Went to the wedding of a close family friend yesterday. It was lovely but one thing I want to suggest to those who are having an outdoor event please have plenty of umbrellas if you don’t have shade. We are experiencing a heat wave which didn’t help but tables that had an umbrella near by had to guard them as others were poaching them.
Bridesmaids wore dresses of their own choosing in blush pink. It looked great. Groomsmen were in all in matching suits.
I took photos of ideas that I liked to remember for when it is my turn.
Outdoor wedding is beautiful when the weather is nice. D1 originally wanted a tent and an outdoor ceremony. I asked her if she wanted to stress out about the weather weeks before her wedding. Her wedding is going to be all indoor, except for a very short period of time for a pre-cocktail cocktail hour while they are getting pictures taken.
Our venue has an outdoor area and an indoor area for the ceremony. This decision will be made pending the weather the day of. Reception is indoors.
Neighbor’s D had outdoor late afternoon ceremony yesterday. Upper 80’s. No shade. Ceremony started 45 minutes late. Not good. Glad I wasn’t in attendance…
We are somehow 6 days out from my youngest d’s wedding. They’ve been engaged since fall of 2015 and made a lot of decisions early, so we were lulled into a false sense of security, feeling that everything was taken care of. Until this week! It’s been intense, with more trips to Michael’s and Joann Fabrics than I usually make in a year.
My d’s ceremony will be held outdoors under a very large tree. We’ve been assured that the shade at that time of day (5:30 PM) will cover all seats; we’ll also have water quite nearby. In case of bad weather, there’s an indoor location available for the ceremony; the reception will be indoors in any case. (Someone make me stop posting here and go back to packing, creating welcome bags, and responding to wedding-related emails.)
We, too, have an outdoor ceremony and cocktail hour planned, with indoor options if necessary. The reception is indoors. I think we should be out of direct sun by 5:30pm when the ceremony starts, but there will be water and other cold non-alcoholic beverages available in case it’s hot.
@frazzled1 I laughed out loud at your comments about Michael’s and Joann Fabrics. My D got married 8 days ago and my sentiments the day after the wedding were something like “I’m never setting foot in M & J again - or at least not for a long long time”. I am so un-crafty, but M & J did come to the rescue in several matters.
It’ll be a very busy week for you. There are so many small details to take care of, no matter how organized you’ve been all along. Keep posting here. The heck with the welcome bags and the emails. We’re here to listen and calm you.
What did you all buy at Michaels and Joann Fabrics? Let me know NOW so I can get a head start!
Off the top of my head - picture frames, welcome bags, tissue paper, stickers, ribbon, twine, baskets, markers, printer paper, table numbers - and probably more stuff…
Bingo, @Mansfield - I’ve bought every one of them except the table numbers. Also got some items for our welcome bags in the queue area at Joann’s, where everything is ~ a dollar.
So, what did you find in the queue area for welcome bags?
And may I please vent here for a moment? My S recently came to me and asked, quite embarrassed, whether we would still be willing to contribute to a couple of discrete items for the wedding. If you remember, when they got engaged we offered to contribute and our offer was graciously declined by the MOB. Okay, then we planned a large engagement party (including some of MOB’s guests, a few of whom she added as recently as yesterday, a week after the RSVP date - I was embarrassed to send the invitations, but hell, they are her friends/family), the rehearsal dinner, the brunch, and the welcome bags. Now he’s asked if I will deal with (and pay for) the transportation (busses from the hotel) and the dessert bar. They are not having a traditional wedding cake (just a homemade version so there can be a cake-cutting per MOB’s request, the B & G could care less about these traditions).
First off, we can afford this without concern - it’s not an issue of money. However, I might have chosen to spend my money differently on some of the other events/items had we know this would be part of our contribution. I don’t know the true genesis of the requests - if they came from the MOB, the B or whatever, but it put him in an awkward position to ask us and us in an awkward position to do anything but agree at this point. Add to that, we’re 7 weeks out and now I have to work with the venue and an outside caterer to arrange the desserts while still dealing with the final details for an engagement party for 100 people in my yard in 2 weeks. My S is dealing with the transportation details, but I do want to have input if I’m paying for it. And the MOB, while saying it’s “all my decision” texts me frequently with “suggestions” for things as minor as the welcome bags. I have told my S that if I’m responsible for the dessert bar, I will consult with him and my FDIL, but not the MOB…at least not directly.
Whew, that feels good to get it off my chest. My kid knows that I will come through for him, and while I did share with him that I thought the request was a** backwards (they asked MOB if she would accept if I was willing before asking me), and I will. Weddings…I have waited for this for a very long time but forgot how stressful these events can be when two families are involved.
