DD is another “we have everything” bride. They just bought a condo, so while they have basics, they kind of need everything (like a matching set of dishes). DD doesn’t realize that a registry is often a gift to the guests. Hoping she figures it out; don’t want to field all those questions and know they’d be happier over time with functional, rather than decorative items. She also expressed an interest in suggesting charitable donations, though needs to learn more about it.
No idea about shower; bridesmaids live in 5 far flung states and bride isn’t focused on gifts at all, just wants to celebrate with special people. Probably won’t happen. Seeing more bride and groom’s mothers hosting them. I see how this can make the most sense and remember when it used to be an etiquette conundrum.
@travelnut , sounds like my D’s situation. She has 5 far flung bridesmaids. She’s only seen 2 of them since she asked them to be in the wedding. It was very difficult for them to organize a shower, so I had to step in and host it. I could hear the etiquette queens tsk-tsking, but it was really the only way a shower was going to happen. I’ve been much more involved in the planning than I thought I’d be since there are no local bridesmaids and D doesn’t have sisters.
S & DIL didn’t register. They had four non-profits covering a variety of causes (non-political) that one could make donations in honor of them. They really emphasized that they wanted their friends’ presence rather than gifts, esp. since many were traveling and were recent grads/grad students.
I had two bridal showers, one given by my mother’s friends for their friends and one given by my maid of honor for my friends and our sorority sisters. I also had three showers for my first son and two for my second. I felt fortunate to have such caring friends,
DIL had 2 showers–one for her close friends (that included her mom, D1 and me) and one at her job. My friends offered to give her one in our area, but she declined, saying it wasn’t necessary and it was hard to find a weekend that was going to work.
They did register, thankfully. But now, the second bedroom is filled with gifts that are being used, but they are really waiting for a house to truly unpack. Maybe another year or two.
My college roommate organized a “Christmas ornament shower by mail” for me. Everyone was scattered across the country, and since we were married three days after Christmas, it was an easy time of year to find ornaments (which didn’t have to be expensive). Not as much fun as a get-together in person that allows everyone to visit &/or get to know each other, but every year when we decorate the tree we enjoy the memories.
Well, I’m hostessing a misc shower. It will be a surprise buffet lunch in private room of CClub on 7/4 with aunties and female cousins of bride from my side of the family. It will be small and reasonably-priced and I’m happy. I told the sisters of the bride with 3 month old and 1 year old they can decide to being or leave their babes at home, I’m happy either way.
I asked D to work with her other female cousin on games, if they want any and any favor suggestions.
May I join in? My D2 is going to be married next May and we are starting to have questions. First, she is being married at a non-traditional venue (an historic speakeasy) and there is no service charge included. The chef handles the logistics and he said it’s up to the patrons to tip the servers. Which is fine, but we are completely unfamiliar with what’s appropriate. How much would be appropriate to tip servers at a wedding, and also the DJ, and the parking valet? Thanks so much!
In some places, it is customary to tip the servers and the employee who managed that team. I have no idea how widespread. We did it- and as reference, were married in NJ. I think the etiquette guides might suggest a figure or percent. From the bride’s family, of course.
As his own biz, with a fee. I don’t think I’d tip the DJ. But we did tip our musicians (3 college music students.)
@zoosermom the gratuities were included in our costs…so perhaps you could find out what that would be at a traditional venue…and tip that amount. Ours were per person…20% of the dinner costs.
We are having a band at our reception…and between paying the costs for them, and providing them with snacks, water…and a meal…I don’t think they will be getting a tip on top of that.
Parking valet? I would think the folks parking their cars would take care of that. Our venue has a HUGE parking lot…so I don’t have that issue.
20% of the cost of the venue is typical, but since we have to deal with the individuals directly, we are trying to figure out how much to allocate to each person.
The DJ is an employee of the site, so he’s not contracted directly. We will definitely give him dinner, but I feel that there should be a gratuity, as well. Same deal with the bartender.
Does anyone else remember the discussions we had regarding hired bartenders who put out tip jars? Definitely something to make clear up front, I gather: WE will tip you, not our guests.
We are 43/44 days to the wedding. Got together briefly about the wedding with dau in her city (she had an unexpected evening meeting come up, so I had less time to go over things than I had planned). But making very good progress. H got his suit (Jos A Banks) as the other men - and just needing the minimal alteration (slacks hem, etc). I purchased table cloths today for the round tables - now that I have seen the planned layout; we have 6 long table cloths, my purchased ones, and the rest will be rented from the caterer. If more than 150 are coming, will spill out to outdoor covered area and another area outside main room. Mostly will be young people. I will make sure the older adults and out of state guests from both sides of the family get seated in the main room. Will probably put ‘reserved’ cards on the tables, so we are sure for them to be seated - - they get the choice seats before the under 30 crowd, some who may come and haven’t RSVP’d.
One has to be very smart about things. Told Dau to make sure to have much more catered food than her head count, and for caterer to box up the remaining food.
A woman who married three years ago and used the caterer I suggest (food was great!)
told me that a highlight of their evening was when they got back to the hotel with plates of the dinner
the caterers put in a warming bag for them. The caterers said that brides and grooms do not usually eat at
their reception. She took off her dress and ate in her corset. They had a blast. Nice idea!
I do not know if our caterers are allowed to box up large amounts.
@lookingforward, I definitely intend to investigate the issue of who needs to be tipped and how much. But why do you say that “of course” the tips would come from the bride’s family? Is this standard? Or would the tips come from the hosts of the wedding – who may or may not be the bride’s family nowadays?
I’m also interested in who I need to tip. The catering price per head includes all tips and taxes. What about the onsite wedding coordinator and her assistant? bartenders? parking valets? Anyone else? On the church side - we’re paying a fee to the church, which includes the organist. Should he get something directly from us as well?
At this point, money is flying out the door like crazy. Everyone needs their final payment. Stand close to Mansfield and I’ll probably throw some money your way too!