Perfect timing for both the meltdown and welcome bag conversations. My S came to me and asked that any questions, concerns, issues etc. I have about the wedding be processed through him. My FDIL is apparently melting down on a daily basis over conversations with her mom and wedding details and we’re still 7 weeks out. I will say the MOB called me on Friday and spent an hour going through all the details with me, some of which led me to understand the tension between my FDIL and her mom. They have very different sensibilities and I think it’s feeling a little over-the-top to my S and FDIL. I just smiled and nodded as much as one can do so over the phone (!), knowing that while it may not be my style, it will be beautiful and, since I’m not paying for it, my opinion is really not relevant, except as to support my S.
The things I am responsible for have been designed and chosen with the blessing of both my S and FDIL. Trust me, I’m not sure I would have chosen a beer hall in another borough for the rehearsal dinner, but that’s what they wanted and I know it will be fun and a complete contrast to the wedding, which is good. Which brings us to the welcome bags. I took on the responsibility of the hotel, so I offered to do the bags. I, too, know some think they are not necessary and on that point I would agree, but I’ve always done them for any party for which I’ve had large numbers of out-of-town guests, so I will do them again. I try t make them location specific, so we will include subway maps, black & white cookies (very NYC), water, and favorite snacks of the B & G. MOB suggested wine, and I may try to find 1/2 bottles or splits or maybe even those cans! This is not a resort hotel, there are no balconies and there is a bar in the hotel! Not sure the wine is necessary, but I want to be open to MOB’s ideas. I am so open to new ideas, so if anyone has done anything cool or interesting, I’d love to hear about it. What kind of bags are people using?
The best one we had was last October. It had bottled water (those little bottles), Hershey mini candies, Tylenol, mints of some kind, granola bars of some kind. Then there was a letter that included all of the times for the wedding events…plus info on things to do innthe area. There was also a little local map included whichnwas nice to look at…and a magazine about the area.
My two aunts did my daughter’s welcome bags with my daughter’s input. My daughter order white craft bags and adorable labels to go on them from Etsy with the bride and groom’s name. Because we live in the south and the groom is from the UK, we did a mix of items from each area, and a take off of the grooms name. Because his last name was the same as a brand of cookies, each bag had a small pack of the cookie.
Coke has single small bottles that can be customized, so my daughter created a bottle with their wedding hash tag on them; Costco actually had a discount code for these and they arrived in two days after we ordered. We used peach gummy candies for my Georgia girl and the groom order Marmite with their last name on it; I do not think any of the Americans took the Marmite home!!
See what you can find that is a favorite of the bride and groom, or if you can work with their names or hometown.
Not to be a PITA, but bottled water is kind of an ongoing environmental disaster. I’ve heard you can get water in cartons, or how about a refillable water bottle instead? I would like the wine, myself.
At the last wedding we went to, in addition to bottled water and snacks. the MOB included Advil, bandaids, Tums, and a packet of cleansing towelettes. Most other weddings I’ve been to only included water and snacks.
Our welcome bags included water, 2 locally made/nationally known snack items, small tins of altoids, packets of ibuprofen, Shout wipes, Hersheys kisses in the wedding colors, and a thank you from the B&G with a schedules of events, etc. I know some think welcome bags are a waste, but D&I both agreed it was one of the more fun and inexpensive wedding things we did.
D only needs 6-7 bags and asked me to do them. Yesterday I went to AAA and got various maps.
H will need to go back and get more as they only give 3 to each member, but have three different
maps.
I went to our big famous bookstore and bought postcards of our city and will put stamps on- -one for
each bag. Also found nice bags with “Powell’s” on it for .99. Am checking with D on those.
Water, a small bottle or two (those travel size) of local small batch bourbon or such.
Water with our Portland logo
A local free newspaper with all the events for the week
D1 is at a wedding this weekend. She liked the welcome basket. I asked her what she liked about it. They are staying at Ritz Carlton where mini bar is very expensive and it is not close to any convenient stores. She said it had a lot of snacks, water, aspirins, itinerary, etc. They were all usable stuff for the weekend. The basket saved them from paying premium for many things at the hotel. They didn’t go out of their way to put the couple’s names, local specialty in the basket.
