if she and FSiL choose to get married elsewhere but he doesn’t want to say more than that. I wonder how FSiL is going to react when he hears what’s required.
Can’t they just? I think ours is relatively lenient because the area is less than 6 percent Catholic and lots of people think we all have horns and tails. The vast majority of Catholics marry non-Catholics and I think the Church doesn’t want to make it any harder than it has to be to avoid alienating people even more. Among our circle of friends, nearly every couple is a cradle Catholic wife and a convert husband. When H and I started dating, he shared an apartment with two other guys. All married Catholics, converted and sent their kids to Catholic school for at least part of their education. My friend’s mom swears we wives have assured our place in Heaven!
Catholic sacramental records are recorded on the original baptism certificate that is kept at the baptism church. That is why originals are needed. When you marry at a church you went to your whole life like I did, it is easy. Since we were military, my girls were baptized at churches no where near where they would get married. So they request the originals.
@Silpat - actually, my baptismal certificate is faked. Seriously. I’m an adoptee who was born in one state and adopted in another. I was baptized at the age of 10 days at a Catholic church in my birth city (St. Mary Magdalene - how telling). However, my “official” baptismal certificate is issued by the Archdiocese in the city of my adoption with my parents’ and godparents’ names on it - never mind that I was not placed with my parents until I was three months old. It has a raised seal and has never been questioned. Neither has my fake birth certificate with my adoptive parents’ names on it.
