^ I can relate to annoyed! 
Now the other perplexed wedding guests are going to google “garden party formal” and find this thread and the Wedding Bee site. 
:-h
I think that VeryHappy’s dress on the other thread would be lovely!
@gosmom- I went to a wedding with a similar theme. The goal was to let the women know they could wear Long if they wanted. The other was that due to the location they didn’t want the men to think it was a jeans, Hawaiian shirt casual type of event, they wanted the men to wear a suit. Almost all the men had a suit and tie on. The women ranged from beaded dresses to nice sundresses. I think in those cases the couple want a formal affair but the venue is informal.
Though I agree it’s annoying.
75 days to the event. Still working on things that should have been done by now. DD is working hard at things.
Sometimes have to point out something BIG - rehearsal dinner and wedding RSVPs were set up for on-line response, but rehearsal dinner info was to be online. It was not. DD put it in yesterday.
Have to not get bent out of shape, but keeping a calm demeanor so DD can proceed with confidence.
I am happy to play devil’s advocate on making sure things ‘work’ correctly.
DD is a bit frustrated with future H - he hasn’t asked/confirmed on the ring bearer (know they are coming to the wedding). DD is enclosing a note about future H asking…now that is procrastinating.
Thought I’d give a brief review of nephews wedding in a field. It was on a family farm used for hunting dog trials, very pretty but wasn’t looking forward to remote location and porta potties!
Good- beautiful location, weather clear but very hot for ceremony in sun, porta potties were mobile type which had one mens and two womens “bathrooms” with foot pedal to flush and sink with running water so really good, guest warned in advance to wear casual footwear, bug spray/wipes provided, short ceremony by family friend (Dr. who got his notary to do it). Gluten free food. Arranged couches and comfy chairs in different groups around property (by pond, on little hill) and these were very popular. BM all had different dresses in sort of blue/gray/aqua family. Worked pretty well. My preference is for a little more consistency as these dresses were not close to same style but overall effect was pretty and truly these girls can use these dresses again since they are their personal style.
Not as great - needed wind shield for mike, so far to go that left earlier than would have if didn’t have a 20 min drive, guests that didn’t rsvp that needed shuttle which caused last minute scramble for extra vans, wedding parties had to get ready elsewhere and that caused some delays. Naked cake not that pretty - layers kind of slid in heat
Reception was seated dinner with buffet. Salad and bread on table. Catering staff “tapped” one table at a time to go thru buffet which kept line short, but still took way too long and people waiting started wandering off. Would have helped to have another line or to have started sending people earlier so that most were still eating salad. Great part was that MOB was gluten free (as I am) and so had everything labeled that was GF including some passed hors d’oeuvres that I would have missed out on, so that was fun. Usually I just assume I won’t eat much.
Used recorded music for ceremony except for song several of BMs sang (again, wind shield needed). Also recorded for first dances since they were different styles than what band played.
Overall very nice, but looking forward to next family wedding in the air conditioning and in town.
(Slight disclaimer: I can deal with a little heat, but my H can’t. Respiratory problems etc means the heat hits him hard, can’t stand for long, gets tired. So I end up worrying about him which makes it harder to enjoy. Will be easier with weddings all indoors and close to home.)
@scmom12, you just made me appreciate my d and fsil after we had a not so good weekend. From the start the two things d insisted on were a church wedding and an indoor reception. While I’m not thrilled about the church (lots of hoops to jump through and added expense, especially since fsil is unchurched), I am delighted that we don’t have to deal with heat, humidity, bugs, porta-potties or possibly getting rained out. Like your H, we have several family members who cannot handle heat.
Heat can be tough to take, especially if there are health issues. At a recent wedding we attended, it was lovely but Grandparents of bride were in wheelchairs, which added a bit more complexity to arrangements. It was in a tent outdoors at a sea life park with standard flushing bathrooms and the FOB gave everyone bug repellent bracelets he invented. It was a distance between the church where wedding was performed and the reception. I ended up driving newlyweds and another guest back to their hotels after reception. It was 45-60 minute drive.
One thing I told both my kids when they were planning their own weddings-it isn’t all about you; you have to think of the guests also. My son and his bride didn’t want to have ANY tables and chairs during the reception; they wanted people to move around and not just sit at a table for the entire night. Luckily, my DIL mother agreed with me, and we had to explain that the older people, and even those their age, might need or want to sit down at times. My parents are mobile, but there is no way they could have stood all night, nor juggled food and drinks while standing.
For my daughter’s outdoor wedding, I asked that they start later to give the sun more time to fall behind the historical house where the wedding and reception were held. This was Labor Day weekend in the south; I didn’t want the guest to melt sitting in full sun!
While the young people think they know what they want, and can be a bit selfish, we were luck in that both our kids listened to the parents and considered our suggestions. Not saying they agreed with everything presented to them, but they were willing to change a few of their plans. Both wedding went well and everyone was happy.
@scmom12, thanks for the reminder of bug wipes. Just ordered them, thank goodness for Amazon Prime. Wedding is in 10 days!
@snowball, I just had that conversation…“it isn’t all about you” with my D after she had a meltdown over a request from her dad to add a few people to the guest list. We’re paying for the wedding, including a lot of expenses usually borne by others. So far we haven’t asked the couple to do anything other than to expand the menu to make sure even those with various medical conditions, allergies and/or strong preferences have something to eat. I don’t know what happened to my usually rational D, but I hope she returns before the wedding.
I haven’t been on this thread in a long time, but a whole bunch of issues have been popping up.
