I agree with booking your own rooms at the hotel close to the venue. The MOB has shown she has not planned for ALL the wedding guests.
Do not go through the stress of waiting for her to fix her error. In fact, to bring it up to her may seem like you are criticizing her. What if she says she took care of this new task, you will likely spend time and energy coming along behind her to doublecheck. And what if she waits too long, or doesn’t book enough rooms at the second hotel?
Hotels fill up quickly, so make this a priority. Like the idea of hospitality suite at your hotel for family to get her together.
Definitely book hotel rooms wherever you like and can get a block of rooms. MOB was wrong not to block more rooms. When we’ve been invited to weddings where we know we’ll need a hotel room, usually one of the parents involved will email the hotel information well before the invitations go out (or include that info with the save the date).
I’d probably let the NYT announcement go. Both families need to be on board with it, and, for whatever reason, the bride’s family isn’t. It may be disappointing to you, but probably isn’t worth the potential grief with pushing the issue.
I agree that you should just go ahead and immediately arrange a the block of rooms at the second hotel yourself. The MOB clearly cannot be relied upon to consider anyone other than herself and her family’s desires. After the fact, I would have your S tell his FMIL that you have taken care of it. You will also have to take care of letting your portion of the guest list know about the hotel, right away. The MOB can reserve more rooms for her guests as she sees fit.
I think you will probably have to let the NYT announcement go, although I understand your feelings on that point and think they are being totally unreasonable. I have no idea why these people are so paranoid. Do they think the paper is going to print their street address and phone #? Do they realize that anyone who really wants that information can easily get it with a little digging? Have they even seen a NYT wedding announcement? It would be perfectly possible for them to say that they are of towns X and Y–that used to be common when people had a vacation home–without specifying which is the main residence, and could describe the occupation as “investor” or “Director of a privately-held investing company” or something like that. The Times might go with it.
I do agree with handling the extra hotel rooms and not mentioning it to the MOB.
On the NYT announcement issue, perhaps there are valid reasons for these people’s privacy concerns that they don’t wish to share. At one time, I was very careful about our privacy due to threats from a stalker. Several law enforcement agencies became involved and it was a long time before I let my guard down. We also have relatives with varying levels of security clearance. They prefer not to share that they have any clearance, much less what sort, and have made up vague responses when asked about their work. They don’t do social media, their house deeds are in the name of trusts, and they’ve taken other steps to maintain privacy.
Because of the possibility that this could be due to valid security concerns – or the security requirements connected with someone’s current or past work – I think you have no chance of winning this argument.
That doesn’t apply here, but I have a funny story about that. We have a relative in that kind of position. We were talking about her to a friend from Washington DC, and we repeated the vague formula she uses to describe her job. The friend said, “Is that what she says? That means she works for [Agency A] or {Agency B]. Everyone in DC knows that’s what those people are supposed to say about their jobs.” The friend was accurate, of course.
In this case, the relevant employment information is completely available online already. There are many, many people in the NYT wedding announcements (and wedding announcements elsewhere) with the same types of position. I have been wondering whether there was some cultural basis for reticence. They are South Asian.
There are a lot of folks in the greater D.C. Area with security clearances who have their wedding announcements in the newspaper. The WP is full of them every week.
Any chance you can do an engagement announcement in the NYT? Or would that also require the same level of clearance from the paper.
I have to say…around here…no one really puts wedding announcements in the paper anymore. There used to be a huge wedding announcement section…but that went the way of the dodo when they stated charging onerous rates to publish an announcement…and even a larger amount with a picture.
Where and when I grew up, one would definitely put a wedding announcement in the New Canaan Advertiser and probably in the NYT.
I was so busy working and doing everything for the wedding that I sort of forgot to do either. So we were never officially announced. When I was a kid, the local paper described the bride’s dress and her bouquet. That’s how I learned the word stephanotis, lol. Now that I come to think of it, they may have also listed the bridesmaids and groomsmen. They had stopped doing all that by the time I got married in the early 80s.
I still feel kind of bad about not getting into the New Canaan paper, at least.
I lived in a small town in NH when I got married. The paper had a very lengthy article about our wedding…with picture…no cost. It listed everything you could think of…parents, colleges attended, and even ALL of the out of town guests (30 of them).
We aren’t even sending the local paper info about DDs wedding. No one does around here.
People still do announcements here, but not like they used to since the local newspaper started charging for them. I plan to put one in if and when S1 and his GF finally decide to make it legal.
So exciting about all the upcoming weddings. Congratulations @VaBluebird and @CottonTales - can’t wait to hear the details!
As for the hotel, @JHS, I would go ahead and make arrangements for your family and other guests. In our case, the MOB talked a lot about hotel blocks but never arranged anything so I offered to take care of it and everyone involved accepted my offer. I know she’s not thrilled that the hotel I chose can’t accommodate a brunch the next morning for everyone (many/most of the guests are local to the city in which the wedding is being held), but I was always hosting the brunch regardless of the venue and my goal is to provide a casual, easy way for the out-of-town guests at the hotel to grab a bite, and see the B & G one last time before departing for home. I’m not making another wedding
We are paying for in-law’s room; hotel wanted to charge the regular rate for their handicapped room (not located in our block of rooms, understandable that the handicapped rooms are grouped together); I inquired a level up and got our group rate on their room. I made it clear I was the MOB and this was bride’s grandparents.
Should have been bumped to higher level w/o having to ask when reservation person couldn’t have the room price be correct with his level of authority.
@Consolation : I am actually a big Bollywood fan, going back decades, and unrelated to this wedding. (Or maybe not unrelated, since my son used to watch Bollywood movies with me.) I have already put together something of a montage of weddings (and engagement parties, which are much showier). And there are instructional videos available on YouTube and elsewhere explaining Hindu wedding ceremonies. I have only been to one, not 30 or 40, but I don’t feel mystified by the formal events at all. It’s the expectations around things like wedding announcements or who buys what clothes that are opaque to me.
@JHS, I actually think that your S should step up and tell his future wife that the wedding announcement is YOUR cultural expectation, it is important to his mother, and that since virtually everything else is being done according to their wishes, it behooves them to comply with this ONE request to make his mother happy. A request that, moreover, costs them nothing in terms of money OR time and does not impinge on the event(s) or anyone religious sensibilities, or anything at all. And having told her, either she should get her parents to comply, or make them at least face the fact that they are basically slapping their daughter’s future MIL in the face and being extremely petty.
There are cultural traditions that would be regarded by others as highly intrusive and in some cases actually distasteful if imposed on a wedding. This does not rise to that level.