“(they asked MOB if she would accept if I was willing before asking me)”
I can understand your frustration with how things unfolded, @runnersmom, but think you are doing the right thing to just suck it up and help out. If it was me, I’d ask your son pointblank why the relatively last minute change regarding needing more $ from you? My guess based on your comment above is that your son and fsil blew through her mom’s intended budget.
Nope, MOB blew through her budget - my kid has been asking her to scale back at every turn - of this I am certain because it has created some conflict between S, FDIL, and FMIL which I am trying to avoid. It’s a situation where the MOB has had a vision of what her only daughter’s wedding would look like and she has focused on and spent oodles of money on things (extravagant flowers, lighting and “extras”) that are totally unimportant to my S and FDIL. FDIL doesn’t want to upset her mother, so she’s going along, but my S is cringing. The things he thinks are important, like getting guests to the wedding and, of course, dessert, were falling by the wayside, thus the ask. For example, the kids did the invitations via Minted and MOB was disappointed because they opted for simple and less expensive. Given the personalities involved, I know why this happened, I’m just frustrated by the last minute nature of it.
@runnersmom - it happened to my sister as well when my nephew got married. She ended up paying for the rehearsal dinner, transportation and photographer. The transportation was going to be just few hundred dollars initially, but then it got way bigger - limos for the bridal party, buses, etc. MOB picked the photographer and the photographer didn’t get any pictures of my sister with her husband. 
I am giving D1 a budget and the groom’s family is giving her a budget for the rehearsal dinner. D1 is tracking all costs on a spreadsheet. Anything over and above she and the groom are kicking in. She told me that so far she is below the budget and that included her dress.
I would give your son a reasonable budget amount and tell him to arrange the dessert and transportation using that money…and then let them deal with it.
IIRC…this wedding is in a rather expensive city, right? Let them work with the amount you gift them.
Or…agree to do it yourself.
At our venue…the desserts are NOT costed out. They are part of the per person cost. If we wanted to get something from elsewhere, they have preferred vendors they want used (not an issue…the list is LONG and good).
And as an FYI…our kid chose the Venetian table instead of a cake as well. It was one of the dessert choice at the venue. We have a good friend who is a baker who will make a small bride…and small groom cake. We had to get permission from the venue…and agree NOT to serve to guests. They don’t want to be liable for food issues from food they don’t supply.
In terms of transportation…I’m guessing this was always needed…and not a last minute decision.
If you can afford it, runnersmom, that’s easy. You could make dessert decisions simple - and ask for him or the B to take part of that responsibility. By the point you reach the dessert bar, the more important aspects of a wedding are set in people’s minds. And it even could be skipped, since the cake is the traditional ‘dessert.’
MOB is probably nervous, her texts probably reflect that. You smile and nod.
Just tell someone, if it’s a homemade tiered cake, to truss it up, so it doesn’t lean or sink. Not hard, I can tell how.
Thanks for the support. There will be no cake for the guests, so we need dessert and it is not part of the catering package at the venue. They have preferred vendors (a couple of which I know well) and once my S puts me in touch with their venue contact I will move forward. As for transportation, yes, it is not an add-on, we always knew it would be necessary. It’s just that i prefer to deal with these kinds of things on a long timeline and now I feel crunched. And “smile and nod” is my default response now - the kids are swamped at work and I want to make this as pleasurable and easy on them as possible. When MOB turned down our initial offer to contribute, my H predicted that something like this would happen - I so hate it when he’s right 
I just needed a safe space to vent my growing frustrations!
Hugs.
Hugs to all of you planning. Sometimes, we need to stop for a moment of “Mom appreciation.”
BIL’s exW was a horror of a MOB. I think he was thinking our DD’s wedding would be equally stressful. NOT hopefully. Just talked to DD today, and based on her work schedule, she can make the appropriate checking in with all the vendors. They actually have an appt with the caterer today.
My fiance came to see the venue I love, and he loves it. Then I went to see the venue he loves in his town, and I love it too. So now we both love both venues! My pick is about 5k more expensive (not a deal-breaker) so it’s going to hinge on whether or not his parents can negotiate the venue in his town. Apparently as a white girl I didn’t get the Persian discount (it’s a Persian company) so if they can get the difference to be at least 10k or so, it’ll probably be a no-brainer.
Stressed about the money though. My dad was originally thrilled with the first venue when they said $120pp but once we added up all the fees and multiplied it out to about $45k just for venue/catering, my parents are dealing with major sticker shock. I can definitely see how easy it is to blow through the budget, and we’re not aiming for anything overly fancy here at all. Argh.