@oldfort I think including your ex on the invitation is a very gracious gesture.
If it is up to me I wouldn’t be that gracious, but D1 asked me to include her dad and how could I say no to my kid. 
From a guest’s perspective, it’s very helpful to see the first and last names of the B&G, as well as the parents of B & G. Some of us have foggy memories even if we MAY have been introduced to some of them decades ago and when we received the invitation we will have a better idea of which of those named invited us!
The name issue isn’t one for us. The bride and groom are inviting only people who actually know THEM. No business acquaintances…or distant parent friends.
Folks receiving our invitiations should not have any difficulty knowing who the wedding is for and who invited them.
Funny you should mention that @HImom. When I sent Paperless Post invitations for our engagement party, I just referred to a celebration for bride and groom (first names). MOB had asked if I would mind inviting some of her extended family and I, of course, said yes. However, when the invites went out she worried that because I had not included the bride’s last name, and her name (MOB) was not on the invite, the guests might not know who the party was for…my feeling was that if they didn’t know who S and FDIL were and that they were getting married, why were they being invited.
I think the paradigm is changing - as more and more couples have financial resources and distinct wedding ideas. And dealing with parents that may have baggage enough to take away from the wedding/happy event.
I was kind of surprised about the wedding ‘trend’ that groom’s family typically pays for the bar tab at the wedding reception (according to director of education for the association of bridal consultants, and owner of Events by Design in Carmel, IN - Gloria Boyden (newspaper article). The couple is paying for their bar tab out of their budget.
Pretty much common knowledge about groom’s family (or groom) paying for rehearsal dinner. But again it isn’t a rule, IMHO it is a tradition that can or maybe not to be followed.
IMHO it is easier for bride and groom to take charge of their wedding when they are in their own city. We handed off money as parents of the bride - and it turns out based on conversations with our group of family/friends, we gave a correct amount. Way up front the bride and groom knew our contribution. Going along, we put a cash gift in DD’s checking account which was greatly appreciated because they had been trying to cash flow things. They decided to hire a great photographer and skip hiring a video-grapher, but we are surprising them with a new digital video camera, and one of bride’s uncles can record the wedding celebration - and they will have the camera to use on honeymoon etc. I did also purchase table cloths to decrease the stress - hall has the tables (any additional needs, they can rent tables and table covers from their caterer). We are a little over a month away and the couple will be here this weekend. They had an appt when I was in their city a week ago, and so the planned time to go over wedding stuff got taken away by a more pressing thing.
Groom and his parents are working out the caterer for the rehearsal dinner which will be very casual, southern BBQ and we believe the one chosen has fantastic banana pudding dessert (it is really very good). So our out of area folks I believe will enjoy as well as family here that have had food from this vendor.
We like his family and they like us. We love their son, and we know they adore our daughter. Both sets of parents had very limited invitation ability (limited numbers) so the people are very close relatives and friends. The couple has invited a lot more people, but expect less percentage saying they can come. In another week DD should have close to final numbers of guests.
IMHO the couple has to try to avoid the landmines, and try to have the kind of wedding they want. Sometimes that entails getting their parents to assist with some of the rough edges.
I really think it’s a kindness to include all 6 names–bride, groom, and names of their parents. They can know either the bride or groom very well but perhaps not know BOTH bride AND groom, especially if they don’t live in the same city as the couple. They may not see one set or parents or even know the other set of parents and would like to be able to thank and congratulate all six people by name. Anyway, those are my thoughts.
We HAVE attended weddings where we know the parents or the bride or groom very well but the couple not as much. Sometimes they are family members or sometimes very longtime friends. I always like knowing the names of the major people involved.
It does seem like folks differ and attach great importance to the wording on the invitations for weddings and related events. I had never done so and never realized that it is some indication of how much the respective parties may be paying for various portions of the celebrations. Sorry, call me naïve.
I’m just looking at the invitation I received for my niece’s wedding. It just has
Together with their families,BRIDE and GROOM (full names) invite you to their wedding. I’m pretty sure parents of bride are paying a lot.