My personal opinion - I love the local stamped post card idea. I like the local gourmet type snacks/edibles or something unique to the area which I might not be familiar with to try and represent local tastes and color - I would appreciate those. Things that are readily available like Hershey’s kisses and generic snacks, I could do without because people can just buy them if they want them.
I’d prefer quality over quantity in terms of items.
We will have another engagement soon. My D’s BF had a talk with my H recently. My D knows it’s coming but has no,idea when. They recently bought a house so it will come as no surprise. He had a ring from a great aunt resized and cleaned up. My D rides horses so I’m not sure how often she will wear an engagement ring. She goes back and forth between having a wedding or just eloping. She has a lot of social anxiety and isn’t sure she wants to be the center for a day.
How have others with anxiety or introvert personalities done with a large wedding. Her BF has a huge family and lots of friends and is very social.
For welcome baskets - like an itinerary also that includes directions to venues. I’ve also seen ones with sheet of restaurant and activity recommendations, locations of nearest drug store, etc if not obvious from hotel.
My SisIL is an MD and scrubs her hands often for sanitation at her job. She had a custom ring that is inset so the band protects the stones and they are mostly flush with the front and back of the band. It is a lovely ring that has a diamond in the center with one smaller ruby on each side. She doesn’t wear it all that often because it’s just one more thing to worry about when she’s working, but she does appreciate that it is practical and won’t tear her gloves.
Introverts marrying into large families are challenging. My good friend’s D is part of a rather boisterous and happy large family. Their new SIL is fairly quiet, as is his entire extended family (plus some have a language barrier). They got through it and are still happily married (they were still doing the seating arrangements up to the days before and some the day of the wedding. When there is goodwill and the couple WANTS to make things work out, they figure out how to get things done.
Okay, you guys have talked me into doing a welcome bag! I’ll report back when I figure out what to include. Appreciate all the ideas here.
@HImom, I’m an introvert from a tiny family who married into a big, noisy family. But H’s family were very welcoming which made up for how overwhelming it was. FSIL has consigned himself to getting many hugs from H’s expressive family at the wedding even though he is decidedly not a hugger.
Interesting about those that are introverts. Both my SIL and DIL were a bit overwhelmed by both my husband and my families. Our entire families live in our city, and both are large, loud, and Jewish; my DIL and SIL are not from large families and are not Jewish. My SIL is British, so he really was in a state of shock when he first met the entire crowd. They have both fared well as our family is very welcoming, although it was a life change for both.
My DIL, who I thought handled the masses very well, and fit right in, told me last week there were times she had to disappear for a bit to escape the noise. I assume she meant during Thanksgiving which we host at our home, and usually there are at least 25 people there. I never noticed her leave, but I can understand. The topic came up when I asked if her parents would ever want to join us for Thanksgiving; she laughed and said to my son, “Can you imagine my dad with your family?” Her father is different from us, but I thought we all got along during the wedding weekend; maybe I was wrong!
Our bags will have water bottles, map of area and schedule of events, advil, mini tic tacs, chocolates from Bride’s hometown, pretzel pack (per groom wishes), and protein bar. Since 99% of guests are traveling to venue, it’s a small token of our appreciation. God Bless Costco and Amazon!
So far I have water (may order the boxes), subway maps, black & white cookies, potato chips (bride’s favorite), schedule of events with transportation options listed, and per all the above suggestions, advil, mints - am I missing something? Still haven’t decided whether to honor the MOB’s request for wine, but may decide that when I see what is leftover from the party we are throwing for the kids in 3 weeks. Yes, that’s next up.
Wow, that’s more than generous. We went to a destination wedding and none of us guests got any gift bags, as far as I know. It’s a bit much for the bride’s family to request you add wine to the bag as well, IMHO, but I guess everyone has their own ideas about manners.
The Trader Joe’s cans of wine that are so popular this summer are $3.99 for a 4-pack ($1 each!), and I’ll put 2 in a bag if I can find them. So far, our threshold is $1 or less per item, and we’ve found some cool stuff. Maybe $8-10 per bag, and maybe 25-30 bags? It can get pricier than that and I suppose I could do something better with $300. But look at the Martha Stewart ideas I linked above if you want to see pricey!
