We are not tipping the parking valets. If folks use valet parking, they can tip the parking valets. Our hotel is right across the street from the wedding venue. Folks staying there can walk if they want to. The parking lot is behind the venue, and is large.
When I check a coat at a wedding…I don’t expect the bridal family to tip the coat check person either. To me…parking valet is in that same category.
We will tip the bartender.
The onsite wedding planner…depends on what she actually does. So far…that has been pretty much nothing.
We will pay our organist ourselves…not a church wedding. We will pay the officiant.
No tipping for my guests. I would be upset if the bartender were to put out a tipping jar. We will be charged 20% for gratuity from the venue and that should cover everything. One venue wanted 22% and another venue 18%. We chose the venue we wanted (the 22% one) and told them we would pay 20% for gratuity.
I have been to parties at private homes where they had valet parking or provided shuttle from a designated parking place to home. No, I wouldn’t be expected to tip. It would be the same if my friend had a party at home with bartenders and staff, I wouldn’t be expected to tip them.
The tip would come from the host, whether it’s the bride’s or groom’s family. If the groom’s family is hosting the “welcome party” the night before then it would be the groom’s family to tip.
If the workers are already being given a tip from the hosts, it is wrong for them to have a tip jar or accept or worse solicit tips. If offered, they should politely decline. This while tipping every craze feels like everyone has their hand out.
If the workers aren’t actually getting the tip that the hosts are paying, that is something the workers and their employer need to resolve, not try to extort from guests.
We are working with 2 venues (one for after the ceremony and another for the actual reception). I am paying 20% for gratuity and they can divvy it up as to how much each staff should get paid. The wedding planner is the owner of her business and she will not get a tip. That would be the same for the photographer, DJ and the videographer.
We are sort of doing the oldfort plan. No tips for folks who are getting a gratuity from the venue. I mean really…how many gratuities are we supposed to pay for each person?? Except possibly the bartender.
The parking…I will have to check. I seriously doubt that most people will use valet parking at our venue…but some might. How will I know? Should I just tip a blanket amount to the valet person?
No tip for the band, photographer, hair person, make up. We are paying them already.
Our venue did 20% of the cost for gratuities. It’s the TOTAL cost…not just the cost of the dinner. There should be plenty to divide amongst the staff.
Interesting conversation.
I would assume I needed to tip the hair person and make up person.
Nice argument with H regarding whether he is wearing a suit. Which he does not own and I
have never seen him in after 35 years together. He thinks his 5 year old navy blazer and grey slacks
look great on him but that was 15 lbs ago and now he is so thin that they hang on him
His family think they are frugal when really they just have bad taste.
But all is good–FSIL and his dad and brother are all wearing suits (brother had huge formal wedding
last week) so now so is H. 68 and still cannot accept an adult look :(( .
Married son needs something but as he is 27 he and his wife can decide (on our dime)
also offered to buy her a dress.
@oregon101, hair and makeup had an automatic 20% added on automatically for daughter’s wedding. I am still trying to figure out why the bride’s price was nearly double what the rest of ours was. I didn’t want to haggle that day so I didn’t question it, but I will definitely call to inquire as to the reason. I bit my tongue and thought that was a REALLY expensive glass of champagne that only the bride received!
Thanks for the feedback on the tips. I don’t want to double tip (if its already included in the facility price), but I don’t want to be cheap. So many unwritten rules around here!
Our family is in the midst of planning a wedding, and I worry that we may not be as knowledgeable as we should be about the details of etiquette. I made some etiquette mistakes myself at my own wedding many years ago, and I don’t want my daughter’s wedding marred by similar errors.
My daughter and her fiance are hosting their own wedding. They’re paying for most of it, their names are at the top of the invitations, and they signed the contracts with the venue and vendors. So I guess this means that the tips are their responsibility. However, I hope it does not mean that they themselves have to be the ones to distribute the tips on the day of the wedding, when they have so many other things to think about. Would it be a breach of etiquette for them to delegate the task of actually giving the tips to the right people to a family member or to the day-of-wedding coordinator?
@oregon101 and others who were discussing hair and makeup people:
I just looked at my daughter’s contract with her hair and makeup person, and it does not include a gratuity. I will have to make sure she gets one (this is the one vendor who will be dealing with my daughter alone, so I don’t think the distribution of the gratuity can be delegated to a family member, even if it’s socially acceptable to do so).
This hair and makeup artist has all of her prices for all services she offers stated on her contract. She does charge more for brides than bridesmaids, but the difference is fairly small. So these things may differ from one vendor to another.
My daughter’s wedding will be at a hotel, where she and her fiance are also staying. We have reason to suspect that the hotel might give us some grief because the hair and makeup person does not have the type of liability insurance required of wedding vendors. The hair and makeup person herself says that this is unlikely because she’s not actually part of the wedding. She often does hair and makeup for brides in hotel rooms, and nobody asks her for an insurance certificate. But just in case, we’re making sure that a family member stays at another hotel on the same block, which is hopefully not run by people who are paranoid crackpots, so that she and my daughter can move over there if necessary. (By paranoid crackpots, I mean that the wedding hotel requires insurance certificates from absolutely everyone, including the florist! Why would a florist need liability insurance just to deliver flowers?)