@Himom - you do live in a simpler world than some of us. For many young adults, they have blended or complicated family life: parents, stepparents, estranged parents, parents who have passed away. When there is a monumental event in one’s life, a lot of emotions come into play and who should be listed on the wedding invitation could mean a lot to some people. It is hard to tell someone what they should do until you have been there.
I’m pretty sure my niece and her fiancé figured out the wording for the invitation on their own with the blessings of both sets of parents. As far as I know there are no estrangements and it will be a fascinating blend of HI, San Francisco and Oklahoma in the wedding, with guests from all over the place, since both have attended school in various locations, including South Bend and North Carolina. You are right when there are estrangements and exes and remarriages, it does get considerably more complicated.
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Actually…it gets more complicated when lots of guests are invited who are friends or business associates of the parents…and the bride and groom have never set eyes on them. We do have a couple of special friends (total 4) who are special to us as parents. Our kids have not had lots of contact with them…but have at least heard about them for years. They are invited to the wedding. But the invite isn’t exactly going to come as a surprise! We talk to these folks ourselves.
Anyway…back to wedding planning. At some point…we need to pick a start time. Our date is May 27, and ceremony is going to be outdoors. We are thinking 4:30 or 5:00 start time.
We are the only event at the venue…so we can pick ANY time we want.
Thoughts?
@thumper1, are you talking about a wedding where the ceremony and reception will be at the same location or one where they’re in different locations?
Ceremony…followed by cocktail hour…followed by reception.
All at the same location.
@thumper1 - I recommend you talk to the photographer. He liked 5:00 because of the lighting but that will change with the season. We did 5:00 ceremony, followed by cocktail hour with dinner at 7:00.
@thumper1, I usually work backwards - what time do you want the party to end? And, if it’s a Sunday, is that Memorial Day weekend? Will most people have to work the next day? If you are in the northeast, evenings can still be cool at the end of May, so I think I’d go with the ceremony called for 5 if both he ceremony and cocktail hour are planned outside. You’ll have plenty of daylight, it’s likely to still be warm, and the party will be over, I assume, by 11-11:30pm?
@Onward lots of pictures will,be taken before the ceremony…but I hear what you are saying about pics during the ceremony. Our photographer didn’t seem to care about the time!
Yes…Memorial Day weekend…so folks are not working that Monday.
I was sort of thinking 5:00 too! Gives us time for the same day preparations…and for folks traveling that day to check into the hotel or just get there.
That sounds like a good plan @thumper1. If my daughter and future son-in-law could have afforded an evening wedding at the venue they liked, I think they would have wanted 5:00. However, they went with a cheaper brunch wedding, which is something you don’t seem to be considering – and which has disadvantages of its own, like having the hair-and-makeup artist show up at the crack of dawn.
We don’t want a gap between the ceremony and reception so that partly dictated the start time. The reception venue isn’t available early in the day, so we had to allow time for set up, too. We’ve settled on 5:30 for the ceremony and the reception venue has been told to expect guests by 6:30 for cocktails and several h’ors doeuvres will be served. Dinner will start between 7:30 and 8:00 (that detail hasn’t been settled.) The only concern about the 8:00 p.m. dinner time is some elderly relatives who are used to eating much earlier and going to be by 9:00. I told the B&G to trust the old folks to take a nap and eat a snack.
Way back when my wedding was at 4pm. The reason was that early so not as formal and no expectation that reception was supper - no cocktail hour, just reception so done fairly early (no band, no alcohol). 4:00 seems to give you a very early dinner, if you’re doing that, especially given that people don’t have to drive from ceremony to reception.
If sit down supper or supper-like heavy food served then 5 puts you on dinner hour track and still not too late.
But truly there’s not a wrong answer - agree that working back from what you want end time to be may be smart.
Speaking of times, of the few things my mother asked for, one was starting on the half hour. So, the wording was, “…at half past ten in the morning.”