Background: I am the groom’s parent. There is a meaningful cultural difference between the families. The bride’s family is paying for an event that we consider crazy – and we are affluent people who like to entertain and have a big family. We have agreed to host and to pay for a party for everyone the night before, at the hotel (and using the caterer and decorator) chosen by the bride and her mother. The bride is a medical resident, and only intermittently engaged in the wedding planning. She cares deeply about some things, and hardly at all about anything else. Our son is showing lots of stress trying to keep his fiancee, his prospective in-laws, and his parents happy – which is pretty much all he cares about, and in that order, although from time to time he has a personal demand that generally gets shunted aside.
Issue #1: We want a wedding announcement submitted to the New York Times. Our wedding was announced there, as were the weddings of many friends. We read them pretty much every week. We always notice when children of friends and associates appear there. Our future daughter-in-law initially resisted on privacy grounds, but said OK when my wife said it was important to her. Her parents, however, are refusing to provide any personal information, even if it won’t be published, and indicating that they will not confirm any information if asked by the Times (which, of course, will mean that the announcement will not be published). The information they do not want to provide is readily accessible online already. We don’t know if this is just obtuse, if this is a cultural thing (our desire for the announcement is definitely a cultural thing on our side), or if the parents are trying to carry water for their daughter who doesn’t want a direct confrontation with her future mother-in-law. What should we do?
Issue #2: About 1/3 of the bride’s-side guests, and 95% of the groom’s-side guests, a combined total of about 150 people, will be coming from a distance and need hotel rooms. The bride’s family said they had arranged for a room block at the hotel they chose, but it turned out they had arranged for a block that was not quite big enough for their guests, and was almost fully subscribed by their family long before the invitations are to be mailed. So far our family has three rooms, not including us; we have not told most of our side what the hotel is yet, because we thought that information would go with the wedding invitations. The hotel is willing to expand the block, but only by 20 rooms (and at a higher cost), which is nowhere near what we would expect our family to take up. There is another hotel 8 blocks away literally next door to the wedding venue that we like a lot more. (The wedding venue was changed from the original choice, which was not near any major hotel.) Maybe we can get enough rooms for our family and friends there, at about the same price the original hotel is charging. Is that OK?
What exact info do the future in-laws not want to provide or confirm? Based on a few I’ve read, it seems like it is generally just their employment, correct? Or am I missing something. I’d be inclined to drop this, but easy for me to say because it’s not my thing, either.
You need to help accommodate your family, so yes, another block of hotel rooms is warranted. I would just, as a courtesy, ask the bride’s mother (because I get the sense that she is running the show here) whether she wants to take care of orchestrating that or that you “would be happy to do so as it is mainly your family and you know she is oh so busy…”. I see nothing wrong with that. If the second block of hotel rooms isn’t included in the wedding invitation info, feel free to contact your side via phone, email to get the word out. It would be nice to have extended family and friends staying close together rather than scattered willy nilly.
Definitely use a block at another hotel. My niece’s upcoming wedding has 5 different hotels at different price points. Nephews several weekends ago had none since there was big event in town and hotels wouldn’t hold rooms, so they gave guests free use of travel agent to help book rooms - point is, we were all over the place.Alternately, you could provide your family with names of several nearby options and just let them book independently, but it is fun to have a group together.
So Times will only publish if they contact FDIL’s family for confirmation? Why could they not just contact bride? Unless point you made about having parents say no for her. Or weird but word announcement to not include anything about her except where she is from or whatever she is willing to share.
Yes, absolutely fine to use two hotels. Many families offer their guests more than on option. If the original hotel is now at a higher price, is only offering 20 more rooms, can you absorb this difference? Can you hold the hotel to a promise these rooms go to your side only?
Does the NYT contact both sides? It can be simple to keep details abut the other family to a discreet minimum.
But this: if the bride’s side messed up the original quantities of rooms, I’d say you manage the fix.
Not unlike bff’s FDIL’s side who "forgot’ rooms for the other son and the aunt/uncle, reserved MoG under the wrong name. But the bride’s relatives are set. CYA.
Yes, JHS. I receive save the date announcements for anything out of town. At one wedding, in Sonoma Valley, a block was reserved at the Inn where wedding to be held. A far larger block was at a nearby place. The same is true for conferences. The conference hotel is often twice the price of nearby hotels, and those get booked quickly. Chose the hotel of your choice, ask for a hospitality suite, and let your friends and family enjoy themselves. The rest of bride’s family can meet and greet your guests.
If I was a guest, I’d enjoy the location near venue and the better price.
For those curious like me, here are the submission requirements for the NYT:
http://www.nytimes.com/ref/fashion/weddings/howtosubmitwedding.html
They don’t want to give phone numbers or e-mail addresses to the NYT factcheckers, and they are reticent about their town residence and employment.
Sounds like it’s not their thing but disappointing they can’t be more flexible and realize that it is important to your family. That said, IMO it’s not worth ruffling feathers over in the long run. I think it is often harder on the family of the male in a relationship so, personally, I wouldn’t want to have any conflicts I could avoid. :-??
I vote for let the whole NYT thing go. One day of glory is not worth the lifetime of hard feelings. For the hotel block, I vote go ahead and reserve the additional hotel block and notify your side of the family. Don’t even get the MOB involved with the hotel block. She has enough to deal with Why would (should?) she care if your side found a different hotel when the current block is sold out. I would just smile and nod. (I hope I would anyway!!!) Sorry that things have become slightly unpleasant. It’s really a shame and take the fun out of it.