So many details…so little time (and even less knowledge).
Marian - you may want to consider to hire a Coordinator for the day as a gift to your daughter. The person would be responsible for scheduling and various “issues” that may arise that day.
I don’t think the bride and groom should have to worry about anything on the wedding day. They should have a close friend/relative to handle all financial matters.
My understanding re: tipping has always been that a business owner or proprietor does not get tipped. So, if your makeup person/stylist is working for themselves, or the photographer, or DJ, you don’t need to tip. I’m sure they’d love extra money, but don’t feel it is necessary. You asked for a quote from them for their services and that is the price agreed upon.
Yes, you can designate someone trusted to hand over the tip(s.) It’s within traditional etiquette.
Lately, where I live, people do tip hair, facial, main/pedi or make-up folks, even though they operate as independents within a salon (paying for their chair or space, their own supplies, etc.) I really don’t know what the right weddingexpectation is. I can see a guest handing the parking valet a couple of dollars,when he/she brings the car. Or not.
We have tipped bartenders when we were guests at weddings, depending. DH’s family never provided alcohol, but at weddings might have a cash bar. (Nice folks, just the older ones were not drinkers. But when the reception was at a venue, they did have the cash bar, usually somewhere in the building.)
I believe with a family owned catering outfit at a church hall, one gets away with less strict rule adherence. It may be that once food is out on serving lines - yes. But if food doesn’t get put out…Maybe some vendors do throw out food. I know there are time limits and food temperature guidelines.The crews probably eat before or after too.
I do think there are many vendors that want to push the limits on what people will pay, and adding in all kind of extra fees. That is why you get into a beautiful venue with having to pay mega $$ for a pitcher of sweet/un-sweet tea.
Our church states all the fees/gratuities for their wedding planner, organist, etc.
When vendors get unreasonable, some people pull back in some form or fashion. I will have my non-bride daughter finish off anything on my make up for the big day because the make up people are sticking to a pricey script. One can only get a 60 YO looking fair anyway; a happy and relaxed smile is what makes photos great.
When I have a work crew at my home and they do a great job, I give their lead person $$ so the crew can have lunch on me. I like to ‘tip’ when the work is well done and the price going in is fair. when you feel like you are getting taken advantage of, that is when I want to make sure the hourly people get taken care of w/o enriching others.
I agree with doschicos. Independent vendors with whom you have a contract should not expect to be tipped. They set their own price in advance. I think I’ve mentioned before that I use to make wedding favors as part of my chocolate business, and I would never expect to be tipped. And never was. Tips are for people who work for low wages for someone else. (Not for those of us who work for low wages for ourselves! )
I also think that people who use valet parking or coat check will expect to tip the attendant themselves.
At our church there are set fees for the organist. (This is important because church musicians are typically underpaid and they depend on this income.) There can also be a “bench fee” if you don’t want to use the in-house person, but I don’t know if we charge it. I don’t think so. I do not think that an organist expects to be tipped.
S’s wedding was last weekend. On the subject of tipping, we had a minor issue with that at our reception. I was paying for alcohol. Gratuity (20% at least, maybe 22%?) was included and the manager told me there would be no tip jar. As soon as I arrived I noticed the tip jar on the bar. I told the MoB about it and she ( as the local/main contact person) went to the person in charge, who then took it down ( at least put it out of sight behind the bar… I’m not sure if some people still saw it there and tipped). I figure that 20%+ gratuity , whether or not the service is any good, plus the high price of the drinks, is enough. The whole alcohol issue was a bit of a sore spot for me. H and I are non-drinkers. Bride’s family asked us to cover alcohol at reception. And they specified that they wanted open bar no keg ( which could’ve saved about 60% on beer). Our relatives were only about 20% of guests. It wasn’t exactly open bar, but limited choice of liquors (no expensive stuff) plus beer, wine, and champagne. Tbh, the bill was more than I expected for 160 people including children and non - drinkers. They also had lemonade, iced tea, water and coffee available/self service throughout. Just venting here. It is done now☺. More about the wedding later. Ceremony was the most beautiful anyone had seen. Rehearsal dinner? What didn’t go wrong?! Reception ? Some pros and cons, etc.
In the case a few weeks ago at my D’s wedding, the bar charge was set according how many hours it was to be provided, per person. I have to admit that the venue may have lost money on the amount consumed between the rehearsal dinner and the reception. To put into context, probably half of the guests were in the 27 to early 30’s crowd, with at least half of those being med school classmates. My sister said to me that she will never go to the Dr. again without assuming they were an alcoholic. Of course, that is an exaggeration, but you get the gist. :-S
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